I’ve had juvenile autoimmune arthritis since I was a toddler. I’ve always been active and a healthy weight. Eventually I needed multiple joint replacement surgeries. In combination with being immobile and lazily comforting eating, I’ve gained so much weight. Entirely my own fault, I was feeling low and I have eaten my way to obesity. I blame myself because I feel lower than I did before. My health plays a part but ultimately, I made prolonged bad and selfish food choices.
I was getting lots of chest infections and, even though they thought it was my meds for my condition because they suppress the immune system, they ran some tests to be sure. To cut a long story short, I have heart failure. I was sent away and told to exercise and lose weight.
I’ve gone from 19st 5lbs to 17 stone 12lbs by overhauling my diet in 2 months. My ability to exercise is still really limited and I don’t know if I’ll ever be as active as I was before.
I haven’t told anyone in my life. I’ve told them nothing is medically wrong but I want to lose weight anyway and everyone is supportive.
I am ashamed of my weight and I know I have a long way to go and I feel like I can’t achieve a healthy weight quickly enough. I cry all the time and want to hide my body. I will keep going with my weight loss though. I know I need to. It’s just that the shame is all consuming.
I don’t know why I’m posting here except to get it out and to share my humiliation and unburden myself. These emotions are crushing me.