To feel this way so soon after a break up?

[normalorbo]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me Sunday night, short term relationship of only 6 months. He was a classic avoidant which really triggered my anxiety. He said I am 'too much' but he would like to chat and check in with me once in a while. I declined this offer saying I don't think this is healthy. I agreed with him he was making the correct choice, however, I did text him asking questions and we had a phone-call Monday night where he heard me crying. I haven't contacted him since.

I spent the full day Monday and Tuesday sick to my stomach, crying, unable to get out of bed. This morning I woke up to a text from him, 'hey I hope you're feeling a bit better'. I blocked him.

I honestly now feel so elated. It is so nice to not be constantly checking my phone, waiting for him to text me, it is so nice to not have a knot in my stomach for the first time in 6 months. I feel like I can concentrate on me again, and my family, my friends, my career. I've started to think about the bad things about him and no longer feel I'm missing out.

What a change from yesterday where I literally felt like my heart was broken. I honestly now feel on a cloud today and have no interest in speaking to him ever again.

Is this normal? I have never had a break up that within two days I'm normal. They usually take a while for me to heal. Will this hit me again when I least expect it?

Yeah I think that's the most likely scenario.

Not necessarily. I felt quite chilled out after such a relationship ending but I did see it coming (like you probably did - even if you didn't realise). It's wearing being with such a person, who clearly has one foot out the door, even if you like them. I didn't block him, and we're friendly - not friends - now. I think because of how he was, avoident, on-offy, I didn't invest too heavily in it and wasn't shocked. On the other hand, breakups where I was invested (because he acted/was also) invested and didn't expect the relationship to end, I've taken very hard.
Just have fun for now would be my excellent advice.

What is the most likely scenario? That it will hit me again? I hope not

I blocked him on WhatsApp but he has now just tried to call me twice via phone. Should I block? I feel guilty or worried something is wrong.

No. Ignore him. He dumped you.

Personally, from experience, I think don't pick up the phone. He ended it and said you are too much...you feel better away from him.. don't let him back in your head. You aren't too much and he was really unkind to say that.

You're not 'too much', he's just a self centred child.

It's hard to say. I split with my ex husband 6 years ago and I've never once cried, mourned, etc. I just felt relief and still do. It was a relationship that made me feel very irritated on an almost constant basis.

What I will say is trust your nervous system. When someone sets off my anxiety constantly I've learnt it's my brain trying to tell me something is wrong even if I don't know what. With men it's been right every time so far. I was abused growing up, so anyone who makes me feel on edge in that same way is an instant no go.

He text and said he is worried about me as I was so upset the other night (I was) and wanted to check I was okay. I feel so guilty, I don't want him worrying but I know as soon as I message him I will be waiting on a response.

Message him saying thanks, but I'm really OK. Then block.

Ooh, he is an avoidant. They hate being ignored. Block, block, block or you'll get a lot more of this from them.

Dating an avoidant is tough and messes with your mental and emotional health, especially if they're a fearful avoidant as they're often 'nice' people and it's just so difficult to reconcile the two sides of their personality. The constant roller coaster keeps you off balance. Don't let him have any more power over you.

He’s not worrying - he’s fine! Don’t waste your energy feeling guilty.

He wasn’t worried all of those times when you were together and he was making you feel anxious.

He just doesn’t like having a taste of his own medicine.

Block and move on. There’s zillions more fish in the sea.

If you want - IF - I will let you reply in a fortnight saying "Sorry, for late reply, been really busy. I'm good. Hope you are too."
But, don't do this if you still fancy him. He's had his chance and wasted it. Idiot.

And don't feel guilty!

No contact is the only way, otherwise you are just prolonging the weaning off stage, waiting around in hope and getting nowhere. Leave whilst your ahead, if you do contact him and he doesn't reply you'll be straight back to square one again.

I’d just text him and say you’re absolutely fine today but just don’t want all this contact from him. Tell him you both need to close the door and move on. Then block him on everything.

I would text back “I’m fine, now im
blocking you” and then do it on everything. Feel the elation, it’s telling you it’s the right thing for u to be separated from this vulture.

Stay strong. He's trying to pull you back now he thinks you don't want him. If you show you do he'll push you away again. It's the avoidant way

Ignore him and move on, trust your instincts and the way you feel and don’t let him try and manipulate you. He won’t change

He wasn't worried about your feelings when he slagged you off and dumped you.

Ignore and move on.

Sounds to me like dumping you was just him trying to get you begging him to come back, a control thing. It’s not worked and now he’s in a panic trying to love bomb, trying to get you to talk so he can control the relationship boundaries again. Whatever’s going on, just block and move on.

Do this!!

and I agree with pps saying he's not worried about you, he's just feeling like he's lost the hold he had over you because you're not begging him for attention like you did all those times

The obvious reason for you feeling relieved is that he was bad for you- you felt anxious and insecure in the relationship.

However, if you often find yourself struggling to keep your emotions stable- swinging from depressive weepy moods or severe anxiety to elation/euphoria then you may have an issue regulating your emotions? That might be something to be aware of.

In light of your recent break up , I’m assuming the former and of course it’s normal to feel up and down after a break up.

How is he continuing to contact you if you’ve blocked his number? I’d let him know “thanks but I’m fine” wish him well and move on.

Give yourself some me time before looking for any new relationship