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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to wait to try again? (Trigger warning for sensitive matter)

38 replies

lkjhuytiop · 09/02/2024 12:15

Had a bit of a telling off from the EPU when I asked how long before I could try again and they insisted it was easier for them to date if I wait for at least one normal period. I am miscarrying currently at just under 6 weeks. I just want to be pregnant and be a mummy, I was and am so ready and feel devastated that this has happened. Although I am upset now I think once I have processed the upset in a few days, and when the bleeding has stopped, I’ll feel ok to try again.

Is it wrong to be so impatient? I don’t want to go against official advice but the MC seems very straightforward (as they go) and started naturally of its own accord. My HCG is fast decreasing and tests getting fainter and fainter.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 09/02/2024 12:16

I got pregnant 2 weeks after a miscarriage. They still managed to date it ok!

10ThousandSpoons · 09/02/2024 12:17

I'd wait and see how you feel once the miscarriage is over. It makes sense to have a normal period first to me but it is a personal choice.

SunSparkle · 09/02/2024 12:18

Sorry to hear about your MC. I think it’s up to you really and what you feel ready for. They can figure out the dating later on so I would t worry about that too much. You may feel your hormones go a bit loopy in a few weeks but some women get pregnant straight away and for others it can take some time. The loss will be making you feel desperate to be pregnant again and that’s totally understandable.

KnickerlessParsons · 09/02/2024 12:22

I got pregnant fairly quickly after a miscarriage too. They'll be able to date the baby by its size fairly accurately eventually, even if they can't right at the beginning,
I think they advise a break for mental health reasons rather than for an physical issues.

Maryamlouise · 09/02/2024 12:28

I didn't have a period between my miscarriage and getting pregnant. I didn't want to wait as getting older and also my partner works away so that reduced opportunities to TTC. I did a lot of research into it and there was absolutely no evidence that waiting improved future outcomes and no risks to either mum or baby.

I think if you and your partner feel ready to try again then why not. In terms of dating I don't think it will be that difficult and it wasn't an issue for me - they went mainly off the 12 week scan I think and how big the baby was measuring then. I felt they actually dated it a little early but I guess that only would have been a problem if I had gone any further over the due date (was 41+3 when baby arrived) and we had disagreed about whether induction was necessary

Good luck

Original poster
lkjhuytiop · 09/02/2024 12:40

Thank you everyone. I will be more upset the longer time goes on and I’m not pregnant, I think. So that is probably my answer x

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 09/02/2024 12:46

I don't think you necessarily need to wait for your first period but they should tell you to wait for a negative pregnancy test. This is because they need to make sure all the pregnancy tissue is gone (sorry) so when you get another positive pregnancy test, it definitely means you are pregnant again, rather than the hormones/tissue still lingering.

Sorry it's unpleasant, I had a non straightforward mc a few years ago with retained products etc, so I'd strongly recommend making sure you get a negative pregnancy test first.

Sorry for your loss 🩷

K0OLA1D · 09/02/2024 13:00

I didn't wait for a period after I had a miscarriage, but I naturally got one anyway. I got pregnant again the month after.

Sorry you're going through this op x

Shinyandnew1 · 09/02/2024 13:47

My midwife told me ma y of her ladies got pregnant just after a miscarriage -she said maybe they could be more fertile then.

SpraggleWaggle · 09/02/2024 13:49

cadburyegg · 09/02/2024 12:46

I don't think you necessarily need to wait for your first period but they should tell you to wait for a negative pregnancy test. This is because they need to make sure all the pregnancy tissue is gone (sorry) so when you get another positive pregnancy test, it definitely means you are pregnant again, rather than the hormones/tissue still lingering.

Sorry it's unpleasant, I had a non straightforward mc a few years ago with retained products etc, so I'd strongly recommend making sure you get a negative pregnancy test first.

Sorry for your loss 🩷

This is good advice. The hormones can hang around longer than you think so getting a negative first means you can be sure a positive is a positive.

mummy21blueeyed · 09/02/2024 13:51

I had 2 early miscarriages and healthy pregnant so 3 pregnancies all within January-April last period was December and didn’t have another until after I’d given birth. It is possible.

BertieBotts · 09/02/2024 13:52

There is no medical reason to wait. At 6 weeks you are very unlikely to have anything retained. They can date the pregnancy better from a scan than period dates anyway, also it's not that likely to conceive the very next cycle (around 1 in 5, like normal).

Original poster
lkjhuytiop · 09/02/2024 15:15

BertieBotts · 09/02/2024 13:52

There is no medical reason to wait. At 6 weeks you are very unlikely to have anything retained. They can date the pregnancy better from a scan than period dates anyway, also it's not that likely to conceive the very next cycle (around 1 in 5, like normal).

Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
lkjhuytiop · 09/02/2024 15:37

mummy21blueeyed · 09/02/2024 13:51

I had 2 early miscarriages and healthy pregnant so 3 pregnancies all within January-April last period was December and didn’t have another until after I’d given birth. It is possible.

So pleased you got your rainbow x

OP posts:
mummy21blueeyed · 09/02/2024 20:05

@lkjhuytiop she is now 2! It will happen for you!! I planned to stop after the second miscarriage but I was pregnant when k made the decision to take a break!! I’m sending you lots of love and positivity

SchoolQuestionnaire · 09/02/2024 20:08

I got pregnant immediately after a miscarriage and had a healthy dd. There is no medical reason to wait.

LoveSandbanks · 09/02/2024 20:11

You try again when YOU’RE ready, to hell with their “dating” difficulties 🙄

I got pregnant straight after my miscarriage, no period in between. Personally I think it’s the best thing. Later you realise that you couldn’t have both and become more than happy with the one you have ❤️

Paperandpen123 · 09/02/2024 20:13

I miscarried mid Jan and still don’t have a period. There was nothing mentioned to me about not ttc again. Only thing was to wait a full 2 weeks to avoid infection but otherwise crack on

Original poster
lkjhuytiop · 09/02/2024 20:20

LoveSandbanks · 09/02/2024 20:11

You try again when YOU’RE ready, to hell with their “dating” difficulties 🙄

I got pregnant straight after my miscarriage, no period in between. Personally I think it’s the best thing. Later you realise that you couldn’t have both and become more than happy with the one you have ❤️

Love this way of thinking. Thank you. It seems like lots of people have done this, I wonder if your body is a bit more ready for pregnancy after a miscarriage.

OP posts:
AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 09/02/2024 20:34

Sorry for your loss.

It’s not really so much to do with dating (although it might be convenient for the EPU!) it’s that you are at increased risk of another miscarriage if you don’t have at least one cycle between pregnancies. Even with early losses, the pregnancy leaves a wound on the uterine wall that needs to heal, and your uterus lining is thinner than normal on the first cycle after a pregnancy, makes it less receptive and nourishing.

I was told this at the recurrent miscarriage clinic after my 4th miscarriage - my previous pregnancy had been heavily supported by them and so when I had another miscarriage with the following pregnancy, I also didn’t want to wait as I was 40. I did take their advice though, waited a cycle, conceived on the next one (and it was successful).

Wishing you all the luck x

Original poster
lkjhuytiop · 09/02/2024 20:46

@AllThePotatoesAreSinging I thought it doesn’t work like that re womb lining? Xx

OP posts:
Mynewnameis · 09/02/2024 20:48

It's important because you will likely obsess over signs and dates. Speaking from experience here as I had 4 miscarriages and thankfully now 2 kids

aurynne · 09/02/2024 20:52

Of all the reasons given to a woman for not trying for a pregnancy whenever it's most convenient for her, "it would make us dating the pregnancy harder" must be up there with the most outrageously insensitive.

Midwife here, OP. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. The only right answer to "when should I try again?" is "when you feel ready".

Big, big hugs.

Maray1967 · 09/02/2024 20:54

I was told that there was no medical reason to wait after a standard miscarriage - although there is one type if mc where there is a risky condition and you are specifically advised to wait 6 months, if I remember correctly.

I was told that the advice to wait for a period before trying is only to make the dating straightforward. I did wait because I’m the type of person who likes things to be in order and I wanted to be certain of dates. But if you want to try again now, just wait for a negative test result.

I had 3 mcs and still got my second DS afterwards - I hope things work out for you.

Original poster
lkjhuytiop · 09/02/2024 21:12

aurynne · 09/02/2024 20:52

Of all the reasons given to a woman for not trying for a pregnancy whenever it's most convenient for her, "it would make us dating the pregnancy harder" must be up there with the most outrageously insensitive.

Midwife here, OP. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. The only right answer to "when should I try again?" is "when you feel ready".

Big, big hugs.

Thank you so much ❤️

Understand if you can’t give medical knowledge out over the internet but is it safe biologically to get pregnant again before a period, or would my womb lining be thinner and less likely to hold a pregnancy well? I don’t really know how it all works x

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