Teen girl disclosure

sunr111se · 2024-02-08T22:17:17+00:00

y daughter just unloaded as I was reading her bedtime story (yes she's 13 and still likes a story at bedtime), she said one of her friends was drunk on arriving at school and had told her she's been drinking vodka and lemonade all night as her dad was scaring her. My daughter poured the contents of the drink bottle away and brought her a bottle of water; they aren't in any classes together and she didn't want to get her friend in trouble by saying anything. She said this child has regularly told her that her parents scare her and she doesn't feel safe but has lots of siblings and wants to make them safe. My daughter says she's got bruises on her body that they see when they change for PEand she is always scared and "scratchy". What do I do with this information? I was going to email the safeguarding lead but not sure whether I'm over reacting? So my AIBU is would I be n reasonable to contact school?

sunr111se · 08/02/2024 22:19

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Superduper02 · 08/02/2024 22:22

YANBU to want to contact the safeguarding lead. Unfortunately, it may lead to this girl and her siblings' lives being completely turned upside down if the physical and emotional abuse is true. Ask your daughter who else knows about this? You don't want your daughter to be put in hot water with either the girl or her parents. Hopefully a PE teacher would be well placed to notice something like this if given a nudge in the right direction.

I don't know if what I'm saying is right. What a dilemma. Sorry for the child.

Tel12 · 08/02/2024 22:29

You can't unknow what you know so I don't think that you have any choice but to notify the school. Suppose something happened and you had an opportunity to prevent it, or at least try?

Porageeater · 08/02/2024 22:31

Tel12 · 08/02/2024 22:29

You can't unknow what you know so I don't think that you have any choice but to notify the school. Suppose something happened and you had an opportunity to prevent it, or at least try?

This

barelyfunctional · 08/02/2024 22:32

Talk to the school first thing tomorrow, tell them everything your daughter has said. Chances are they’ve picked up on it anyway and it will help them confirm that somethings going on.

sprigatito · 08/02/2024 22:34

You need to write down what your daughter said, as accurately as possible, then ring the school in the morning and ask for the designated safeguarding lead. Never a nice thing to have to do, but I don't think you have any choice. Poor girl.

DontBeAPrickDarren · 08/02/2024 22:34

You’re not overreacting. Tell the school tomorrow. If they don’t seem to be taking it seriously enough, you can report the disclosure to social services directly.

DelilahsHaven · 08/02/2024 22:35

You wouldn't be overreacting, definitely contact the school Safeguarding Lead tomorrow.

You can mention sensitivities about it being disclosed to your daughter and not wishing to break trust in their friendship.

ghostyslovesheets · 08/02/2024 22:36

@Superduper02 it's not a dilemma at all - you report a disclosure of abuse

you other option is leave a distressed child and her younger siblings in a home that scares her and where she is being abused.

Catsfrontbum · 08/02/2024 22:37

Or you can call the safeguarding teamat the local council too. You’ll be able to Google it. If you didn’t want to call the school and keep your Dd anonymous/removed from the situation.

there will be a duty line that’s monitored through the night.

Original poster

sunr111se · 08/02/2024 22:41

Thanks all; the confirmation I needed.have emailed school with what has been said and I will follow up first thing with a call. Wanted it down in writing so I had something to refer back to and a record. My daughter didn't want to talk to a teacher as she wasn't really sure who to trust (breaks my heart a bit hearing that) but She knows I am going to do something with what she's told me.

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MountainBarbie · 08/02/2024 22:43

Report it, nobody would ignore it if a woman disclosed this from her husband. You're her voice at her age.

Hankunamatata · 08/02/2024 22:44

What did dd say she wanted you to do? Did she have an opinion?

Depending on what dd wants, depends on the route you go but definitely needs reported.

If dd is ok woth you contracting the school - I would phone safeguarding at the school in morning. They can then talk you through process

If dd wants to remain annonmous there is usually council social services hub to report online or nspcc

Original poster

sunr111se · 08/02/2024 22:45

Catsfrontbum · 08/02/2024 22:37

Or you can call the safeguarding teamat the local council too. You’ll be able to Google it. If you didn’t want to call the school and keep your Dd anonymous/removed from the situation.

there will be a duty line that’s monitored through the night.

Thank you. I have called this before when a neighbours kids came to tell me they couldn't wake their mum up (they climbed out a window to get to my house), think I'd sooner talk to school in this instance as I don't know anything like address,
Surname etc (my daughter said all the kids have different surnames and her friend has changed hers multiple times), I know first name and current surname and form class so they'll know who I mean at school

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Hankunamatata · 08/02/2024 22:45

sunr111se · 08/02/2024 22:41

Thanks all; the confirmation I needed.have emailed school with what has been said and I will follow up first thing with a call. Wanted it down in writing so I had something to refer back to and a record. My daughter didn't want to talk to a teacher as she wasn't really sure who to trust (breaks my heart a bit hearing that) but She knows I am going to do something with what she's told me.

Well done op. And well done to dd for being brave

Celticliving · 08/02/2024 22:46

This is such a sad situation but you have done what you know you needed to do.

As someone else has said, write down, as accurately as possible, what your daughter told you; and get your daughter to do the same thing with everything she was told by her friend.

It's so much better to report and be wrong than to not report and the whole thing be true.

Well done, this isn't easy but you have done the right thing. Please be careful now with updates on here. You have to be so, so careful with safeguarding.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/02/2024 22:46

Superduper02 · 08/02/2024 22:22

YANBU to want to contact the safeguarding lead. Unfortunately, it may lead to this girl and her siblings' lives being completely turned upside down if the physical and emotional abuse is true. Ask your daughter who else knows about this? You don't want your daughter to be put in hot water with either the girl or her parents. Hopefully a PE teacher would be well placed to notice something like this if given a nudge in the right direction.

I don't know if what I'm saying is right. What a dilemma. Sorry for the child.

Her life will hopefully be turned around in a good way

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/02/2024 22:47

You've done the right thing.

You might want to consider offering your daughter support of what to do if her friend is angry/what can she say to her friend to assure her that she cares about her and was worried etc

Original poster

sunr111se · 08/02/2024 22:48

Hankunamatata · 08/02/2024 22:44

What did dd say she wanted you to do? Did she have an opinion?

Depending on what dd wants, depends on the route you go but definitely needs reported.

If dd is ok woth you contracting the school - I would phone safeguarding at the school in morning. They can then talk you through process

If dd wants to remain annonmous there is usually council social services hub to report online or nspcc

My daughter wants me to do something. I've explained no one will say it's come
From her but she's done the right thing telling me. To be honest I think she's so worried now she actually doesn't care if it comes back on her.

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Singleandproud · 08/02/2024 22:52

You've done the right thing. As for those saying it's a dilemma and up to what your DD wants it absolutely is not.

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility, the school will treat it as anonymous information your child will not be identified to the friend although the safeguarding officer may talk to your daughter 1:1 to get a first hand account.

Children in secondary schools know about safeguarding and domestic violence and they are taught the procedure and what to do if they experience it or think a friend has. Both children have done the right thing by talking out to a trusted person and you have done the right thing by reporting to an authority.

VeryGoodVeryNice · 08/02/2024 22:53

IME the school won’t do anything about it unless the girl herself is prepared to disclose it. Eg, my daughter’s friend at school made a disclosure about abuse to my daughter, my daughter told a member of staff, the school then spoke to the girl in question who denied it all. She only felt brave enough to tell the truth a couple of years later, and then action was taken by the school and SS. So your email will trigger the girl being questioned about it, or at least it should do, but the words need to come out of her mouth, otherwise it’s hearsay.

sprigatito · 08/02/2024 22:53

You should be immensely proud of your daughter, she's a credit to you.

Original poster

sunr111se · 08/02/2024 22:53

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/02/2024 22:47

You've done the right thing.

You might want to consider offering your daughter support of what to do if her friend is angry/what can she say to her friend to assure her that she cares about her and was worried etc

This is good advice; I will work out what to say. I've told her that if this girl wants anything or asks for a meet up etc anytime
Is fine; I'm a little worried about putting too much on my daughters shoulders; she seems relieved she's told me,

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sprigatito · 08/02/2024 22:54

VeryGoodVeryNice · 08/02/2024 22:53

IME the school won’t do anything about it unless the girl herself is prepared to disclose it. Eg, my daughter’s friend at school made a disclosure about abuse to my daughter, my daughter told a member of staff, the school then spoke to the girl in question who denied it all. She only felt brave enough to tell the truth a couple of years later, and then action was taken by the school and SS. So your email will trigger the girl being questioned about it, or at least it should do, but the words need to come out of her mouth, otherwise it’s hearsay.

Edited

Your school behaved negligently and failed in its duty of care. This would not happen in any school I have worked in.

Original poster

sunr111se · 08/02/2024 22:56

sprigatito · 08/02/2024 22:53

You should be immensely proud of your daughter, she's a credit to you.

That's so lovely. Thank you. In a shitty shitty experience that's really nice to read 😘 I'm so proud of her.

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