My 84 Dad died yesterday help

[Flyhigher]

My heart is breaking.
He's 84. But I'm breaking. Help. Help. How do you cope?

I'm so sorry for your loss, do you have anyone you can lean on for support? Any siblings?

Sorry to hear that. Mine died during the pandemic.
I’m not sure how you cope really, just have to accept that it is painful. It feels shockingly painful and there’s no avoiding it. Then gradually over a period of a year or two the pain gets slightly less and less bad. It comes in waves. It may help to talk to him or imagine conversations with him. I still do.
It will start to get more manageable eventually, promise.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My Dad died unexpectedly a few years ago. It came as such a shock to us. I understand what you're going through.

Would it help to tell us about your Dad?

Aw I'm sorry, it's very hard. For now do you have anyone with you to cry to and have hot drinks?

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My darling Dad passed last May, we knew it was on the cards but he literally declined rapidly in 24h and couldn't fight it.

There is no one answer about what to do- you come first, and cry as much as you feel you need too. Look at pictures, listen to music, speak of him and to him. Speak to others who have memories of him, this was a great comfort to me in the earlier days.

People say "He was a good age"( my Dad had just turned 87) but it's never long enough when you love someone, is it?

I still speak to my Dad, cry most days rather than every day, and will miss him forever. But the reason my heart hurts so much is that I knew that wonderful love. And for that I will be forever thankful.

Take care of yourself, do what feels right for you. Others may have opinions but this is your personal grief ❤️

You take each day, one at a time. It's shit. It really is. Take time to grieve. It may not hit you right now but it will and you need to look after yourself. I'm a year on from you and it still hurts. Big hugs.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Just do what you need to do to function. Nothing more.

It's sad in our culture that we don't talk openly about death, which means that many people struggle when it happens. Euphemisms such as 'passed' have replaced the proper words. Every death is sad in its own way, but for many it is also a release from a long period of pain and suffering. When you consider the complexities of our bodies, every day lived is a remarkable achievement.

Op...... I'm so so sorry for your loss. Is there anyone else with you?? You will get through this one minute at a time. Its the only way x sending virtual hugs x

Another sending you huge hugs and telling you to listen to your body.

Take it one day at a time, hour by hour if you need to.

Sadly it is very normal to feel broken OP.

Sending my deepest sympathies, my darling Dad died 18 months ago. He is missed every day.

The pain is always there but you learn to live with it. As someone else has said, take it hour by hour at the minute just to get through the day.

Lean into everyone for support

Oh, @Flyhigher ! Sending hug thoughts

One day or even one hour at a time OP. Funeral directors will assist with all the arrangements that need doing. Lean on friends. It’s a hard time

I’m so sorry for your loss. It is normal to feel broken like this. Losing a parent is a big deal no matter how old or ill they were. Allow yourself to grieve. In time you will be able to smile as you look back on treasured memories.

So sorry op. 💐💐💐

So sorry for your loss xx

When my mum died suddenly, someone said to me, 'you don't cope until you do cope'. In other words, you just feel what you feel but as time goes on (and the pace is different for everyone) you start to feel as though you will be able to make it.

But right now, all you can do is keep breathing and taking baby steps. I'm sorry for your loss.

Im so very sorry. It’s heartbreaking. Nothing but time passing really helps.

Someone I love very much is gravely ill at 94 yo as I type. I’ve been visiting them daily, but now I have to go abroad for 5 nights and I’m so scared to not be here.

Saying goodbye to someone you love is the hardest thing in the world. Even at 84, which is a grand age. You miss them so very much.

Take comfort in knowing you’re not alone and it’s just a fact of life that everyone will know well. That your dad lived a long life with people who loved him.

And then find distractions, clubs, the kids, a hobby, but distract yourself until the pain of loss becomes easier to manage.

Look after yourself.

My dad died very recently. I found planning the funeral cathartic, it allowed me to focus on the amazing life he led. I think about him fairly constantly. I’m told it will get easier to live without him here. I’ve found lots of people have had conversations about bereavement/grief that they never had with me before. They have helped.

Im sorry for your loss OP.

I’ve had three “big” losses in my life and it doesn’t get any easier. It’s the worst pain you can feel, but it does ease in time.

All you can do right now is take every day as it comes. Try and “accept” the pain and don’t run from it. Cry when you need to, even if that’s all the time. Think about him. Let yourself be sad, as difficult as that is right now. If you need to stay in bed and do nothing, do it.

Do you have someone there who can look after you a bit?

I don’t know if this will help, but I found this to be an incredible analogy of grief, and very comforting. It helped me to understand that the pain was normal and that it won’t always be that way. And that the pain right now is just a reflection of the intense love you had.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/c1u0rx2/

It’s hard I know. Both of my parents died two months apart during lockdown, no visitors allowed so I hadn’t seen them for weeks.
It was very hard planning their funerals as I hadn’t really accepted that they’d died.
I still haven’t grieved three years on.

Oh OP I feel you I really do, my beloved Dad died last April, sudden traumatic death in his 60s. It hit me like a ton of bricks and looking back I was in shock for a good few weeks. This gave way to the raw pain. 10 months on and it is much better, I miss him desperately but I have more good days than bad.

I'm going to take a completely different track and I hope it doesn't offend.
When I read threads like this I aways think the poster is so lucky. It sounds like you had a great relationship with your dad and that's really something to treasure. You were blessed and so lucky. Loads of people don't have that with their parents. The pain you feel now is the price of that and its so, so, worth it. I'm sorry for your loss op. But I'm also envious. Take care.

@Minfilia - that’s incredibly powerful and helpful. Thank you.

I think I found it easier to take just one day at a time, to keep busy with admin stuff and arrangements. I walked a lot in the early mornings. Be kind to yourself and let others help.

sorry for your loss