Need help from mumsnetters in professional services

[Pinkoctopus6]

I am in professional services and have been for 15 years. I'm below partnership level I.e. mostly a highly paid skivvy. I’m really good at my job and making steady progress up the slippery pole.

I have DC in primary school and I really just want to spend more time with them and also de-stress my life so I can be more mentally present at home. I already work part-time and non-client facing. I’ve tried really hard to care less so that I have more headspace for my kids but I’m finding it hard.

I’m currently deciding between:

1. quit and become SAHM (will be financially crippling)
2. take a low stress, lower paid role outside professional services
3. stay for the long term upside and put up with short term unhappiness

AIBU to move when I’m good at my job and highly paid?

or AINBU and should quit/demote myself.

Spend time with your kids. It's a cliché but they grow up too fast.

I’m also worried about regretting whichever decision I make!!

I did 15 years in the Big 4, came back after maternity leave for about 9 months and then quit and did #2. I took a pay cut for a related role in a different sector which has been so good for me. The experience I've gained has more than made up for the pay cut although I'm not sure I have a better work/life balance. I do love my job though and it is very flexible.

Agree that life is too short/ kids grow up fast and that is time you won’t get back. Can you say anymore about your role so we can make suggestions about alternatives? I have a senior role in a PS firm but after returning from my 3rd mat leave last year, my outlook is different and I try not to take work stress home. If money were no object I would resign tomorrow….

Will you stay long term? Any tips on leaving work stress at work? @anicecuppateaa

Is there an option for an in-house role for your profession? I work across a uni and NHS, and both have in house legal and financial teams that get interesting work and decent work life balance. Pension good but pay less.

I left a professional, degree level, middle management role that made me miserable, when DC were middle/late primary. I'm still in a professional role but not one you need many qualifications for. I cried when in the first few days, DC said they love that they see me every day now.

And you think it's just for those childcare and clubs juggling days. It's not. They are now almost adults and despite the teenage sulks and silences, I am very much needed. I'm glad I've been here.

What hours are you currently working? When you say you want to spend more time with the DC, is this during term time or school holidays? You must be working quite close to full time hours if you're not seeing them enough on school days, unless you have a long commute. I'm currently in a similar position to you and wouldn't consider taking a step down, but generally don't get stressed at all about work. Easier said than done I know.

Is there another role in the firm that might suit better? I'm senior manager in a big 4 (also non-client facing) and rarely do above my hours.

I left a big 4 and joined a small niche consultancy with a different work life balance before eventually shifting career due to long held interest. No regrets. Less money than big 4 but still comfortable.

I feel you. I left private practice as a lawyer 4 years ago for the same reasons and tried in house but tbh found that the hours and the demands were the same but the pay was worse and there was practically no admin support so when DC2 was born I left to be a SAHM. By that point I was in quite a low place from a MH perspectives and DH’s career was in a real
growth phase and required a lot of travel so it was the right decision for us. I’m 3y in now and there are days I regret not sticking it out longer in PP but most days I’m content. I do feel enormously privileged to be able to have this time with both DC, do the school runs, playgroups etc and try to “give back” by volunteering but I do miss the financial autonomy and kudos that comes from a proper career. No answers really but just to say that you have to make the decision which is best for your family and your circumstances then try not to live with too many regrets. Good luck!

I actually think the non-client / part time role is the hardest route ( and is a secret trap). Very admin heavy, with little agency over your work. I stayed full time, and client facing, but had to manage a series of wraparound childcare solutions. This gave me the most control my time with family/ work, which I find less stressful than trying to squeeze too much into part time hours.

I am also senior-ish but not a Partner, but also was a mother at relatively junior grades ( IE solo nanny was not affordable).

Go self-employed. Set your own terms and conditions.

I agree that part time is often a trap, especially if you're in a role which requires you to submit timesheets. My boss recently encouraged me to go from an 80% contract to a 100% contract without necessarily changing the hours I work (I still finish early twice a week to pick DS up from school and don't work when he's at home). That was kind of recognition of the fact that my impact/output is the equivalent of an FTE even if the hours I work aren't. That would never be possible if I had to submit daily/weekly timesheets. I often used to argue that the Big 4 (and others) should move away from timesheets if they want to be truly inclusive. And then got sick of middle aged men telling me that there was no way you could change that.

I often used to argue that the Big 4 (and others) should move away from timesheets if they want to be truly inclusive.
How would that work? Their entire business model is based on billing chargeable hours; how can they do that without the basic data (timesheets).
What's your alternative plan.

You have output driven contracts. So a client pays for, eg, you to write them new policies and procedures. That's done for a set fee. It's up to the firm then how they manage that work. Similarly, there are more contingent fee models out there that don't charge based on hours but based on results. I know a few smaller consulting firms and a couple of mid size law firms who have moved away from timesheets completely. It hasn't impacted their profitably at all and has meant they've been able to attract a more diverse workforce who are not having to bill every 6 minutes of their time.

Set up by yourself, or consult. Then charge 1500 a day and you can probably work two days a week and earn the same. I do some fractional FD work and charge £800 a day but you sound higher up than that.

You have output driven contracts ... don't charge based on hours but based on results
How does that work for auditors!?

You don't have to run audits based on chargeable hours. There are other metrics you could use or you just do it for a set fee. We are just all used to the way it's always been done.

I don't think it will ever change at all but I do think the Big 4 and others will continue to struggle to recruit and retain women / carers / ND / anyone who isn't a middle aged white man unless they look very hard at their business processes. But I'm one of the ones who left because I didn't feel a timesheet-driven culture was compatible with either developing the expertise I wanted and working part time so I probably am biased against it!

There is some assurance work you can do on an output basis. Either way OP has said she is not client facing ( and we don't know if she is an auditor ) so an output/outcome basis method of managing her work could be possible

OP I feel exactly the same as you, word for word! Sending commiserations.

4 days a week and kids are in childcare until 5.30/6pm

@Pinkoctopus6 is there any chance you could do four days over 5 ( with really clear out office slots after school, to spend with your children)? Then don't use the extra time for housework use it to spend time doing something fun with the kids, the other challenge with a full day off, is it's easy to get swamped in domestic chores.

I tried your PT model of work for 6 months, physically, financially and emotionally it nearly broke me. Its so relentless, because you can't pace yourself

Was also going to suggest working shorter hours over 5 days, would that be an option? Even if it meant cutting back on the total number of hours worked. This works really well for me. It means I see the DC as much as if I didn't work at all, as I'm always done by the time they finish school.

I’ve thought about working shorter days but the thought of losing out on a whole day off worries me. It is on that free day that I can really de-stress!

Had a good day today which makes me think ‘it’ll be OK’ but if I’m honest with myself I know that really the good days just delay the inevitable need to make a major change.

Wish someone else would take control and make these big decisions for me!