To expect my husband to know what flowers I am allergic to and the colours I like?

[Toria33]

Husband just purchased a massive bouquet of flowers for valentines and dead centre are the flowers that I am pretty seriously allergic to, if they were open i would have to immediately get a shower and wisk them out of the house, it’s like a feather duster is up my nose and the drowning in mucus doesn’t go away for days and my eyes puff up and have like floaty bits in them. He got these Lillie’s for Mother’s Day and I reminded him again 1 I hate them and 2 am super allergic , at least that time the colours were lovely. This and the colours are very of what his mother likes Lillie’s bold miss matched colours, peach with red and pink and a random blue is ew. I really like blue purple pink graduation I designed our entire garden in this colour way. Not sure if it’s pregnancy hormones but feeling like he has remembered one preset of flowers for “women” and doesn’t listen and I’m sad he can’t even remember not to get flowers I’m allergic too. I would have preferred something much smaller, hell some £10 tulips from Tesco than £75 flowers that are his mums taste and going to make me ill, Am I being unreasonable?

Oh been together 6 years married 2.5

YANBU! It's a gesture for show, not care

Hard work. Hard hard work.

Seems odd that no.1 is the colour and no.2 that they make you ill.

I doubt mine would have any idea either
But then again, I don't like cut flowers. They are prettier attached to their roots in the ground!

It’s very much the sort of thing he buys his mum like I said

Not true tulips are my favourite, would have liked that he remembered that

A couple of funny replies! Of course he shouldn’t be buying you flowers you’re allergic to - that’s ridiculous! Definitely not thoughtful or showing he cares.

The colours bit is a bit daft tbh. Your taste sounds very specific and also not very far from what he got - the details that you think make it different (pink with peach or red and spots of blue, rather than pink, blue purple “graduation”) doesn’t sound that different to me!

OP you’re about to have a baby with this man

And here you are seething and sad about him not buying flowers that fit with your allergies (i remember the nut allergy threads OP)and (i suspect more importantly) your personal taste

It really does not bode well OP.

I think yabu about the colour - but definitely not about flowers that make you ill! That’s incredibly thoughtless.

Second baby, not seething just a bit sad

What did he say when you said this to him? And told him you had this same discussion with him last time?

I think I would have been a hell of a lot happier if they just were no lillies, like no issue. The colour is just rubbing salt in the wound. He says he didn’t see them .. when They are the main feature

The allergy thing you have a point about. The colour thing - grow up.

I’m with you with the allergy - I don’t get on with lilies and have to immediately re-home any I receive (usually to my very grateful neighbour).

but. This reads as though the fact that his mum likes them is the bigger problem to you than your allergy, which I don’t get. I do understand what it can be like to have a difficult MiL, but if you really are that allergic I’m surprised that this comes across as the dominant issue.

Those awful tiger Lilly's!
I feel nauseous, get a headache and this weird heavy feeling in my head as soon as one comes near the room I'm in.
It has taken a while to drum it into my DH.

People don't believe you when you say it, but the symptoms are horrendous.

Generally he knows now but I've still had to take one out of a bouquet a few times over the years and throw it down the back of the garden.

The colours I'm fine with.

I find that most local florists and on line florists included lillies in bouquets. It seems to be the fashion. They do make good good displays.

I don't like the scent of lillies yet yesterday I bought a bunch of flowers from the Co Op.
I bought them for me as I love yellow roses. It wasn't until I went to put them in the vase that I noticed the lily!!

It’s the not remembering I’m allergic at the forefront, that’s like what the heck how many times do I have to repeat myself, I only mentioned the allergy to him nothing about colour as that’s the key. His mum is mad for Lillie’s so I think I’m his head he thinks this is what women like I will get this instead of remembering me who he is meant to be buying for, key thing allergy.

It’s intraflora the Lillie’s are there in the middle of the picture it’s the romantic magnificent with some extra blue Veronica’s

Lillies are the flower of the devil in allergy stakes!

Seee you get it lol

OP, posters aren't going to fully get what this means to you if they don't know your history of serious allergy and your PIL’s utter disrespect of your safety and that of your son.

Given that context your husband's behaviour is shit. This isn't one mild allergy he could have forgotten about, it's part of your complex and serious allergy picture.

After how his parents behaved, he should be SHIT HOT on anything to do with allergy around you and your children. Tbh his behaviour back then wasn't great - he expected you to visit them after they put you at serious risk?

Yanbu and I can't believe the standards for men are so low and pp are implying you should be grateful!

Even the rubbish boyfriend I had at uni, worst guy I ever dated, could remember the colours/flowers I like and my allergies. It's really not hard.

I bet your dh expects you to remember (say) his favourite beer or whatever.

Here brought a milk tray chocolate box last week and I starting to think he has lost his dam mind