Do you think people who had kids later are less likely to have a mid life crisis

[Goingtotheyelllowcafetomorrow]

Or will it just come later?
Dh and I didn’t have Dd until we were 40 due to infertility. We had many many years to travel, live abroad, spend time together to do as we please and live our own lives. We’re now in the thick of it with Dd and although tiring, loving it.
Friends that I have who married younger (twenties) and had children seem to be going their separate ways, the man generally meeting another woman, sadly and with the kids growing up, big changes happening.
Other friends who had kids late 30’s plus all pretty much together etc
Will it just hit us later perhaps mid-late 50’s when our kids are growing up or do you think it’s less likely to happen as we did lots more in our younger years?

That's really interesting logic to me. I find children far more tiring than traveling. You can travel at your own pace, but babies and toddlers are relentless!

I do feel I lived a lot in my 20s though & got a lot out of my system & had dc in my early 30s. It feels good to think I have a bit more time for me in my 40s

Age 43 with three children under 5. I'll be in my sixties before they reach adulthood.

That'll be far too late for a mid-life crisis. And before then... well, I'm just too tired to bother with such a thing 😴😆

I'm 65. My 40th birthday was spent with a newborn.
We had 20 years together without kids, did all the travelling and going out you could possibly do. My 40s felt like a completely different life and certainly no crisis. We were both retired when DC were at uni and now we have started travelling again, sometimes with our adult children. We have been together happily for 45 years.

It’s not a problem for me as I didn’t have DC until I was in my 40’s.

I do know that what I did in my 20’s for example would be very hard to replicate in my 40’s or 50’s for a variety of reasons.

Backpacking around the world is definitely something I’m glad I did in my 20’s.

@Soupit Thats lovely ☺️
How old were you when you had your youngest, if you don’t mind me asking?

we got married when I was in late 30s and him early 40s (second marriage for me, first for him). I don’t have kids from before so we only have ours. I think at this age we are not likely to change as much as if we met in our 20s and split but I guess you never know. I think we had both done a lot of everything we like before we even met so there’s no fear of missing out due to having a family etc

@Charlie2121 I was quoting you - "The problem arises when you do the 20 years with kids first" - that you said having children earlier on was where the problem arises.

That’s almost the identical journey my DH and I are on although we have only reached the mid 40’s with a toddler stage so far.

I'm 65. My 40th birthday was spent with a newborn.We had 20 years together without kids, did all the travelling and going out you could possibly do. My 40s felt like a completely different life and certainly no crisis. We were both retired when DC were at uni and now we have started travelling again, sometimes with our adult children. We have been together happily for 45 years.

Is this realistic for todays 40 yr olds though? Retiring whilst their dc are at uni? Despite saving I feel like I will need a 2nd job by the time they my dc get there!

@Charlie2121 surely the best is 10yrs pre kids, 20yrs raising, 10yrs adult kids then 20yrs retirement

Easily possible. Mainly because if you have 20 years developing your career before having children it is likely both you and DH will be on decent salaries by the time they finally arrive.

I’ll be retiring way before my DS reaches uni age and that’s with funding PS fees from income as well.

Had he been born when I was 30 we would have faced a very different financial situation and things such as PS would have been nowhere near on our agenda and I suspect we would have had to retire later as we wouldn’t have been able to commit to the same level of career development with a young child on the scene.

I honestly think they are more likely to.
As a pp said, having a baby in your 40s, is for some the midlife crisis - I've watched some friends (male and female) in their late 30s/40s make terrible choices in who to have babies with, and the fall out is not pleasant.
I also think having very young children and the menopause can be a real challenge.

@Charlie2121 I'm going to have to disagree with you. I think the vast majority of todays young people are struggling just to get on the housing ladder so even if they wait until their 40s for dc private school & early retirements won't be the norm...

@Charlie2121 depends what you want tho to some extent. I think if you've got used to 2 decent salaries you want/need to maintain them, which means using childcare. Also, not everyone comfortable with PS.

If you're younger you cut your cloth (if you're sensible anyway) and your lifestyle doesn't need maintaining, because you're building your lifestyle alongside bringing the kids up. Then you still have 25 years of working life ahead of you to build a career if you choose.

Just depends what you want for your children I suppose.

We met at 19 (me) and 21 (him). Got married 18 months after (21 & 22). Had my 1st at 24 and 2nd at 27.

I'm now 49, my youngest is just leaving uni. We get to travel, eat out, go to the theatre and so on. Plus, all our money is now ours so we are saving hard into our pensions to retire at 60 and continue travelling with the security of our mortgage free home to return to.

Not midlife crisis here.

I agree to a point that things are of course less affordable for everyone now than they were a few years ago but I do believe that the later on in life you have children the better your financial circumstances are likely to be.

@Charlie2121 it's all personal circumstances though?
I had my children at 19 &23 and I'm mortgage free. And intended to retire at 55.
I've always been sensible with money and we are financially stable.
I don't see how waiting another 20 years would have changed that!

I think waiting to be secure is a good thing, I just don't agree that having dc in your 40s means you will definitely have a 6 figure job & be able to retire early.

I mean the age of a FTB is now 34 & many young people aren't having dc at all because of the expense.

I think the opposite. I think it's so much harder to adapt as an older parent especially if you were living a really good life. I really miss my lifestyle

That’s probably true although one other big factor is that if you’re established in your career when you have children you invariably have not only more money but also way more flexibility with your role and often fewer hours needed to fulfil the requirements.

DH and I can both WFH full time. This would never have been possible in the mid range roles we previously held. It allows us huge flexibility to spend time with our DS and also to deal with any unforeseen issues.

Our and our DS’s quality of life are way better than they would have been had he been born a decade earlier.

Interesting post. Yes I think you could be on to something

@Passingthethyme a few friends/family members don't want dc and they've said there were ambivalent before but now they have a fantastic lifestyle and don't think they could change. I do see their point.

I had my first at 17 and my second at 26. I'm just about to hit 40 and my youngest is 14. After over 20 years of working hard, studying for degrees, raising my children, supporting them through the trials and tribulations of teenage years, I'm bloody looking forward to my mid life crisis. I'm going to buy more horses than I can reasonably cope with, just because I can, and I'm going to go travelling, and go to lots of concerts, and generally behave a bit badly. I will, of course, be taking my husband along with me because he can't wait for mid life crisis time either. He's going to get a motorbike.

@Charlie2121 yeah maybe. I was a SAHM til the kids went to school and then have only ever worked flexibly PT around the kids in school hours jobs. I wouldnt have wanted to use childcare. DH WFH full time and his work is flexible with him too.

Neither of us earning particularly big money, but we have a decent house in a good area (granted, in a cheaper area of the country) Its worked well for us.