'I'm experiencing hearing loss and tinnitus on one side'
Did you know your smear test is overdue?
'It's on the list, thanks. Now, my hearing...'
And have you had your prediabetic tests this year?
'I'm not prediabetic, the tests showed that, now, my hearing...'
Ah, well, you might as well be, it's all the same really when we all just want to sit and eat biscuits all day...
'What? I'm coeliac, I'm not about to be sitting around eating biscuits all day, especially as I'm at work for most of it. Which brings us back to my hearing...'
Have you had your flu and covid jabs?
<hard stare> Oh, yes, it says you have here. And your Shingles too, I didn't know you could get that under 70.
'Yup, it's the Psoriatic Arthritis medication'
Oh, what's that?
'Autoimmune disease, long story, been on them for years, as is said in my records. I've got a constant hissing sound in my left ear and it's becoming really difficult for me to hear the phone at work...'
Oh, you're working, are you? Well, we do clinics for diabetes on Mondays at 2pm...
'I'm at work. It's hard enough to get time away from my desk to have a telephone HRT prescription renewal'
Oh, you're on HRT. You know that after a year, you have to stop taking it because of...
'Yeah, I'm here for my hearing. It started about...
Go to Specsavers and get the wax taken out. Now can you complete this short test about your feelings, as lots of women find out that they need anti-dep...
'I'm not depressed, I just need my hearing checked out and I've got a family history of...'
-pressants, especially when they're sitting eating biscuits and cake all day to make themselves feel better. Oh, are you OK? You seem to have drifted off a bit there.
'I've got the attention span of a goldfish at the best of times, never mind when I'm here to try and get my hearing checked out - although if you wanted to refer to a specialist for ADHD...?
Oh no, we mustn't talk about more than one thing at an appointment, you'll have to make a separate one for that. Thank you for coming and have a lovely day.
'But. My hearing?'
Just old age, probably, you'll need to make another appointment as we're out of time. Don't forget to book your place on the Diabetic Clinic for Monday.