To think I'm not fit for not just work, but life itself?

[notfitforlife]

On paper I am educated with a masters degree and a first class degree, I've had a couple of good jobs but it took everything to do that and I still ended up having my mental health take such a hit I had to take time off sick/quit. The more I reflect on my life I just think I'm not really fit for life. Everything is so unbelievably difficult and always has been for me. I can still feel the visceral sense of dread I had even back at nursery. I don't think I've ever been happy

Like I had a full time job for around 18 months but 4 of those were unpaid sick leave, and the rest of the time I'd be struggling to concentrate or crying during work hours and working until midnight or waking up at 5am to finish work to meet my deadlines. I'd avoid going into the office as when I was there I could never concentrate, my head felt foggy and I'd cry on the way home from the exhaustion of it.

I'm now unemployed once again after being unable to cope and I just feel like there's nothing I feel good enough for. Even a hotel cleaner asks for previous experience, and my mind is already thinking of all the things that could go wrong like I could mix the wrong cleaning chemicals or forget to clean something or be too slow.

I can't even walk around a supermarket without feeling so overwhelmed it feels like my head feels all fuzzy and I can't focus. I can't drive because I find it overwhelming. I still live with parents as when I attempted to move out for university I had a breakdown and couldn't cope with it.

If you came across me you'd think I was intelligent and 'normal', but it's the biggest facade.

Working and mental illness is hard. I have struggled nearly all my life with poor mental health and it has always been a real battle to keep going. My A levels, my degree, my first real job, my PhD were all heavily impacted by my mental illness and I shouldn't have finished any of them but by my finger tips I hung on with a few bouts of sick leave

Then I started a job with a supportive job and whilst I didn't have the mental health support I had previously had that help now clicked into place. Things went horribly wrong after I had my daughter and my employer made me feel welcome and worked with me to find a way back to the work place. At the time i started I was ready to give up my career and job hope around episodes and hope for the best but I have found a place I fit. I had bullying and was made to feel less of a person because of MH condition by my supervisors of my PhD so when I started my current job I really needed that faith in humanity. It's a real problem them more people don't have the this experience. The portion of people with mental illness like mine in full time work is low which is a shame.

Think I'm going to have to respectfully disagree given that almost 1 in 4 people that present to their doctor with 'ADHD' don't actually have it according to recent studies - often the symptoms are actually more closely linked to depression, anxiety, and inadequate sleep.

Another recent study involved the 100 most popular ADHD videos on TikTok being benchmarked against several of the standard clinical assessment criterias. They found over 50% to be 'inaccurate', almost a quarter to be 'subjective', and only 25% to be 'accurate'.

Another recent study found that almost 40% of doctors have encountered patients who falsely believe they have it.

So clearly there are a lot of people that believe they have it and don't, which is exacerbated by the fact that most people experience some of the symptoms at regular points in their life.

If you're going to be 'wary of the professionals' then who are you going to get your information from? If you're planning on making up your own criteria/doing your own research then how do you even know that what you call 'ADHD' fits the widely accepted clinical definition as defined by the professionals whose expertise you don't trust?

On a side note, it's worth looking into 'right to choose' if you haven't already - you can elect which provider to be referred to.

NHS wait times can be as high as 5-7 years but easily two years. However, the Feb '24 update from ADHD360 is saying an average wait time of eight weeks with 'no substantive secondary queue for medication'. Psychiatry UK are saying 12 months for assessment and three for titration (so 15 in total).

I'm currently on list with Psychiatry UK since Sept/Nov (seems to be some confusion exactly when). Been waiting since Feb '23 but my GP messed up and didn't put me into RTC queue until Sept. Psychiatry UK then said in Nov they hadn't received initial referral so not sure if it was backdated or logged as received in Nov.

I'm wondering whether to just restart with ADHD360 given that I'm only 3-4 months into the total 15 month waiting time for Psychiatry UK and ADHD360 are quoting eight weeks with no additional queue.

Same and I suspect I hate autism and/or ADHD. Can I ask those who are on PIP, is it enough to survive on or do you need a part time job as well?

It sounds like social anxiety/anxiety tbf

PIP is not an out of work benefit. It is there to enable people with disabilities to be on an even keel with people who are not.
A lot of of people claim PIP and work too. PIP enables them to be able to work.

As a mum with a DD diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, your experience resonates.. she wasn't diagnosed until 17..very bright and empathetic...has hyperfixations on specialist areas. Great with philosophy..hight functioning (not called this anymore) but can't clean her teeth, eat around others and finds organisation difficult. Poor working memory.

Girls and woman present differently and many tests are written with men in mind. Get G.P to refer to a psychologist. Good luck..there is help out there..sadly not without fighting.

Dd gets pip and DWP. Needed to go to tribunal to get higher level pip for her. Advice I had was to write assessment as it is her worse day..was awarded top level back dated. Good luck.

I'm interested to hear about autism and empathy. I'm extremely empathetic (more so than most people) but also extremely literal - I'm good socially but this feels more 'learned' than innate. When I was a kid I'd often struggle to ascertain when somebody was joking or being literal despite everybody else seeming to get it - I've just learned now from experience over the years.

I've always wondered if this was linked to my ADHD/dyspraxia or perhaps a mild case of something else.

Right, but my point (I see I likely didn't make it very well, which is probably ADHD - sorry!!!) was that I WAS a total goody two shoes at school and FELT like I was neat and tidy - it was only when I went to look for specific evidence (feeling like a fraud) that I realised oh, OK, yeah, there were signs, even though I would not say that I was impaired as a child.

My mum didn't remember about the meltdowns when I had my assessment. It was only when she saw video of DS2 acting in this way last year that she went "You were just like that!"

What I don't get is that I had DS1 who was fairly similar 😵‍💫 and I remember her saying "Do you think he might have ADHD?" at the time but she NEVER said "You were just like that!"

I don't know if you have ADHD or not, but all I mean is - go and look back at things like any school reports, any old school work you might have, any photos, videos of you as a child, what was your bedroom like, who were you friends with, what was your average weekend day like. This will tell you more than simply trying to think back which is typically quite unreliable.

almost 1 in 4 people that present to their doctor with 'ADHD' don't actually have it according to recent studies

Dear God. Do you work for them?

Also very interested in the autism/empathy link. I have almost overwhelming empathy a lot of the time.

I’d put money on you having adhd and/or autism (they often go together). I do, and I could have written your post myself - I’m very academic, but can’t seem to cope with ‘the real world’. Getting a diagnosis was really helpful for me as it allowed me to stop punishing myself. You’re not alone!

From your descriptions OP there is clearly something underlying that impacts your ability to cope with everyday life so you need to speak to your GP.
I can relate to what your are saying though I not in as an extreme way. I get very overwhelmed by day too day tasks. Housework can often bring me to tears. I've burned out several times in jobs. Social situations are really stressful and exhausting. I also look "normal". I went to uni, I'm married with children and work in a professional career. But the amount of effort needed get through day to day life is ridiculous.
I was diagnosed with ADHD through the NHS several years ago. It makes complete sense.

Go and talk to your doctor outlining everything you have here. It may not be ADHD but it's clearly something. Good luck.

OP - this stood out to me:

If I did go to a lecture, I could only concentrate if I wrote down every word the lecture and I would sit at the back on my own.

I was exactly the same. I wrote down every word every lecturer said in my own shorthand. If I didn't, nothing stuck. I used to do the same at parents' evenings which made people think I was very over-eager. But without writing down, I couldn't process the info. When I was diagnosed with ADHD, the doctor (who was the lead ADHD clinician for NHS before going private) said this was a very typical sign of the disorder.

If you have a spare £1000 consider spending it on an ADHD assessment with a recognised clinic. I know, it is a hell of a lot of money. I took it from my tiny savings. I dithered about it for years but decided I was sick of failing at life and paid for a consultation with a clinician who is really trustworthy. Two weeks into medication everything is easier. My brain is clear and calm. I get things done. I stick to plans and remember where I'm supposed to be most of the time. I can make decisions swiftly, not dither for ages. It is life-changing.

Wish I'd done it years and years ago. I am nearly sixty. All those years of struggling SO HARD at life, and spending hours everyday - and so much energy on trying to train my brain to be orderly, rational not over emotional, focused not overthinking and racing with diverse thoughts. All those years of judging myself so harshly for being unable to ever remember where my keys or phone were, of forgetting birthdays of people I love deeply, or our wedding anniversary, of being chaotic and clumsy and socially inept. A small pill can clear all that away. And if you don't have ADHD, you'd know immediately. Because amphetamines make normal brains anxious and speedy, whereas ADHD brains calm down and clear on them.

If you have a spare £1000 consider spending it on an ADHD assessment with a recognised clinic.

Current wait time for ADHD 360 is eight weeks with no extra queue for medication. Worth mentioning as GP can refer.

That is a brilliant tip. I have never heard of ADHD 360, so if it is reliable, thank you for spreading the word!

I had typed out my online appointment request for the GP but chickened out and didn't send it.

I did the AQ10 autism screening test and only got 4/10 so I think it's highly unlikely to be ASD?

I'll look into ADHD

Glad to help.

There's info on the ADHD UK website and that's where the current eight week waiting time is from. I've asked to be transferred to ADHD 360 as Psychiatry UK waiting list is 15 months (12 for assessment and three for medication).

I initially saw doc in Feb 23 and in Sept 23 asked to go the RTC pathway. For some reason it then took three months to get on the list as Psy UK kept saying they hadn't received referral. So if I stay with them the whole process could potentially have taken. over two years! Seems a bit inefficient given that I was already diagnosed previously and on the meds for years, well into adulthood.

It could also be depression/anxiety. They sound less exotic but can hugely impact the things you mention, to the point that a lot of people mix them up with ADHD.

But everybody has a different blend. I read a lot of posts from people saying they must have ADHD because they forget their keys, can't keep appts even when their health is at risk etc. I never forget my keys and manage pretty well, although short term memory is rubbish. For me, it's the impulsivity and almost going out of my mind stopping myself from interrupting etc, and having almost zero patience.

Those with AdHD diagnosed are any of you on meds and do they help condition like staying focused, motivated & help switching brain off.