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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

dh is quitting smoking yet again and I am sick of him yelling at us!

34 replies

christie1 · 22/03/2008 00:01

dh just stomped off as I finally told dh to stop yelling at me and the kids as he chose to smoke and he had to live with the consequences of withdrawal. My patience has run out, he has tried to stop smoking for the past 2 years and achieves short periods of time, usually a few days, then sneaks them at work then just starts smoking outside the house again. I support him 100% in quitting but have had it with his behavior when he quits.He usually chooses the weekend or a holiday, holes up in a room and only comes out to complain or yell at me or the kids. If I say a word, he threatens to start smoking or says it is my fault if he starts up as I am making him mad and not supporting him. He can get quite nasty and becomes hyper critical about everything (usually my parenting is a prime topic). I try hard to keep my mouth shut but think this is enough. It is easter weekend, he took the computer and tv to the bedroom,spent all day there while we played in the living room. We joine dhim after supper and he yelled at us the whole time and finally I told him to stop yelling and he went nuts, threw the computer, said he was going to buy smokes, it was all my fault and I should not pick a fight with him when he is trying to quit. I said it was his choice if he smoked or not but I wasn't putting up with the yelling or threats. HE stormed off to another bedroom and we haven't seen him sense. It is very peaceful right not but he really upset the kids by his outburst. Anyone else lived with a nicotine deprived lunatic? How do I handle this? Should I have put up and shut up yet again.

OP posts:
oops · 22/03/2008 00:09

Message withdrawn

TalkroundupElf · 22/03/2008 00:11

Blimy poor you. I would pay for him to stay in a hotel for the week, or actually maybe you and the children should go away while he gets himself over the worst

Totally not your fault!

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 00:13

He's acting like a spoilt brat.

Sorry, but I've been addicted to smoking.

And you are right, it is NO ONE'S fault that it was tough to quit.

He has no right to treat you like that.

How dare he say it's your fault.

That's a crock of shit and I would tell him that.

There is never an excuse for threatening or abusive behaviour like his, and the next time he acted like that, I'd call the police.

If it's that hard for him to come off it, he needs to talk to his GP or ring the NHS smoking cessation hotline to get nicotine replacement and a support group in place.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 00:14

I wouldn't pay for him to do jack shit.

He's a grown adult, ffs.

Acting like an ASBO teenager.

And plenty of us on here know how hard it is to give up.

oops · 22/03/2008 00:18

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 00:20

Sorry, but imagine the example he's setting the kids when he acts like that.

WTF.

And he does it over and over again.

Hell, he'd better be glad he's not with me, because I have a hell of a temper when I'm pissed off.

I'd have gone and bought him a packet of fags and told him to please light up and smoke himself into an early grave so we wouldn't have to put up with his immature bullshit.

Not being supportive, my arse.

Acting like a raving lunatic in front of your kids because you cocked up your life getting addicted to shit just straight up isn't on.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 00:24

i remember having a boyfriend who picked a row with me.

he was a drunk, so off he stormed to the pub and came back in about 2AM and crashed on the couch.

the next day he tried to blame me for his hangover.

i threw him out then and there.

Remotew · 22/03/2008 00:26

Must admit I havent read/focused on this but if he is giving up smoking give him a break. It's not easy and there is a chemical reaction in the brain that will make his adrenaline work overtime for about 4 weeks. Then it will settle down. Sorry if I've rushed into this but I'm an expert ex/dropped out non smoker.

Remotew · 22/03/2008 00:28

expat, you are funny i've noticed you on-line a lot recently.

BurpyErnie · 22/03/2008 00:31

I think he's acting like a spoilt child! Please do yourself a favour and follow all of Expat's advise! He wants to try being pregnant and giving up smoking... the he might have grounds for complaint but not very much. Either give up or stop trying to give up. And tell him to stop moaning about it

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 00:37

i live in a rural area with not much to do, one of our cars is broken and i have an ill little kid just now and am ill with pregnancy, so i'm online a lot just now.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 00:38

throwing stuff around and threatening your family isn't on.

Remotew · 22/03/2008 00:40

Expat, yes I thought you were pg from other threads. Hope it all goes well for you. How old is your little DC and when are you due?

Oblomov · 22/03/2008 00:50

Expat, did the chorizo start the whole sickness thing, or is there other stuff going on /coming out ?

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 00:51

no, the baby started the puking thing, Ob .

it's been carrying on doing it.

it's also broken out my skin and made my hair greasy.

it's also started to give me stretch marks.

and heartburn.

Oblomov · 22/03/2008 00:54

stretch marks already ? Bllody hell, thats bad. I'm sure ive got a bit of biol oil left int he back of the bathroom cupboard, I can send you. Mind you I can't see it helping you out preg'zilla
Can't expect f**king miracles, now can we, even form bio oil

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 00:57

the only one i'd believe could get rid of my tummy after this one's out is a surgeon holding a scalpel, right before the anaesthetist puts me out.

Oblomov · 22/03/2008 01:01

oh well sod the bio oil, go for tummy tuck, straight after the birth then

madamez · 22/03/2008 01:01

He will find it easier to give up smoking if he uses nicotine replacements, hypnotism or some sort of support group. Tell him if he's not prepared to do it that way, to f* off and buy some fags and go and smoke them in the shed.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 01:02

i agree, z.

cold turkey also has a lower success rate than nicotine replacement + support group.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 01:02

i agree, z.

cold turkey also has a lower success rate than nicotine replacement + support group.

oops · 22/03/2008 01:05

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 22/03/2008 01:07

i just turn into a pitiful lump whilst preggo.

except if my husband went all ghetto and threw electronic equipment around because he stopped smoking.

Oblomov · 22/03/2008 01:08

ob made a joke. oops lol. Thanks.

christie1 · 22/03/2008 01:36

ok, you made me smile. ASBO teenager, yep, sounds about right. Perhaps I should write on up and leave it on his pillow. I do have sympathy for addicts, I have quit myself, but I did see it as my problem, not anyone else's. He is behaving like a spoiled brat when I think about the tantrums everytime he quits. I have considered going to a hotel with a pool with the kid for the rest of the weekend but wonder if it would make things worse. The hardest part is that I know after all this by next week he will be back on them again so all this for nothing. He has tried tapes, bought the patch, nicorette (never uses them, talked to doctors, called the helplines, never follows through. I am most upset because my ds cried himself to sleep as he was scared my dh was going to hit me (he never has) and asked me if I could unmarry him. That was really upsetting. He shouldn't have to see stuff like that. I know it's addiction driven so I put upwith more crap than I should but it is giving me pause when the kdis are getting affected by this. I plan to talk to him when he is reasonable and tell him about what my ds said.

OP posts: