My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think I shouldn't have to live like this?

64 replies

Idontknowwhatsgoingonanymore · 11/02/2024 17:36

My DH is often moody, this is something that happened since we got married - he wasn't like this before and if he had been, I wouldn't have married him! (Married 3 years, second time round for us both)

He says he needs 'me time' in order to not be grumpy, meaning he wants time at home on his own to play computer games/chill out. I have 2 DC from my 1st marriage, he has 2 DC from his first marriage too. Mine live with us, his don't but we have them regularly.

At weekends I want to go out as a family, he doesn't. I WFH so find I need to get out at weekends, he is the opposite.

Anyway, I feel like I am walking on eggshells around him. He asks for something to happen, I do what he asks and he is still moody! I've told him I can't deal with the moods, he says he can't help it. He doesn't like lots of noise so I've got him some of those ear plugs that block out some noise but not all, We're having carpet fitted to minimise noise on the laminate (esp the dogs claws as they walk around). I don't know what else I can do!

AIBU to think I shouldn't have to live like this? I'm constantly on edge as to what sort of mood he will be in when he gets home, I do things on my own most weekends so he can have this 'me time' he craves (and NEEDS apparently so he's not moody) which Ieaves me feeling like a single Mum, which I may as well bloody be so I don't have to deal with the moods!

When he's not moody, he's lovely and we have a great time together. I don't know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

244 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
5%
You are NOT being unreasonable
95%
TheBeesKnee · 12/02/2024 01:21

My Dad did say to me though, that he is concerned about the effect leaving would have on my DC, and sometimes it's 'better the devil you know' - is that terrible advice?

Yes, it's terrible advice. He's beaten your mother down into submission and likely thinks you should put up and shut up too. There's another option: no man devil in the house at all.

My dad's moods would dominate the home. When he briefly left I was happy. Devastated when they reconciled and honestly started counting down the days until I could move out. I still remember and I wish my mum had been brave and left him. He ended up leaving her a decade later.

I understand wanting down time but he needs to schedule that around his family priorities. And you need to stop trying to fix all his problems and let him do something about something - chances are he won't.

Just out of interest, did you live together before you got married?

Report
Meadowfinch · 12/02/2024 01:42

So he kept of the 'cheerful bloke' act, just long enough for you to marry him, and now feels at liberty to make your life a misery. Having gained a free housekeeper and bill sharer. Surely you don't think that was a coincidence?

You've been had, OP. Your children's lives are the lesser for it. You need to put them first.

Report
cestlavielife · 12/02/2024 20:33

Just be you and dc .
They dont need this in their lives.

Report
cheezncrackers · 12/02/2024 20:38

I can see why his first marriage ended!

Report
nutbrownhare15 · 12/02/2024 21:58

You wouldn't have married him if he had been like this then. I think you have your answer. Walking on eggshells is not something anyone should have to live with.

Report
BookArt · 13/02/2024 06:19

I think everyone has that concern of children with broken relationships, it's natural to worry about it.

However, I am currently repeating to myself daily that I don't want my children to think that was a healthy relationship.
I'd rather my kids see me single and happy, and teach them that being single is better than being in an unhappy relationship.

Kids learn by watching us. So we have to set the example.

In the short term they'll be upheaval and change which isn't great.

But in the long term they will have a happy, relaxed mum. They will live in a happy home. They will be wanted and loved. They won't learn to treat the people they love like your husband and think that is acceptable.

Report
Samlewis96 · 13/02/2024 07:55

Thementalloadisreal · 11/02/2024 21:03

He needs to know that you’re not happy with his attitude and that his “me time” will significantly decrease if you leave and he has to entertain his own DC all by himself.

But it wouldn't though as he wouldn't be putting up with her kids at all

Report
Thementalloadisreal · 13/02/2024 07:59

Samlewis96 · 13/02/2024 07:55

But it wouldn't though as he wouldn't be putting up with her kids at all

That’s why I specified his own DC

Report
cerisepanther73 · 13/02/2024 08:00

Trust me i know what i am talking about,
It wouldn't get any better

Life is far too short wasting your time with Arsehole like this...

Report
Notamum12345577 · 13/02/2024 08:01

@Cocacolacarrie Easy to say, but maybe she doesn’t want to see her kid’s to experience another broken home?

Report
FrancescaContini · 13/02/2024 08:01

Your poor children. Why have you inflicted this man on them? This will affect them deeply and negatively, I promise you.

Report
FrancescaContini · 13/02/2024 08:03

Notamum12345577 · 13/02/2024 08:01

@Cocacolacarrie Easy to say, but maybe she doesn’t want to see her kid’s to experience another broken home?

This home IS already broken with this man in it. Can’t you see that?

Report
Samlewis96 · 13/02/2024 08:03

Thementalloadisreal · 13/02/2024 07:59

That’s why I specified his own DC

That he sees once a fortnight so he would get 12 days kid free. . Which is more - not less than he is getting now. So more " me " time

Report
Notamum12345577 · 13/02/2024 08:04

@Cocacolacarrie I’m not saying she shouldn’t leave him, but I am saying that it isn’t as simple as just binning him off.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.