Can anyone help me with the maths, nursery/work/life situation? Feel I’m going mad!

[greenhouseparling]

Single parent on 65k. Ex is involved, pays 50% nursery and 200 a month towards general cost. Since returning from Mat leave I’ve been on a 3 day week using annual leave. This runs out in March, when DD turns 18 months.

I am feeling anxious. I don’t like the idea of her there five days a week, I know she’d be fine but I would prefer she wasn’t. I also feel exhausted as it is so not sure I will cope with five day week work and being a single parent.

I can go down to four days a week for six months. Is this financially crazy? I feel annoyed ex doesn’t have to make financial sacrifices and his pension isn’t affected etc but mine would be if I cut my days. Just wondering if others have done this, maybe it’s not as big an impact as I’m thinking? I’m not great with maths….

She will be absolutely fine on five days, you will need the coming year's annual leave to accommodate illnesses etc, and you'd be mad to give up any more opportunities than you have to. If the maths mean that you can do six months on four days that might be the compromise - but I'd strongly encourage you to make it a hardline one, back to five full days after that.

I'd go for the 4 days. You can use the extra day to enjoy your dd, rest, plan, have fun, wind down.

Are you able to do compressed hours? I know parents who work 5 days in 4. Their core hours fit in with nursery, so 8 - 5.30 4 days a week, short lunch, meaning they work 9 hour days, 36 hour weeks. They cover a couple of hours extra admin over the weekend.

If you're finding it tiring and are annoyed Ex isn't impacted the same way - do you want 50/50 custody? Then he's impacted as much as you are?

I would personally give FT a go given you haven't actually tried it yet, if it's too much then sure, reduce your hours. I know very few women with small children who work FT.

Do it. The impact won't be as much as you think because you pay less tax on the first 3 or 4 days

This is exactly what I do, works well for us!

If you can afford to drop to 4 days for a while do it. I dropped to 4 days when my youngest started nursery. I had a Wednesday off so she only ever did 2 days in a row and we had a lovely day together. I did this until she went to school. Yes my pension was affected, and my ex’s wasn’t but no point worrying about that, I’m hoping to boost my pension in the next decade a bit but it’s looking good anyway. You never get these years back so if the finances add up take the 4 day option for a while. My youngest is 16 next month, honestly the time has flown

I would look at the maths on 4 days - it might change your tax bracket and that might lower the impact of the loss in income. But don’t worry if your child does need to go in 5 days a week. They will be fine.

and yes, it is annoying that this is impacting you and not your child’s dad.

It may not make as much difference as you think. You’d lose £13k, all of which is taxed at 42% so difference to take home pay would be £7,540, or £628 a month. If you pay at least 2k into your pension you’d then be able to claim child benefit in full which is £100 a month. And you’d save one day childcare a week (make sure your ex continues to pay for 2.5 days, he shouldn’t benefit from you cutting hours), which is probably another £200. So you’d be down about £300 a month. Can you afford that?

I would say though, don’t be resentful of you ex on this one. She will be absolutely fine in nursery five days. If you drop a day, you’re doing it because you want to spend more time with her. Which is great, but it is your decision, not your ex’s.

Don't change just for 6 months. Regardless of the financial impact, you'll just find yourself in the exact same place once it's over. And it maybe harder, not easier, for you both to make that jump to 5 days. By then DC will have in a routine and have opinions and doing more days in nursery may become a fight.

Edited to add - find a solution which works best until school starts.

Can you WFH at all OP?

I have found my WFH days are good recovery days, as while yes I am working, I have time at home without my baby to sort stuff out / relax a bit.

And in terms of worrying about them being tired from nursery, I’ve never noticed that- my child loves it.

I wouldn't bother doing this for only six months. You'll still feel anxious about her going for five days at that point - you won't suddenly think "oh it's fine now". You're just putting it off a few months.

There are tax calculators on the internet which tell you how much worse off you'll be. It won't be a fifth of you wages. Also you won't need to pay nursery that day for six months.

If you can work 4 days then do!!!

Im not sure where you live but for me, with the tax, it made very little difference financially to work 4 days but was absolutely AMAZING mentally and physically to be working 4 days!!!

If you're going to drop to 4 days, don't do it with AL. Do it formally and properly. That way you will still have your pro rata leave entitlement and as pp said, you might need those for days when your dd is poorly.

Can you increase your pension contribution so it doesn't take the hit?

And yeah, it's well annoying that this appears to be a woman problem, but, these years do fly by, and if you want to have that extra day to regroup, spend time with dd and make the rest of your week easier, I'd do it. In fact, I do do it. Kids are last year of primary and I have no intention of working 5 days yet. On my day off I do the bulk of the shit work so my weekends are my own. It really works for me!

Is your exh paying everything he should be?

I wouldn't do four days, everyone I know that has ends up doing a full time job for less pay.

I do full-time but compressed.

Also, don’t take a Friday off! Or a Monday, take a midweek day as then you never have to work a load of days in a row.

Its so handy for many things and also, if your child gets sick you will only need on or two days off before they are ok again.

(This probably doesn’t make sense, but to me, there was nothing worse than that gut wrenching feeling when your child starts coughing first thing on a Monday morning and you know what is coming and you have a full 5 days straight of work to figure out, it’s the pits)

I did 4 days a week for 10 years and it had no effect on my pension (but I will be there 100 years when I retire 😂so that may not the the case in your situation)

4 day weeks are the best!!!

Is the ex doing any childcare days? Or is he also working five days?
Trust your gut.

I dropped to 4 days, not for early years childcare reasons, but it's been amazing for sorting household stuff and my own health issues.
And I'm so much more productive at work so employers happy as well. And as others have said my salary didn't drop as much as I thought it would because of the tax issues.
I also used the time to get some life coaching and from that I learnt yeah be angry at your selfish ex and patriarchy be honest about your feelings then they can dissipate!

I wouldn't worry too much about it. You earn 13k a day so could drop to 52k or 45.5k for 3.5 days which you could then compress into 3. You'd then be eligible for child benefit and the reduction would mostly be from 40% tax bracket so losing 19.5k to drop 2 days nursery would reduce your income by £1k a month and your nursery costs would drop by maybe £600 a month plus whatever it costs you to commute. If you can afford it I'd go for it.

I'd do it. It'll gradually work you up to five days a week and the pension hit on 6 months will be minimal - diarise yourself to do a pension top up when DC starts full time school.

As others have said, have a play with a take home salary calculator and adjust for your reduced hours, then take off the nursery fees depending on 4/5 days and see what’s left in both scenarios. Plus add in child benefit if your reduced salary will mean you qualify for this.

If you pay into your pension via salary sacrifice the contributions will be tax fee and this will reduce your take-home income to help you qualify for child benefit.

Also, don’t forget the tax free childcare scheme which will help too.

@TheSeasonalNameChange thanks this is v helpful. So are you saying dropping to 3 days is even better financially? Ex pays 50% nursery. I don’t intend on telling him if I do this as he never asks or even knows the name of DD’s nursery!! He is a weekend dad 🙄

Surely it depends on your other outgoings (mortgage etc).