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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So what do we do? We’re all in the doghouse!

708 replies

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 13/02/2024 16:54

Names have been changed to protect the innocent and deranged alike.
currently sat in my living room with two drunk men and a damp spaniel who are refusing to leave or answer their phones and it’s all my fault…
The background is that DP and I have been together some years now and he comes from a pretty well to do British home with two eccentric parents and one thoroughly batshit sister. We’ll call the sister ‘Tilly’ and she is the catalyst of all chaos and is the main character in all family dramas.
DP and I both work in the arts and are very well versed in the ways of the drama queen and the ego fiend and are very good at handling hard work people so we muddle along with Tilly and do our best to include her. FIL is ex military and bloody hilarious at times, a bit old fashioned but overall pleasant.
MIL is an extremely overprotective and epitomises the bored middle class housewife and frankly it’s a shame they stopped giving out Valium on the NHS a couple decades ago because she’d benefit somewhat.
Tilly has never had a job or been to university or even attended a drs appointment on her own, partly due to a weird codependent relationship with MIL, partly due the fact that she has the IQ of a Jaffa Cake. She is very skilled at spending FIL’s money and manipulating people so that she enjoys the lifestyle of low ranking royal , she gets chauffeured about and likes shopping and occasionally will offer up a bit of volunteer work so she can post about it on social media with her latest fashion purchases carefully shoehorned into the frame.
MIL had an event today at the house, I won’t name the organisation but it’s very ‘jam and Jerusalem’ and she is highly respected in this organisation so wanted Tilly, FIL and the dog out of the house so she could go full ‘hostess with the mostest’ and be sure there’d be no tantrums or humping or farting or whatever Tilly and FIL and the dog might have done to cramp her style…
so the day was engineered that FIL and DP would take the dog to the groomers, leave him there, wander around the shops and get some new shirts for FIL and I would take Tilly with me to a work thing (that I really didn’t want to) but I’m happy to do my bit. Tilly has behaved like an absolute cockwomble all day, she has complained about everything, offended my colleagues and friends and embarrassed me profusely because for once she was not the centre of the universe and none of these people were responding to her Disney Princess energy. I have spoken to her several times about her tone and what she’s saying and literally begged her to behave. In the end I’d had enough and left her outside a pub.
I walked home and poured myself a large glass of wine and waited for the shit to hit the fan.
I text DP and told him and he said he was on his way home. I was pleased. A few minutes later , two very drunk and very wet gentlemen and a bemused spaniel appear in my kitchen. I’m just drying the dog when FIL’s phone rings, it’s MIL he puts her on speakerphone…
she is nothing short of apoplectic, SIL apparently had to ride the train the full 5 stops home alone ( the horror!) has soaking wet hair ( thoughts and prayers) and burst into MILs meeting sobbing and hyperventilating and then for the crescendo, threw herself onto the floor and pretended to be sick. MIL has had to put her to bed and I quote ‘forgot to serve the canapés’ because of the drama.
pissed FIL and DP ( yes they went to the pub rather than shopping) have simply howled with laughter into the phone and hung up. my name is now of course mud with MIL and SIL and I have the rest of the family holding up at mine because FIL ignored missed calls from TIlly which is why she had to travel home in the rain and is now on her deathbed.

OP posts:
Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 14/02/2024 11:33

@Maireas because she’d been extremely rude and unpleasant all day and I completely lost my temper with her as she was refusing to come into my work local while I had a quick pint with a friend (after spoiling the event for me) She wanted to swan off to some stupid cocktail bar. She refused to come in, stood in the door like a sulking child calling my bluff. On impulse I walked straight through the bar and left by the other door and went home. I was furious at the time.

OP posts:
VeryDiscombobulated · 14/02/2024 11:39

Copen · 13/02/2024 21:16

So Tilly is low IQ, at 28 has never worked, is socially inept, has never even been to a doctor's appointment by herself. And today had a panic attack, or pretended to have one, because she got the train for 5 stops by herself. On either score, pretending or not, that seems mentally unwell.

And this is someone people are desperate to hear more stories about and laugh at?

It's distasteful and sad that OP is getting laughs on an online forum at the expense of someone with mental health issues, but most people won't care as long as they're being entertained.

ButterBastardBeans · 14/02/2024 11:43

Calliopespa · 14/02/2024 11:09

That’s actually just really sad. 😔

Yes it is but I have never really felt it. She was as obnoxious as Tilly. In fact the OP telling the story about her not wanting to go into the pub and stropping and sulking in the doorway reminded me of when my sister (her Mum) and I took her out for a day to an amazing city and she locked herself in the loo in a cafe because she was not getting her own way over something trivial AGAIN and after two hours I had had enough and went home on the train. DSis told me she emerged after FOUR hours. She was one of the most manipulative people I have ever met and I have been around the block. I used to avoid her for the large part. I had been in the receiving end of her vicious behaviour too many times to feel sad when I had to call to say she had died.

SausageRoll5862 · 14/02/2024 11:43

I'm sooo sorry but I'm on the floor laughing here! Literally crying with laughter! Honestly I think you could write a book about that family, it would be a best seller, I'd happily buy one!

I absolutely LOVE the way you told things how they happened, everything! MORE! MORE!

ColleenDonaghy · 14/02/2024 11:49

ButterBastardBeans · 14/02/2024 11:43

Yes it is but I have never really felt it. She was as obnoxious as Tilly. In fact the OP telling the story about her not wanting to go into the pub and stropping and sulking in the doorway reminded me of when my sister (her Mum) and I took her out for a day to an amazing city and she locked herself in the loo in a cafe because she was not getting her own way over something trivial AGAIN and after two hours I had had enough and went home on the train. DSis told me she emerged after FOUR hours. She was one of the most manipulative people I have ever met and I have been around the block. I used to avoid her for the large part. I had been in the receiving end of her vicious behaviour too many times to feel sad when I had to call to say she had died.

I think it's genuinely shocking that you could write of the death of your sister's daughter at 42 in such tones, no matter what you thought of her.

How utterly tragic.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 14/02/2024 11:51

OP I've read all your posts but not the whole thread and I have to say - having had family and friends that also know how to put the "fun" into dysfunctional i admire your style, and if you ever fancy a pint in a large South coast town, hit me up - we could swap notes.....

Good luck with it all, and never lose that glorious sense of humour!!

ButterBastardBeans · 14/02/2024 11:51

ColleenDonaghy · 14/02/2024 11:49

I think it's genuinely shocking that you could write of the death of your sister's daughter at 42 in such tones, no matter what you thought of her.

How utterly tragic.

That's OK. You would have had to have experienced what I did to have understood.

Nanaof1 · 14/02/2024 11:55

Brawcolli · 14/02/2024 09:28

Normally I’d totally agree, but I think some of the critical comments are a reaction to the over-the-top fawning ones on the thread, and also because the post is written in such a ‘totally hilarious!’ way that it does just feel like an attempt to get into classics.

Or they are just a person who can take an event and make it funny.

My Mom cracked up all my dorm mates with her "story" of picking up my DB's paycheck from the state liquor store. She just had that way about her.

Personally, I enjoy threads that can get me to laugh. I am not looking for their deepest, darkest motives in the process. But then, again, as I have said before, I'm not one to be looking under any rock I can to come up with something to complain about. There are enough threads on her that are nasty enough to raise my ire, so I don't need to hunt for one or use a false sense of self-righteous indignation to conjure one up from the ether.

But, that's just me. {{SHRUG}}

Fannyfiggs · 14/02/2024 12:01

Hollowgast · 14/02/2024 00:22

Thank you for clarifying. I could barely sleep with the worry.

🤣🤣🤣 that made me laugh out loud, thank you 😁

Nanaof1 · 14/02/2024 12:01

VeryDiscombobulated · 14/02/2024 11:39

It's distasteful and sad that OP is getting laughs on an online forum at the expense of someone with mental health issues, but most people won't care as long as they're being entertained.

Not everyone in the whole fricking world is mentally "unwell" if they display anti-social behavior. Some people are just spoiled, entitled, tantrum-throwing twats because they have been pandered to their entire lives.

Making excuses for everyone who shows poor behavior just allows the above people to continue to get away with it.

Unless you have her mental health records in front of you or can show your MD in psychiatry and ESP, you haven't a clue. That's reality.

ButterBastardBeans · 14/02/2024 12:04

Who has said that 'Tilly' had MH issues? She sounds like a common or garden spoilt brat and nothing more.

NomNomYum · 14/02/2024 12:06

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2024 11:32

No - Amanda in Motherland is actually quite clever and I believe Lucy Punch is too.

So?

She's also a good actress, and has been in things other than Motherland 🙄

BewitchedorBewildered · 14/02/2024 12:07

blueshoes · 14/02/2024 02:02

Ah an echo chamber, then. No dissenting views allowed, only those with a questionable sense of humour who enjoy the fake writing style are welcome. Got it.

Just a light hearted thread. Life doesn't have to be all Tolstoy. Why the sad need to insult just for the sake of it? Just read something else. It's quite easy.

Nanaof1 · 14/02/2024 12:08

ButterBastardBeans · 14/02/2024 12:04

Who has said that 'Tilly' had MH issues? She sounds like a common or garden spoilt brat and nothing more.

I think some posters just excuse all poor behavior as a MH issue. It certainly seems easier for them than admitting the truth that some people just suck.

I'm sure they would say that the 16-year-old girl who threw a rock at my 6 year-old sister's glasses and then told me the next day she had been aiming to take out her eye was just a misunderstood, unhappy soul that needed a hug. Meanwhile, I will then pretend the roundhouse right she got was my version of a hug.

crumblingschools · 14/02/2024 12:12

Tilly sounds like a spoilt brat to me, someone who has been pampered all her life and has never had to do a day’s work.

She is quite happy shopping spending her parents’ money, going into cocktail bars etc. So I am sure she is perfectly capable of working out how to travel on a train by herself.

Gruffallowhydidntyouknow · 14/02/2024 12:12

VeryDiscombobulated · 14/02/2024 11:39

It's distasteful and sad that OP is getting laughs on an online forum at the expense of someone with mental health issues, but most people won't care as long as they're being entertained.

Oh come on. She clearly is someone who is far too pampered and needs a wake up call. Big difference between mentally unwell or having actual additional needs and just being a bit daft and poorly prepared for the world.

StockpotSoup · 14/02/2024 12:12
Cookie Dancing GIF

Actual footage of Tilly at the OP’s work event:

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2024 12:17

NomNomYum · 14/02/2024 12:06

So?

She's also a good actress, and has been in things other than Motherland 🙄

But why are you saying that Amanda Punch is like OP's SIL as that is totally unfair. Based on how she looks? So if she's blonde and pretty she's going to be stupid and dim?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/02/2024 12:25

I agree with one of yesterday's posters, @Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate - you need to write a book - no, several books! Your writing style is hilarious and you'd write blockbuster bestsellers.

When they get turned into billion dollar grossing Hollywood films, who do you want to play Tilly?

londonmummy1966 · 14/02/2024 12:26

This made me laugh so thank you OP. I knew a "clever" Tilly at college. She used to swan around the quad in Edwardian nightdresses, posing with a flower. She once wanted to heat a tin of baked beans so put it in her kettle. When the kettle boiled she couldn't work out how to extract it so had to let the water cool down again and then complained that the beans weren't hot enough....

HeadShoulderHipsandCalves · 14/02/2024 12:27

I'm glad we sorted out the humping issue and who was humping whom.

I must admit that I'm slightly disappointed it isn't FIL with repressed boarding school issues, that present as uncontrollable compulsions to hump MIL's leg in times of stress.

If I send you details of my batshit SIL can you please write it up?! Tilly is amateur in comparison.

NomNomYum · 14/02/2024 12:27

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2024 12:17

But why are you saying that Amanda Punch is like OP's SIL as that is totally unfair. Based on how she looks? So if she's blonde and pretty she's going to be stupid and dim?

Her name is Lucy Punch and I'm not saying Lucy Punch is like OP's SIL. I'm saying she'd play her well. Jesus christ...

UsualChaos · 14/02/2024 12:28

Excellent. Can you please write the book?!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/02/2024 12:29

HeadShoulderHipsandCalves · 14/02/2024 12:27

I'm glad we sorted out the humping issue and who was humping whom.

I must admit that I'm slightly disappointed it isn't FIL with repressed boarding school issues, that present as uncontrollable compulsions to hump MIL's leg in times of stress.

If I send you details of my batshit SIL can you please write it up?! Tilly is amateur in comparison.

Or you could post them here, @HeadShoulderHipsandCalves - pretty please!

NomNomYum · 14/02/2024 12:29

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2024 12:17

But why are you saying that Amanda Punch is like OP's SIL as that is totally unfair. Based on how she looks? So if she's blonde and pretty she's going to be stupid and dim?

Do you have issues telling TV from reality or something?