Need help from mumsnetters in professional services

[Pinkoctopus6]

I am in professional services and have been for 15 years. I'm below partnership level I.e. mostly a highly paid skivvy. I’m really good at my job and making steady progress up the slippery pole.

I have DC in primary school and I really just want to spend more time with them and also de-stress my life so I can be more mentally present at home. I already work part-time and non-client facing. I’ve tried really hard to care less so that I have more headspace for my kids but I’m finding it hard.

I’m currently deciding between:

1. quit and become SAHM (will be financially crippling)
2. take a low stress, lower paid role outside professional services
3. stay for the long term upside and put up with short term unhappiness

AIBU to move when I’m good at my job and highly paid?

or AINBU and should quit/demote myself.

@Pinkoctopus6

get a nanny / after school nanny.

Much easier to have the kids in the house when you get home than dashing to get them.

make it part of her job description to cook a family meal each day she works and start your kids on dinner if you are late.

can you go in house? Client work is always stressful.

i find the balance ok but im in a expert role in a big corporate. So im more in control of my workflow / priorities and deadlines that I would be in consultancy or an agency.

a lot of in house legal team are working mums. They seem pretty happy as lawyers go - we work in cases with magic circle firms so it’s still interesting work / cases.

I wouldn’t leave. I LOVE my financial independence and I enjoy my work.

i find it fulfilling and it’s an outlet for my ideas and energies. So it frees me to see the kids for who they are. I can support them without getting over invested.

a high powered stay at home mum can be a bit overbearing!

I think this is a good suggestion in theory but in practice it’s extremely difficult to get an after school nanny. Most nanny’s want full time hours and I don’t live in a part of London which has a huge number of nannys.

Also there’s the fact that I want to spend time with my children, which won’t be solved by this. Although to be fair, the time I do have would be better quality if I had less running around and cooking to do.

Also the cost!! I’m earning a high salary but the cost of a nanny would require massive lifestyle changes. To me, it’s not worth it unless you’re set on making partner and are willing/able to be 100% committed to the job. Several partners I know struggle to justify the cost of a nanny these days.

Which service line do you work in? And do you work 4 dpw or less? Depending on which service line, big four can offer a lot of flexibility I think? There is a huge focus on trying to make it possible for women to succeed and progress through the ranks.

In house!

I'm ex big four and completely understand your position.

In house is like a dream by comparison.

In house you are support, an enabler. Your work isn't what brings the money in. You have far more control over workflow etc.

Oh and except at partner level, pay is basically the same in house except fewer hours and better bonuses!

I left audit practice approximately 8 years ago to be a SAHM, totally fed up with trying part time for many of the reasons previously mentioned.
I've build up a new line of work by marking exams, there's a few different exam boards and although the work is seasonal you can keep ticking over professionally and even end up leading exam teams and writing too if you find you like it.

I’m much older than you and recognise that things may have changed but I stayed in prof practice and made partner. Life was much easier as a partner - I had far more control over my diary and meetings were arranged around my availability whereas pre partner I had to fit round other people’s diaries. The hours were long and the job took up a lot of headspace. I felt I missed out on a lot of my dc life although with the benefit of time I’m not sure I missed anything that mattered. I have a very good and close relationship with my dc now. And there is no denying the financial benefit of becoming partner - I retired at 53 and have been able to help my dc with house purchases as well as fund holidays and experiences for us all. But you need to decide what works for you - your children need a happy mother and that matters more than anything else. So think about what will make you happy now, and as your children get older. Don’t get hung up on any individual point - there will always be a solution to every problem. But life is too short to be unhappy. Good luck!

I work four days across 5 days - I have Monday and Friday afternoons off. This works a lot better than having four days off - I get to pick up my children from school 2 afternoons, and they have time for afterschool activities, and I am reachable for my teams on five days (a lot less stress than trying to finish up everything on Thursdays). Internal role, and as I have been there for a long time I have a lot of flexibility m, which is worth a lot to me as I can attend school things.
i wouldn’t leave, but maybe drop another half day, rearrange your working pattern, etc.

and an internal position

3

I've always worked in part time, fairly low paid roles since I've had children. None of them have been stress free! Very few jobs are.

People further down the rung often get treated less well. You have less autonomy and people often judge you based on your role. Often you take a pay cut for doing fewer hours and cramming more in.

Think carefully. Going part time comes with its own issues.

This thread is making me appreciate the best thing about my current job…. Working with so many intelligent and interesting people.

thank you for the insightful responses.

Are you currently Big4?
I used to be, and left for a better work/life balance to join a top 10 firm and it has been a game changer. I still do work I enjoy but in a far better environment. Something to consider.

Yes

I left a senior manager role in one of the Big 4 for a better paid position outside professional services, with better benefits and infinitely better work-life balance. It's not all or nothing. Unless you become a partner, pay isn't all that amazing. Look around at what's available out there.

What level in Big4 are you? I think SM is the hardest for w/l balance!

How much do you earn and what are your skills in?

You may be surprised by what you can be paid in an in-house role.

Quite a few of my friends left consulting and are now in big companies with far better employee benefits / working structures / completely different expectations.

I think in consulting the 'reward' is often the opportunity to be vey senior and earn hundreds of thousands. The salaries below that are often pretty unexceptional IMO.

Do you mind me asking what you do now @Wakeywake