Can anyone help me with the maths, nursery/work/life situation? Feel I’m going mad!

[greenhouseparling]

Single parent on 65k. Ex is involved, pays 50% nursery and 200 a month towards general cost. Since returning from Mat leave I’ve been on a 3 day week using annual leave. This runs out in March, when DD turns 18 months.

I am feeling anxious. I don’t like the idea of her there five days a week, I know she’d be fine but I would prefer she wasn’t. I also feel exhausted as it is so not sure I will cope with five day week work and being a single parent.

I can go down to four days a week for six months. Is this financially crazy? I feel annoyed ex doesn’t have to make financial sacrifices and his pension isn’t affected etc but mine would be if I cut my days. Just wondering if others have done this, maybe it’s not as big an impact as I’m thinking? I’m not great with maths….

Think about 3.5 to 4 days to get salary under £50k, you’ll then get child benefit and the cost won’t be as much as you think as the income over £50k will be taxed at 40%.

could do 4 days and put the bit over £50k into a pension.

I’m a single parent (widow) of 3. Similar salary. They were all at nursery at same time and I went down to 4 days at the time. It’s not quite a 20% pay cut because the 5th day would have been at higher rate tax plus there’s not travel costs that day or childcare. But it does make a noticeable difference to your pay packet. However that day off with my 3 was invaluable. I was precious about it. Didn’t do jobs, just child centred activities with just us (no groups or anything as they had all that at nursery). To this day they still talk fondly about our “mummy Thursdays”. Only thing to bear in mind is that work don’t have to allow you to revert back to ft, so that could be tricky and you need to be strict about not working at all on that day (no emails or calls) or suddenly they’ll be getting 5 days work for 4 days pay!

Just a quick note to say, once your child is at school and you aren’t paying nursery, could you manage on £50k a year? If so, salary sacrifice into your pension to get down to that level. Means you will be able to build up your pension again, and you will be eligible for full child benefit (£96 every four weeks for one child). The effective tax rate above £50k is high otherwise as you start to lose child benefit.

I work 3 days as a single parent. With childcare costs, the extra tax etc etc. I wouldn't be hugely better off. And I get to-be a present parent, doing most of the 3.30 school pickups and all of the 8.30 drop offs. I have some timento do life admin. Of course I have managed to tailor my lifestyle around this, but my daughter wants for nothing. Days out weekends away, holidays in the UK, camping trips. I honestly don't feel I need anything more. I'm very happy with my lifebat the moment, and I feel a darn sight happier as I'm not running myself ragged trying to do everything.

Another thought is can you do your job in 4 days otherwise you could still end up working evenings and weekends to keep on top of it?
would your work allow you to drop a day?

I have worked full time since my daughter was 2 - I do have a husband who helps but I could still have done it when she was at nursery. She went 5 days a week and she absolutely was fine, thrived in fact. And now she’s at school and is very sociable, finds the 9-3 day a breeze and is loving all her holidays 😂 I would give full time a go - it is a temporary problem and things do have a way of working themselves out… readdress if it really does all go to shit (which it won’t).

I do four longs days, you pay for nursery between 8-6 anyway so I work 8:30 - 5:30 with a 30 minute lunch, rather than paying for 8-6 and working 9-5 which means I was paying for 2 hours a day I didn’t need.

Its nice to have the extra day off to go to toddler groups, the library and swimming

For everyone that works full time, do you find it a nightmare covering x5 days a week for all the holidays, x13 weeks a year? Looking at going back to work but with x2 at infants I really don’t get how I could work full time and we could cover this trying to stretch annual leave etc. no grandparent help. Eldest prob won’t cope well with holiday clubs. Once the nursery years over the childcare issue seems to get a lot harder?!! Or am I being dramatic and it works itself out?

If you can be comfortable on 4 days a week, I'd do that.

I would definitely take the 4 days for six months while you dc is still little. You have much time to make up pensions etc.

I have a friend with three (7, 4 and 1) and she did 4 days for several months then when she went back to 5 days, she WFH Wedneday she says it makes a massive difference.

I'd do it for 6 months and then look at what you need. The problem with Fridays off is by then you are exhausted. Mid week is much better for sustainability and not always being in recovery.

You mentioned your dd's dad is a weekend dad? Sounds like maybe he takes dd for some time over the weekend? Having Wed off would give you balance in time off in that respect too. As best you can I'd also suggest doing what you can to make life easier before you have to go FT - freeze meals, learn to use a slow cooker, get into a really good routine, declutter. As a FT working Mum those things really make a difference.

To play devil's advocate, why should the ex pay an increased proportion of nursery to facilitate OP's contact time? If the positions were reversed, and a man was asking a woman to pay 2.5/4 days instead of keeping it 50/50 then people would be up in arms.

Although currently, it sounds like they are both paying 1.5 days/week if the child is in nursery 3 days per week.

Because the child needs childcare whether that's provided by parent or nursery. OP has said ex is a weekend dad so presumably she's doing all the life admin, mental load, pickups and drop-offs and night wakes on top of her job. She's sacrificing 2 days per week annual leave to facilitate them only having 3 days a week childcare costs. The ex should already be paying for half the cost of 5 days a week childcare or taking the financial hit of cutting his hours to provide some of the weekly childcare. Talk about women supporting women on here!

OP if you can afford to and want to go part time, do it. I work 4 days per week because thats what I'm able to do, I love the extra day where soft plays, toddler groups etc are open. Sometimes I put them in nursery an extra day and use my day off to catch up on life admin and or sleep. It's a financial hit to go part time, but it's time with your child you'll never get back. In a few years time they'll be at school 5 days a week. Presumably if dad is having contact at weekends, you won't get even be getting a full weekend with toddler anyway a lot of the time.