To expect my husband to know what flowers I am allergic to and the colours I like?

[Toria33]

Husband just purchased a massive bouquet of flowers for valentines and dead centre are the flowers that I am pretty seriously allergic to, if they were open i would have to immediately get a shower and wisk them out of the house, it’s like a feather duster is up my nose and the drowning in mucus doesn’t go away for days and my eyes puff up and have like floaty bits in them. He got these Lillie’s for Mother’s Day and I reminded him again 1 I hate them and 2 am super allergic , at least that time the colours were lovely. This and the colours are very of what his mother likes Lillie’s bold miss matched colours, peach with red and pink and a random blue is ew. I really like blue purple pink graduation I designed our entire garden in this colour way. Not sure if it’s pregnancy hormones but feeling like he has remembered one preset of flowers for “women” and doesn’t listen and I’m sad he can’t even remember not to get flowers I’m allergic too. I would have preferred something much smaller, hell some £10 tulips from Tesco than £75 flowers that are his mums taste and going to make me ill, Am I being unreasonable?

I think you need to get some professional help with this. It sounds like the apple hasn't fallen far enough from the tree.

Does he still have contact with his parents?

I don't know if couples counselling would be appropriate here? It would be worth a try.

If he chooses to endanger you and potentially his children - as his parents did - you will have to act to ensure your safety away from him.

I'm sorry, you should never have been out in this position.

Any posters who think this is all about the wrong flowers, read this:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/allergies/4886345-fil-wont-back-down-on-nuts?reply=131510864&utmcampaign=reply&utmm_medium=share

Don't think that links to the critical post:

Even without the backstory YANBU.

I am rolling my eyes at the "aT lEaSt hE tRiEd yOuRe sUcH a pRiNcEsS" handmaidens, doing the work of the patriarchy even on a Sunday.

Your husband should know what flowers you like, and especially shouldn't buy you things you are allergic to!

Wow. My husband wouldn't remember what a Lillie looked like the next day. A flower is a flower to a bloke. He hasn't got a clue.

This. You are making a massive deal. Sorry but I really think your relationship is going to struggle once baby is here

We have one. I did say I might be being emotional due to hormones

Really? Mine sure as hell would remember to check for the flower he already knows I'm seriously allergic to...

I have had bad allergic reactions to bee/wasp stings and am allergic to penicillin.
DH denies both because he's not witnessed it!
It doesn't make any difference to everyday life but I've no idea why I would make that up. But it doesn't give confidence that he would react quickly if it ever did occur! 🙄

Here brought a milk tray chocolate box last week and I starting to think he has lost his dam mind

Was he wearing a black polo-necked jumper, black trousers, and delivering the via speedboat?😃

@auntyElle Wow, that escalated quickly!

My partner wouldn't have a clue what flowers I like and we've been together over 20 years. I don't think that not knowing your favourite flowers or what colours you like is a big deal

But remembering your allergies certainly is important. That's the bit that would have made me angry.
A partner who loves you and cares for you should remember something like that.

Maybe the blokes you know?

Most botanists in history have been men. Many professional gardeners are men.

Unless a man has eye problems, he should be able to see the difference between a lily and a tulip as well as a woman. And, moreover, he should make the effort to, if it's important to his wife.

Like I can tell the difference between an IPA and a stout even though I don't drink either. It matters to my dh.

It's so easy on these interflora websites, to click "no lilies" because it's a common allergy

oh so another child is now in a tense environment because daddy messed up mummy’s flowers and she’s very “sad”

that’s like what the heck how many times do I have to repeat myself,

how many times have lillies and our allergy to them been discussed in this 6 year marriage???!

Not tense just disappointed that he spent so much on something I have a violent reaction to.
and he buys me flower 2-3 times a year, had plenty of discussions about not putting lillies iin The garden/wedding/house (his mum was pushing for Lillies in the wedding) this is the 4 th time he brought Lillie’s and second time in 6 months .. starting to think there us a memory /respect issue on his side of the family

**. starting to think there us a memory /respect issue on his side of the family
**

well yes.. you have posted extensively about your in laws disrespect and your DH’s failure to properly address this with his parents

Not a happy marriage generally i suspect. Easy to focus on the flowers i suppose