To say "finish in the bathroom by 11"?

[HairTornOutNow]

My bedroom is next to the bathroom, separated by a thin wall. When my teenage kids crash around it at night, it stops me sleeping. I've asked them to finish their ablutions by 11 and get in their rooms. Obviously if they quietly need to use the loo later, that's fine. But I want their lengthy evening routines done by 11. They are acting like it's a ridiculous request, and one is pretty much refusing. AIBU?

Could you swap rooms?

Swap rooms with one of them. A smaller room would be a small sacrifice to have some quiet at night

You're their mum, they do what you say YANBU. Equally if it works move rooms, win-win

Nope. I used to say the same to mine. My youngest used to stay up really late then start crashing around at midnight. They can be oblivious to others until it's pointed out to them.
Now he's up at 5 for work so there's nothing I can about that one 😄

YANBU at all! 11pm is generous. Growing up my mum used to say the same to us and I used to think it was unfair but now I realise we were being petulant 😂 my mum used to say 9pm - she had to be up at 5 for work. Stick to it OP, the time you’ve set is more than late enough

Thank you all. This is reassuring.
The switching rooms idea... I will explore this one...

Then when you have switched rooms you can crash about in the bathroom early in the morning!

I feel similarly about the kitchen (which my bedroom is above, and I'm not swapping). 18yo is currently cooking and I'm just off to bed.

I'm sitting in bed exhausted, knowing there's no point in trying to go to sleep yet as my youngest has announced she's having a shower and there's nothing I can do about it. Honestly I could cry sometimes....

Are we talking long baths, showers/ long dental hygiene sessions etc? If so then it's reasonable that they should get that done either earlier or wait til morning. As for bowel and bladder movements, I remember this one friend I had at school and I got barred from her house permanently by her Mum because I had to take a pee in the night and flushed! Their walls weren't even that thin, haha. There is something a bit off about trying to guilt trip someone into not weeing/pooing.

Earplugs? I sympathise, but am not sure it's realistic. One of mine doesn't get in from work until 1am, at which point he needs to eat, wash etc. I keep a box of earplugs by my bed.

I actually think 11 is quite late! You are well within your rights to enforce this - your teens need to learn that if they live with others throughout their life (uni housemates, friends, partners etc) they will need to compromise in some way.

What are the consequences for your youngest’s actions?

Take the shower head and bath plug and hide them in your room. Or start doing sanctions eg turn the WiFi off at 8pm to concentrate their minds a bit more.

Perfectly reasonable OP

Unless she is paying the mortgage or rent then she needs to go by your rules

I would never have got away with treating my mum like that in her house.

Set the rules and your boundaries and if they don’t like it then they leave if they are old enough. If they are not old enough then they should definitely be respectful of your rules

I think YAB unrealistic.
I mean, does depend a bit on the ages you are talking about - a 13 yr old, well fair enough, but by the time mine were 16, they had part time jobs where shifts didn't finish that early on some nights, and social lives on other nights.
Teens tend to be night owls. You need to swap rooms or wear ear plugs or something if you sleep lightly.

Could you a witch the hot water off at 11pm?

YANBU. We had to put a rule in place to stop teenager from going downstairs at all hours of the night to get food, showering at 3am etc. We wouldn't mind if he could do these things quietly, but he doesn't do anything quietly. So once he's upstairs, he's upstairs.

Switch, sorry (on app, can't edit)

I can't believe people are suggesting you swap rooms! It's fine to say no showers after 11pm.

This is a reasonable deadline, even if you swap rooms.

There is something you can do.

If my DC are disrespectful, I don't put myself out for them. If they want me to do something immediately, I expect them to understanding. I will ask them if it is important cos I'm tired/ whatever. If they say yes, I will help. I tell them I expect them to remember this favour when I ask them to do things. They need lifts, dinner, treats more than I need anything from them.

It is not a punishment. It's being treated like a grown up. There is plenty you do for your 13 to that you don't need to. You need sleep FFS.

We have a similar deadline on showers.

Why is ANYone having a shower at 11.30pm? Let alone a child. Why is she not in bed?

Why on earth are you not telling them to STOP?! FFS, why are they even being allowed to do this? WHY are you allowing it? You are the parent. It is your home. They live there and it's their home too, but they are secondary occupants. If you had a tenancy agreement or mortgage deeds, the kids would not be on the deeds. My kids (when they lived at home) were done in the bathroom by 7pm, and in bed for 8pm. (A bit later by their mid teens, but in bed by 9pm on a school day.)

FFS @HairTornOutNow I have to say, you need to grow a backbone and put your foot down!

Where is your DH/DP ???

Yeah I agree with this. Kids need to learn some boundaries and respect for their parents, I don't know why I suggested swapping rooms! 😳

Why is ANYone having a shower at 11.30pm? Let alone a child. Why is she not in bed?

Because some people like to have a shower after finishing work and before going to sleep.
It's not that hard to understand.

Na, I would go batshit!!

Tell them NO!!!

If they carry on bring it up daily very regularly so they are sick and tired of hearing it. If that doesn’t work, turn WiFi off and tell them why. You are shattered, frustrated, pissed off.

AIBU to say "finish in the bathroom by 11"?

You are hesitating to say this to your children. Note that stricter rules are followed by adults living alongside each other elsewhere.

In an apartment block I lived in (near Zurich), the rule was 'no shower/bath after 10pm.' You would be reported to the local authorities if you did and (within days, of a first offence) would get a stern letter.

I didn't meet anyone who'd commited a second illegal wash so don't know what would have happened next. (Perhaps such offenders were 'disappeared'. )