Work feels awful, I’m drowning

[JustNowWhat]

Hi everyone, reaching out for help. I’m also concerned I’m being precious and complaining about nothing, so any guidance on if IABU would be really helpful.

I have a job which is known for high workload and poor work life balance. It’s a small team and there is uneven distribution of work (others are working normal hours). I’m having to work dawn to dusk to keep up, including weekends. I recently had holiday and worked full time hours because emergency stuff came up and there’s no one who can cover. Despite trying hard, I’m falling increasingly behind because it’s not possible to do it all. I’m stressed, tearful and anxious to the point that I feel physically ill, none of which is like me. I’ve also lost touch with almost all my friends.

What I’ve tried so far:

• Showing my manager it’s too much and asking for things to be reallocated. Told it’ll happen “later”. That was six months ago. Following up has been ignored.
• When being given an additional big job to do, asking for it to at least be split with someone else. I was promised that would happen then that was withdrawn. Eventually got agreement for a 90/10 split (!), and even that hasn’t been put in place yet (job needs to be done this month). If the 10% isn’t done, that creates more work for me, so it’s not something I can just ignore and say “well you said X would do it” because I’m the only one who’ll suffer.
• Talking to the manager above my manager about my workload. They refused to do anything and encouraged me to find another job. I guess important context is that despite all the above, I’m doing well on my KPIs so far and get on with everyone so it’s not like they’re trying to manage me out because I’m rubbish or awful (I hope). I’ve even had some “employee of the month” type stuff from further up the tree, which is lovely but I’d rather have a day off!
• Asking for flexible hours so I can take one day per week properly off. There’s no reason this wouldn’t work operationally or would affect my work. Manager refused to even put in the request, and said I shouldn’t ask HR because they’ll say no. (Again context so I don’t sound like I’m problematic: I didn’t mention HR, they did, and I’ve never gone to HR about anything.)
• Asking to claim back the holiday when I had to work. Also refused because I “should have been better organised”. The work was unpredictable and short notice, and not doing it would have been detrimental to me and also our clients, so I’m not sure what I was meant to do - clearly the system should enable someone else to pick up jobs when people are on leave, but at the moment it doesn’t.

I don’t know what to do other than leave, and despite how horrendous this feels, I really enjoy the work - I just need there to be less on my plate. What can I do? And please tell me if I’m being whiny and it’s not a big deal, because I’d rather know and then work on toughening up. Thank you.

Look for a new job. It is clear that they are not going to appoint another person. They will not appoint another person until the work is not getting done and their clients begin to complain and threaten to take their business elsewhere.

Is there a sideways move to another company you could do?

In the meantime you need to prioritise your work and be very clear about what can and can't be done. Take your time off and don't answer the phone or emails after hours and during holidays.

You need to leave. The company is toxic and will never change.

Your health is more important than this and they are exploiting your good will and the fact that you are good at your job.

Look for a new role and in the meantime:

• stop doing any overtime
• stop working weekend
• don't reply to work queries when you are on holiday.

Yes, some work will not be done but it is not your problem. They are simply expecting you to do a workload which is not manageable in the first place.

I would even ask your GP to sign you off for two weeks for stress and burn out as you are close to breaking down. Use the time to job hunt and recover.

Thanks everyone, I’m really grateful for the feedback. Even just a bit of validation helps so I don’t feel so much like IABU. There’s a real culture here around people who don’t meet expectations or who take time off with stress being lame ducks who will never progress, so the idea of letting people down feels really troubling as my card will inevitably be marked. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place - half kill myself trying to meet expectations or be condemned as a failure.

I know this sort of culture is horribly toxic. I think to some extent it’s a trademark of my industry, which limits my confidence that it would be better elsewhere. I wish I could post what it is to see what you think, but I’m genuinely scared of being found talking about this (even though it’s unlikely).

I’m really grateful for the practical advice too. I’m going to ask for a meeting with my manager and raise some of this again, then put it all in writing to them afterwards, and I think most likely speak to HR as well. I’m not quite ready to give up on this job, and I want to give it a good effort putting some boundaries in first.

For those who have asked why I checked my email when I was off, it’s a fair question and I’d much rather have just shut them off. However, it’s really difficult in this job not to check (for long reasons that would be boring for you all to read). Briefly, no one covers my work so if there’s a problem, it wouldn’t have been solved and would have gone critical by the time I came back. There was also a very short notice resource offer that was sent round and closed while I was off, so I had to spend time applying for that or I would have been left out of a significant opportunity that would limit my future career (here or elsewhere).

Now that I’m writing it down, it just seems horribly unsustainable and I would be telling any friend of mine to quit.

Of all the good advice I’m getting here, I think that last bit may be really crucial. Thank you.

I think this is wise OP. Get a paper trail (names/dates/times) going now just in case you should ever need evidence later down the line.

If I was you while deciding what to do I would also follow up conversations you've detailed above with an email to your manager (cc the one above too?). You can use wha you have told us a a skeleton. Then send. Again for a paper trail more than anything.

So sorry your being taken advantage of like this. I've been there and I know the mental load it takes to get through the day never mind having the reserves of it to leave and look for another job.

As has been pointed out OP it's important that you do as I'm also doubtful it'll get better.

If you don't take sick time now you will get to a stage where this makes you extremely poorly and you'll end up doing so anyway.

Sending love

What sector do you work in? Other MNetters might be able to shed some light on other companies in the industry. Or have a look at other organisations in the industry on glass door.

However it sounds like no one expects this level of taking it on the chin from anyone else on the team, they're taking the piss imo.

Speak to your doctor and get signed off work, it sounds like you're suffering with stress if you are having physical symptoms. I've suffered with it myself over the last few months, headaches, body aches, panic attacks, stomach issues, an eye twitch, memory loss, the list is endless. I'm going back to work next week and I won't be bogging myself down, my outlook has changed massively since I've been off for 4 months and had a lot of time to think. It's a job, its not the end of the world.

Sorry for the giant quote, can’t see how to edit it! I would have called myself a perfectionist before this job, but that went out the window quite a while ago and I’m just in survival mode. Colleagues definitely have less. For example, I’m in charge of 4 “big admin things” and my colleagues are in charge of 0-2 despite having more of their workload theoretically allocated to “the big admin things” than me. I’m providing support to 3 other parts of the business, they’re doing 1 (if that). I also have additional responsibilities they don’t. I’m reasonably sure that I’m being overloaded by comparison.

You need to get your headspace really comfortable with the idea that the only way people will see that you need help is if the shit is hitting the fan. So you need to let that happen.

/// this is the hardest thing to do especially if by your nature you take pride in a good job and it's important others know you do.

Sometimes though it's the only think you can do. Because actually if you don't the shit hits the fan in terms of YOU and your health.

Briefly, no one covers my work so if there’s a problem, it wouldn’t have been solved and would have gone critical by the time I came back

This is the massive red flag. Without telling us what industry you work for, does ‘critical’ mean a life is at stake or is it that a client will be cross? If the former, then your work absolutely needs to be covered by someone else when you are away. If the latter, your work environment needs changing. You need to be able to switch off sometimes.

Only THING, that should read

This was me almost exactly a year ago. I woke up one morning and couldn't see out of one eye properly. Due to blood pressure the GP thought, it was through the roof.

I ended up being off for a good few months. They had to hire 5 people to make up for me being off.

Sometimes things have to fail before action is taken.

Just seen your response to my first post. It can be really tricky to prove workload differences. On the surface, it may seem like a fair allocation to your boss, but you feel it’s uneven. Do you ever take a 2 week holiday? When you return do you have to catch up the work, or will someone cover the work?
(ie. What would happen if you were signed off work sick for 2 weeks?)

Leave.

If you can afford to then just leave. Use your notice period to job hunt. Stop working beyond your hours to give yourself time to look and interview. If you don't have the headspace for that then consider being signed off.

They don't value you. You need to prioritise you.

There is nothing you can do because they have made it clear they will change nothing.

You have two choices.
Stay and be burnt out and orobably have a breakdown.

Leave.

Only one of those choices is sensible.

"They refused to do anything and encouraged me to find another job."

Take their advice, look for something else. It sounds to me as though they're not bothered about you.

On the holiday thing, a good manager would have a handover conversation with you before you leave to agree how your work would be allocated or picked up when you are away.

Your workplace sounds toxic and massively under resourced. BUT you also need to take responsibility a bit. Plan ahead of holidays, wrote a handover email, sit down with your manager and agree how work is going to be picked up and progressed while you are away.

Are you a PA?

I’m really sorry to hear this and thank you for sharing it. That’s had a big impact on my thinking. I hope all is much better with you now.

It would all be sitting there when I got back. I’m in this situation after this recent annual leave too. I partly started this thread because I’m staring helplessly at a huge mountain that’s growing faster than I can deal with it.

@BenjaminBunnyRabbit no, not a PA sadly - I understand a good PA is in high demand, whereas it’s hard to get a job in my sector!

Right, let’s be practical about this! Your current situation is unsustainable. What are your skills? I know you say you want to try working things through with management, but if that doesn’t work (and sorry to say I’ve seen enough friends struggle with this sort of thing to think that management won’t change), you need to have a plan. Things don’t tend to change at work until something catastrophic happens, or a staff member leaves and others have to pick up the pieces - finally realising what you’ve been struggling with.

Have you always done the same job/role? What qualifications and skills do you have? Can you think of other jobs that interest you? What do your friends do? What do ex-colleagues leave to do? If you don’t have the headspace to think about this, please consider taking a few days off to rest and consider your options. If you are already drowning in work, a few more days won’t make any difference.

good luck!

Ok, so you are saying zero cover arrangements made when people go away on holiday? That is insane. You work for a hopelessly toxic and disorganised place.

How is that even sustainable?

Thank you. I know my own boundary problems have contributed significantly to where I find myself, and I need to get better at telling people to bog off when needed. One of my colleagues who has far less allocated than me is amazing at telling people no, or just ignoring requests to do things. They have a terrible reputation and get on with basically no one here as a result, but actually have a personal life. In a way I really wish I was more like them.

Because unboundaried fools like me half kill ourselves to keep it running <sigh> Keep going everyone, insight is approaching! (Seriously very grateful, I suspect if I’d had any time to see my friends in the last year I’d probably have got here sooner…)

Drop the rope. Work your contracted hours and not a minute more. If the work doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. It's not your business, if you were the director or Ceo then fair enough but whatever they're paying you, it isn't enough to put up with this. Take your contracted annual leave and don't feel guilty for it. Let the work pile up. It's not your work, it's the company's.

They don't need to fix it because you're working yourself to death to get the work done. Nothing is that important.

And look for another job. If you stop working all the hours, you'll have time to take a breath and look for a new job.