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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I email my boss?

29 replies

ShalommJackie · 12/02/2024 17:00

I've posted about this before but then someone sent me a message saying that they knew who I was so I've name changed. Although I don't care anymore. If anyone recognises this post 'Hi'

I'm being bullied by my boss, her deputy and the band 8/9 who has control of the entire department. (NHS)

I've drafted an email that I want to send. Basically my manager's boss googled the medication I'm on and asked if I was a danger to the department, asked if I had active psychosis, asked if I thought I was going 'smash the place up' or 'go psycho'

I'm on antipsychotics for my bipolar and they stop me from getting manic, I'm not a risk to anyone, except my bank account when I'm manic.

I've spoken to HR about a grievance and I've spoken to my union who are horrified. I've also spoken to the freedom to speak up guardian who agreed that I have a case.

‘*Dear X

I had a meeting with Y regarding me returning to work.

I am concerned with a number of comments made during this meeting I wish to bring to your attention.

During the meeting Y asked me to disclose the medication I am currently taking. On listing these I also gave some medication I am taking for my mental health.

Y proceeded to research the medication on Google and made comments of ‘are you safe to work here’ and ‘are you a risk to me’

These comments are offensive and inappropriate.

My mental health was not related in any way to my recent absence from work and should not therefore be subject to any back to work review. Insofar as my mental health issues are relevant to any return to work discussions I would expect them to be dealt with in a confidential and sensitive manner which I do not feel has happened on this occasion.

I would be grateful if you could contact me to discuss how this matter can be dealt with and what steps are going to be taken to avoid this issue arising again’*

I don't know if I should just crack on with the grievance without telling my manager?

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 12/02/2024 17:05

I would in your shoes. I'm sorry you've had to go through that. And for someone that works for the NHS to behave so inappropriately is disturbing.

TraitorsGate · 12/02/2024 17:07

I wouldn't deal directly with your manager, leave it to your union rep to act for you, I would also self refer to occupational health. Who was your meeting with, do not go to any more meetings without a witness. The band 8 will still have someone senior, ?director of nursing will be in charge if you're a nurse

chatenoire · 12/02/2024 17:08

As above. Let the union deal with it. Extremely disgraceful behaviour from management

Original poster
ShalommJackie · 12/02/2024 17:21

Thanks. I do feel more confident leaving it all up to my union

OP posts:
Original poster
ShalommJackie · 12/02/2024 17:24

Isn't it amazing when you put 'grievance' in the title of an email and then get an immediate response despite emailing 4 other times over 3 weeks and getting no response at all..

OP posts:
Hipnotised · 12/02/2024 17:32

Union rep here.

You need to be far more specific with your grievance wording.

Put in the exact words they used, the time, venue and date of the meeting, and how they made you feel. Not that the terms are offensive, how did they make you feel on hearing them.

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 12/02/2024 17:37

Good luck, that’s horrendous behaviour. As a fellow NHS worker I am often surprised at how poor management within this creaky institution can be, mostly very unprofessional and frequently none too bright!

rwalker · 12/02/2024 17:59

Absolutely not
this needs to be dealt with correctly through the proper channels
your union rep will guide you through the process

VanGoghsDog · 12/02/2024 18:05

This is disability discrimination, you have three months from the date of the event (or most recent event if there has been a string of events) to bring a tribunal claim, so in your shoes I would raise your grievance but be ready to speak to Acas about putting in a formal claim within that three month period.

Original poster
ShalommJackie · 12/02/2024 18:31

Hipnotised · 12/02/2024 17:32

Union rep here.

You need to be far more specific with your grievance wording.

Put in the exact words they used, the time, venue and date of the meeting, and how they made you feel. Not that the terms are offensive, how did they make you feel on hearing them.

That's really helpful thank you so much

OP posts:
Original poster
ShalommJackie · 12/02/2024 21:28

Any one else?

OP posts:
flatmop · 12/02/2024 22:19

If they really asked "are you going to smash the place up?" or "go psycho" you need to have that in your email. That's inappropriate in any workplace but particularly horrifying from professionals working in the NHS.

Original poster
ShalommJackie · 12/02/2024 22:28

flatmop · 12/02/2024 22:19

If they really asked "are you going to smash the place up?" or "go psycho" you need to have that in your email. That's inappropriate in any workplace but particularly horrifying from professionals working in the NHS.

Yes she 100% said that. I felt like a leper in the meeting.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShalommJackie · 13/02/2024 14:21

I've put it in writing to hr. I don't know why I feel sick! I didn't say discriminatory things to people

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 13/02/2024 14:25

You should definitely quote the 'go psycho' and 'smash the place up' comments in your complaint. It's really discriminatory language and unequivocally offensive. They could try to pass off their other comments as genuine concern, but they certainly couldn't make any excuse for using terms like 'go psycho' or suggesting you might 'smash the place up'.

Edited to add - I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. It's hard enough to manage a mental health condition without people making you feel like shit about it. I once disclosed to my former boss that I was taking prescribed antidepressants and he was awful about it. Then when I had to disclose it to my new manager, the response was totally different and SO much kinder and more professional, and it was only then that I really realised how badly my previous manager had handled it.

Loobieloogold · 13/02/2024 14:28

HR Person here. The Union person replied what I wanted to say right away! You need to be more specific in your grievance. The comments in your original post, which are downright outrageous, should be detailed in your comms. Who else was there, dates and times etc. I am so sorry you have experienced this.

I hope you get some resolution from this situation.

Original poster
ShalommJackie · 16/02/2024 20:32

So my managers manager helpfully called me today and asked me why I'm off so I told her I would have to talk to union rep, then I told her I was putting in a grievance because of the meeting we had and obviously she denied that she said anything at all like that. Twat

OP posts:
Hipnotised · 16/02/2024 20:54

Well that's not a surprise, it's called 'arse covering'.

But I take it you've handed in your notice?

Original poster
ShalommJackie · 16/02/2024 21:03

Hipnotised · 16/02/2024 20:54

Well that's not a surprise, it's called 'arse covering'.

But I take it you've handed in your notice?

No I haven't yet because I need to speak to my union rep. I will be chatting to an employment lawyer on Monday

OP posts:
rwalker · 16/02/2024 21:06

flatmop · 12/02/2024 22:19

If they really asked "are you going to smash the place up?" or "go psycho" you need to have that in your email. That's inappropriate in any workplace but particularly horrifying from professionals working in the NHS.

I’ve a lot of friends who work for the NHS all say bulling is rife

Original poster
ShalommJackie · 16/02/2024 21:23

@rwalker yes the bullying is insane

OP posts:
Hipnotised · 16/02/2024 21:56

Ah you mean she thought your attitude / demeanour was off, not you were leaving. That's good - speak to your rep and follow the company's process.

And also good you have a head's up of the manager's defence, start finding as much proof as possible.

Original poster
ShalommJackie · 16/02/2024 22:18

Hipnotised · 16/02/2024 21:56

Ah you mean she thought your attitude / demeanour was off, not you were leaving. That's good - speak to your rep and follow the company's process.

And also good you have a head's up of the manager's defence, start finding as much proof as possible.

O I meant I'm
Off work as in I've called in sick

OP posts:
Original poster
ShalommJackie · 17/02/2024 04:19

I have contacted acas re a tribunal. I am so tempted to resign because i have stage 4 cancer and i do not need this shit bit equally I don't want the cow to get away with saying this shit to me.

I'm frustrated that my manager has passed the buck to her manager and asked her to call me because my issue is with her and not my manager Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
ShalommJackie · 27/02/2024 00:01

Update, formal tribunal application made and grievance at work. My manager has said I can't be alone and that every meeting we have has to be attended by an independent witness. I feel like I'm being blamed for making a complaint

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