To think in London, your choice of partner matters more than a career?

[zippythetoad]

I work in London, came from a working class family in north, state comp, went to Cambridge, blah blah.

Work in a well paid job in financial services. You’d think my kind of salary would afford a nice house etc. You’d be wrong.

Looking around at people in the office, some of the same background as me, the only people who have actual houses or are starting families are those who have married someone with generational wealth.

It doesn’t matter how hard you work, you will never catch up to someone who has bern given a £1-2mil contribution to buying a house through inheritance or family. This all boils down to whether your partner comes from a family who bought London property in the 80s or 90s.

PPs are correct that generational wealth benefits often come with a lot of strings attached. Some people I know are effectively owned by their parents just as some very high earners are effectively owned by their employer.

How long ago was that @sedilla ?

This all boils down to whether your partner comes from a family who bought London property in the 80s or 90s.

Surely it’s more relevant whether you yourself comes from such a family?

you will never catch up to someone who has bern given a £1-2mil contribution to buying a house through inheritance or family.

There is certainly an issue with housing but very few people are getting 1m-2m gifts to buy a house & you don’t need such a figure to buy in London.

Well all I can say is that it's a good job the Tories plan to get rid of unfair inheritance tax.

I think it’s very difficult to achieve the typical ‘middle class’ expectation of a 3-4 bed house in a reasonable area without either inheriting a lot of money or having a very highly paid career, for younger people.

Yes age definitely makes a difference

The ‘housing ladder’ has also all but disappeared, given the high cost of housing and the impact of stamp duty at prices which are for London, not enormous.

this is true.

If you think a 4 bed detached house in specific gentrified areas of London is the minimum acceptable standard, then yes, of course you'll struggle.

I agree with this, many parts of London were not nice in the 80s & 90s, my parents settled in their bit place because it was cheap with high crime & high deprivation. Many people want the end stage gentrification from the start.

@sorestupid "I agree with this, many parts of London were not nice in the 80s & 90s, my parents settled in their bit place because it was cheap with high crime & high deprivation. Many people want the end stage gentrification from the start." - but do you blame them? If they're not buying til their mid-30s, and starting a family, they don't want to have to wait for retirement before they feel comfortable and safe in their area.

In previous generations, they were living in the shit areas in their 20s before being able to move to a naice area. Now it's shit areas forevermore.

@toomuch90 I didn’t grow up in a naice area, it didn’t really become naice until 00s so my parents were in their 50s plus then & DH grew up in Hackney, certainly not naice in his youth 😁

@toomuch90 what part of London did you grow up in?

I also think there are a lot of naive (?) people who pay a lot of money for a house but are then surprised when there is crime or anti social behaviour in their vicinity, that’s London!

Yep Generational wealth or a career in financial services. If your partner has either than your life is totally different to the rest of us. Of course there are others doing great without either, but yes due to house prices those two make a massive difference OP

I’m not naive, I accept it, but I don’t have to love it do I?

I had low 6 fig help to buy & stay in London but if prices weren’t so inflated I wouldn’t have needed that help.

I can relate.
I do get jealous. I try not to.
I have a colleague 20 years younger than me that’s had boyfriend/now husband generational wealth. They lived in one of his parents’ properties for free. Then bought a big flat.

Now his mother is “helping” them choose a house on rightmove, (to resume when they’re back from holidaying in her tropical holiday home.)

Comparison is the thief of joy, I know, I know …

@JumpinJellyfish I don’t know if you are the type i’m referring to or not but Im not sure where I said anyone had to love anything? I just think if you grew up in London particularly inner parts you have often have a different perspective.

Interested in how old the OP is. I'm 32 and me and DH have bought a decent sized house in London. We both earn well - but I'd definitely say we've caught up with those who "had help" to buy.

In my 20s though I never imagined it was possible to buy in London...

Oh totally agree. Girls I grew up with who didn’t try at school or do very well or get traditionally good /well paid jobs have amazing lives due to whom they married. I was / am probably more successful on paper but due to DH not being a banker etc, our life is quite ordinary / can be a struggle.

You could argue that I am self made and successful as I am completely self sufficient, and DH and I get on well and have two happy young adult children now. So honestly no bitterness. But I do notice from a material perspective how many girls / women landed on their feet from a material perspective. But that’s life I guess.

Putting slightly aside the cost of living in London, I think this is quite a common experience when you're the first in your family to university and then the first to go into one of the well-paying professions.

You're objectively successful and financially very well off, but often surrounded professionally by people whose parents or grandparents (or earlier!) were the first in their family to do what you're doing. They have that built-up generational wealth behind them that comes into play for house deposits (or outright purchases), which in turn means they also have lots of disposal income for holidays, second homes etc, etc. That's your peer group and it's hard not to feel put out when you're working just as hard but have less to show for it.

Well…. I mean yes and no. I really don’t think a woman’s financial well-being should be based on who they marry and their partner’s inherited wealth.

And I also think that yes, people born before, say 1975 or so undoubtably had it good in some areas due to house price inflation, and were able to build a life in London specifically by benefiting from the 1990s…

…. but …

I really think it’s about choices.

I am slightly older than (I think) OP as I’m 40. I had a v similar background. I have had not a single penny from family.

I chose a career that I knew was highly paid because I knew I’d have to do everything myself financially (I met DH, also working class, at uni (UCL, so we did well academically) and he’s a teacher. We saved (all me!) for our first flat which was £180k with a 10% deposit right out in the edge of the central line in 2011. That went up… we had three kids and moved to a 5 bed house in (far away!) commuter countryside for £425k… no hand outs, all us(me!).

We still live there. It has more than doubled in value but that’s by the by… we don’t want to move.

We have enough monthly income to send three children to private school.

I have to wake early and commute but I have absolutely achieved the middle class lifestyle I decided to aspire for.

I had a stable home as a child and good family support for my education (Mum was a maths teacher) and I know that was a huge factor.

But I really do think that some of this comes down to comparison (no, I don’t have the private school middle class big house in NW3, but I do have it with a London career in a lovely spot …) and choices about standing on our own feet as women (I always worked full time for instance and retrieved to work when babies were 7/8 months). I never thought anyone other than me would need to provide life I wanted.

OP - I am a lawyer and therefore probably have a similar salary to what you could have in financial services. I say decide what you CAN achieve (I’m a partner in a law firm and couldn’t live in central London) and go for it!!!

Why is the partner part relevant here? Shouldn't the argument be that people who have generational wealth will do better in HCOL areas like London. Including if you marry into it.

DH & I both from London, both grew up in council flats, single parent families with no wealth. We have both worked many jobs up the career ladder and own our own house in London(zone 2 ) and have comfortable life. We did this on our own with no family inheritance & neither of us is that wealthy

Timing of this is absolutely crucial though - how old are you?

Id be willing to bet that your trajectory would be impossible for someone in an identical situation today.

I hear you, OP, but let’s be honest….very few people inherit 1-2mil.

Is it though? I would say in my industry it’s possible. I’m a partner at a law firm and our very junior lawyers certainly earn enough to save to buy (smaller in London, or like me, a bigger house further out and commute) and eventually after a decade or so have a v v comfortable life. Many of them choose this caterer precisely because they do the maths and see what they need to earn… I know (of course!) that’s not the case for everyone but many young people do (as I did tbh) choose a career that’s interesting but certainly looking at the maths of what they can earn and afford further down the line… we certainly recruit uni graduates who are not from “posh” backgrounds.

V true

@legallyblond i am a lawyer too! I did exactly what you describe and don’t feel I have a very comfortable life (see my earlier posts on this thread). I’m not a partner yet so maybe that is the difference, but honestly can only see things getting harder for the juniors, not easier, despite the recent massive salary inflation (from which I have not benefitted!).