My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Paying grandparents for childcare - Yes or No?

105 replies

Firsttimemumz · 08/02/2024 11:28

Context - grandparent is doing childcare for 3 days a week, sometimes 4 occasionally (around 10 hours a day)

Friend thinks paying grandparents for childcare is ridiculous, out of order that they’d even accept a penny. She said she would question if my child is a money making business for his grandparent.

I’m paying them £20 a day which in my eyes is very cheap for childcare. I offered this amount, so grandparent could buy themselves lunch etc if they go out with baby or if they want to treat themselves. Feel it’s good to pay, to show appreciation. Saving us hundreds a month. Grandparent more than happy with this, wouldn’t accept more.

Going to continue our arrangement but interested to know your views

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

283 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
6%
You are NOT being unreasonable
94%
Veggie1961 · 08/02/2024 16:39

Dotjones · 08/02/2024 15:59

If anything grandparents should be paying to look after the grandchildren, the money shouldn't be going in the other direction.

🙄!

Report
Firsttimemumz · 08/02/2024 16:40

Dotjones · 08/02/2024 15:59

If anything grandparents should be paying to look after the grandchildren, the money shouldn't be going in the other direction.

This is a new one 😂

OP posts:
Report
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/02/2024 16:41

You're not paying for the childcare you're literally just giving pocket money for food

Report
Firsttimemumz · 08/02/2024 16:42

Iwasafool · 08/02/2024 15:56

Maybe the OP wants the child/children to be able to do other things, go to soft play or swimming or have lunch out. I imagine the OP does want that as she is providing some money to cover it.

I’d actually pay for them activities as extras and wouldn’t expect Nan to do it out of the £20 xx

OP posts:
Report
Firsttimemumz · 08/02/2024 16:43

SecondUsername4me · 08/02/2024 16:21

OP is your dm past retirement age? 3 or 4 10hr days a week looking after a baby or toddler is surely exhausting?

She is coming up to 50.

OP posts:
Report
Sageseashells · 08/02/2024 16:43

30-40 hours a week of childcare is a huge amount for grandparents, I think it's very reasonable to pay 20 a day to cover their costs. If it were for a few hours a week then I wouldn't pay anything if they're enjoying their time together, but that's a very different scenario.

Report
fleurneige · 08/02/2024 16:45

£20 a day - is just pin money and not a wage. £20 per hour is the pay for a cleaner.

So if it is to buy a meal out or a treat, flowers for the house, etc. and they are happy with this, yes continue.

Report
whereimfrom · 08/02/2024 16:46

BodenCardiganNot · 08/02/2024 11:37

@icallshade
My mum wanted £60 per day (8-4) to look after my daughter as she would be losing a wage from work.
I declined.

What would you think is a fair wage for an 8 hour working day minding a child?

That's ridiculous.

I only pay the childminder £35 a day for my son and he goes 4 days a week.

I do provide lunch but I'm fine with that for £35 a day.

Report
TeddyBeans · 08/02/2024 16:50

I didn't pay my mum when she would pick DC up from nursery and look after him until I got home from work because she was also working then and refused to let me as she had her own money. She's given up her job to look after DC2 so I can work. Naturally I now pay her as she has no form of income and still has bills to pay. It works for us! If it works for you then ignore your batty friend!

Report
missmollygreen · 08/02/2024 16:51

icallshade · 08/02/2024 11:32

My mum wanted £60 per day (8-4) to look after my daughter as she would be losing a wage from work.
I declined.
I feel that if I'm paying then she should be providing more than basic care ie activities etc and she wasnt willing to do that. I actually pay less for nursery due to tax free childcare!

That is a different situation though. If you are expecting a GP to miss out on wages then you should be covering those missed wages.

Report
Thedance · 08/02/2024 16:53

I don't expect payment and wouldn't accept any money if it was offered. Even though i always spend money on the GC when I care for them.
But everyone's circumstances are different and if you and your parents are content it doesn't matter what other people say.

Report
Gloriousgardener11 · 08/02/2024 16:56

I think £20 is a nice token gesture.
Expecting GPs to look after their GC whilst the parents go out to work/ go on holiday etc is a cheek and you only have to popover to Gransnet to see the number of threads from disgruntled, put upon GPs who are thoroughly cheesed off at having to cut their working hours or spend their retirement doing free childcare for their ungrateful, entitled adult children.

Report
MCOut · 08/02/2024 17:00

I don’t see anything wrong with paying grandparents. Regardless most people, if they can afford it, will usually help out their parents even if it isn’t a direct payment. This is just formalising it, especially when you know they are saving you a lot of money. It’s definitely not wrong to make sure they’re not out of pocket. I’m less inclined to look at it as something transactional but rather family sharing resources.

Report
Murdoch1949 · 09/02/2024 06:35

As it is a regular commitment, I definitely think you should be paying. I actually think the £20 per day is too low, even though they wanted less. If I were you I'd continue with the amount but at Christmas give them a bonus of say £1000 (that you've saved for during the year), to show your appreciation of their support and care. If you feel they would not accept the money you could buy them a holiday or large present. They are worth their weight in gold to you.

Report
Gabby10 · 09/02/2024 06:43

YANBU My dad and stepmum look after DD half day Friday. I did offer £20 a week but they were having none of it, I've explained so many times how they're saving me £160-£200 a month doing this and their response was 'well if you want us to have her the full day and save more we can' 😂. They love having her and point blank refuse money- safe to say I just buy them a better birthday/Xmas presents than I would normally. Does your friend pay any childcare at the moment? I wonder if that's why she thinks you shouldn't pay. I have the odd occasion where something comes up with work and I have to rely on them for an extra day or bank hols for example when nursery is closed and I always feel like I'm taking the piss! I wish they would take payment!

Report
10ThousandSpoons · 09/02/2024 06:46

It's between you and your mum. Don't let your friend start stirring the pot. There's nothing wrong with your arrangement and it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you're questioning it.

Report
Foodieasfuck · 09/02/2024 06:46

I know someone whose daughter asked her to give up work to look after her grandchild. She worked because she needed the income and her daughter was more than happy to pay to replace the salary she lost. Win win.

Report
10ThousandSpoons · 09/02/2024 06:47

Foodieasfuck · 09/02/2024 06:46

I know someone whose daughter asked her to give up work to look after her grandchild. She worked because she needed the income and her daughter was more than happy to pay to replace the salary she lost. Win win.

If she's paid that much then they probably had to look at setting her up as an employee?

Report
Tatonka · 09/02/2024 06:48

Foodieasfuck · 09/02/2024 06:46

I know someone whose daughter asked her to give up work to look after her grandchild. She worked because she needed the income and her daughter was more than happy to pay to replace the salary she lost. Win win.

I know two people who did this, grandmother looked after the grandchild when mother went back to work. Whatever works for you is great. To me 20 is really a nominal amount to show it's appreciated and it also means the grandparents aren't out of pocket.

Report
AuContraire · 09/02/2024 06:49

They're saving you >£1000 a month, not hundreds.

I think giving £20 a day is a great idea so that they can do nice things with their GDC without having to think about the cost.

Your friend is strange.

Report
Vettrianofan · 09/02/2024 07:02

Remember to claim grandparents NI stamps for the grandparents doing this.

Report
SgtJuneAckland · 09/02/2024 07:10

I don't think that's paying for childcare that's covering their costs and enabling them to do things with baby.
My mum and MIL both looked after ds at points regularly albeit never more than one day a week. They would not accept any money at all, we put cash in a pot in the kitchen for things like coffees, café lunches, expenses taking him out etc and it just sat there, so we ended up doing things like paying for annual passes to local farm park/aquarium)soft play, for ds and them too, paid for them both to have a local parking permit (seaside town so parking near why activities or in town is expensive) , they would still never take the cash but we didn't want them out of pocket, they were already both using a fair amount of petrol just to get to us.
I don't see your £20 as any different to that tbh.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

LindorDoubleChoc · 09/02/2024 07:20

But you aren't paying for childcare. £20 for a 10 hour day is nowhere near "paying".

Report
Plumtop11 · 09/02/2024 07:24

We have never paid but we have covered costs. So given money for days out/soft play etc.

Report
Sneez · 09/02/2024 07:26

£20 will cover costs, they won’t be making any money!

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.