To be upset that DS has applied to join the army?

[Mumof2NDers]

DS2 is 16 and has applied to join the army! I’m supporting him through the application process and I’m accompanying him to an event at Catterick next week but I’m scared that he won’t get in and be devastated. I’m equally scared that he might get in.
The opportunities for training and travel are amazing and could set him up for life but the state of the world at the moment is a worry.
I tried to delay the process by asking him to go to college for one year (hoping he would change his mind) but he only lasted 8 weeks because it wasn’t really what he wanted.
DM told me to put my big girl pants on and help him to achieve his dream or risk him resenting me forever for trying to stop him.

You’re a good mum to support him even though it’s scary.

Two of my kids considered military for a hot second and I would have been like you, supportive but also hoping it wouldn’t happen!

For DS they wanted him to be a nuclear submariner and they would have paid for his masters degree in engineering. Thankfully he didn’t want to be at the bottom of the ocean!

DD considered the army as they would have paid for medical school but she also decided against it.

(were in the US, so military is always a concern!)

Is he open to joining the RAF? Still military but get the impression it’s a bit ‘safer’? I only say that cos my cousin joined young and the family didn’t seem freaked out about it. He was an engineer. Seemed to really like it and not aware of any super dangerous situations happening. My exes parents were were on the RAF and same as above.

@mponder people don’t respect ANY officers? Sounds like he’s in a very dysfunctional unit! Plenty of respect in the places I worked.

My DS joined last year;he's abit older than your son but still a teen;he's REME;he loves it.

Best advice is to join and learn a transferable trade.

Your son will be fine if he's determined.

I have no personal experiences to offer OP but just wanted to say that from the way you've described him he sounds brilliant. Self-aware, determined and with his mind set on the future.

As @Duckingella says, best way of doing it is by learning a trade. My son had already done his level 3 carpentry when he joined the engineers at 21 and it's what he can use in civvy street if he comes out.

He's now into his 5th year and it's not for the faint hearted! He's been to Iraq, Kenya, Qatar and Cyprus (twice). Iraq was tough for us at home but he was fine.

I would recommend him doing an apprenticeship in a trade before joining though then joining at 18/19. 16 is very young. Good luck to your son. And to you - it's a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for all!

My son passed out as a paratrooper last summer and has already been to Oman and France with North Carolina ( I think) this year.

He has a level 2 in carpentry from college and since joining has chosen to train in signalling .
He travels up from Colchester a couple of weekends a month to where we are in the Midlands and has grown into a wonderful,polite young man. He has found his thing.
Good luck to your son and others choosing this route.

Oh,and Cyprus too,all in 6 months. Great way to save their earnings too.

DS1 is in the army. He joined at 19, after A levels, because I wouldn’t sign the papers at 16. He was going to go to university and join as an officer but he said if he didn’t get in he’d join anyway so didn’t want the debt, so the night before his A levels came out he said he wasn’t going to uni he was joining up. We’re a military family, DH did 35yrs in the RAF, so we knew what to expect.

The army have made DS1 into an incredibly confident, outgoing man. He wouldn’t say boo to a goose before, now he will speak to anyone. He’s met 2 Queens, princes, PMs, and MPs.

He is a brilliant soldier and has flown through the ranks. He’s 29, earns £40k a year, has over £50k saved and owns a £20k car outright. He has been all over the world, both working and doing adventure training. If there’s an opportunity to be had he will volunteer for it.

It’s not easy, I won’t lie. This year he’s going away somewhere not safe. There’s a lot of whispers with DH and “don’t tell Mum’s” going on, because I don’t cope well when he’s not here. And he’s not here a lot. It’s totally different sending your boy away than it is your spouse.

It’s a myth that the RAF treat you better than the army ime. Yes, you might sleep in a hotel instead of a hotel but there’s zero welfare support. You don’t promote as swiftly either.

If he wants to do it, and he gets in, support him OP. It’s a good career and lifestyle for them. They can make a good living and they make friends, well more like brothers, for life.

Bless, he's still young but I joined at 17 and medically retired 25yrs later a couple years ago.

Its definitely not the same Army I served in these days. That said, if he's committed and focused (with a sense of humour) he will do just fine. Trade wise, he's clearly chosen ammo tech for a reason, if reality isn't great, he can retrade, it's no biggy.

Dds boyfriend is doing that exact thing, having joined in Sept at 16.
He is enjoying it and there seems to be good pastoral care and a focus on mental as well as physical health.

There's a reason why the RAF get the piss taken out of them, molly coddled in cotton wool and staying in less than 5* hotels is a deal breaker.

I'm messing, I've alot of RAF mates as I done alot of tri service (all the services working in the same place) posts and it's just banter and technically "safer". However I don't think a 16yr old lad who wants to be an ammo tech wants to be on the safe side.

I was incredibly proud when my child got into the army. They have a great career, traveled to some very interesting places and are now earning more money than I could ever dream of earning.

My grandson was thinking about it, but he has a nut allergy, so wouldn't get in. I heard of another youngster who wanted to join, but as they had gone to the doctor with anxiety when they were about 13, that ruled them out as well.

@Bathtimebarbara op's son is only young, too young to worry about impact on relationships & children. If he does 10 years he'll still only be 26. Settling down with a family can be done after he's got the army out of his system.
And if you pick the right trade in the army there will be more opportunities on civvy street for a better job. Pick something that will give him a trade & qualification to use when he comes out.

That can be appealed.

Do You think he is in a hit of a rush?

I joined at 22 and had a bit of life experience and really enjoyed it

looking at my my own children, I wouldn’t put them off joining but

you need to be physically developed and strong or it will be very tough

have a bit of an academic back ground (I mean post 16 such as some courses from college/sixth form) or it is a hard slog proving yourself…from observation

they need to be very resilient to get through basic training

what is phase 11 training plans?

Our foster son successfully applied to the army at 18. The family supported him wholeheartedly but were so relieved when he decided to leave half way through the training. I'd have hated for him to be deployed.

It’s very natural to feel as you do, but chances are he’ll have a great experience, build a lot of skills and more or less stay out of trouble.

It sounds like the RAF might offer better options from what PP say so that’s worth looking at.

I think it is sensible for you to steer him so he comes out with a trade

It’s what you make it at the end of the day.

DS1’s partner’s dad did 35yrs in the forces too, so she knew what it was like to have a loved one disappear for months on end before she got with him. With technology nowadays they can speak most days. They don’t want children so that’s not a problem

DH did his resettlement during Covid but he didn’t struggle to find a job. He used what was on offer to him, wisely. He used his resettlement adviser as much as necessary, used his learning credits for courses and as a result got a good job. He had to get permission from the station commander to leave slightly early so he didn’t lose the job he had been offered.

There’s a lot on offer for people leaving the services, the problem is people don’t use it.

He is physically fit and strong. He does weight training etc with his dad.
He went to college but didn’t stay long as it wasn’t what he wanted. He only went to please me and I only asked him to go to put him off joining the army for another year. He’s adamant it’s what he wants.

There’s far worse careers.

Decent pay, roof over your head, qualifications, great experiences, great pension, medical care, dentistry, promotional opportunities, and a camaraderie like nowhere else.

I left the military 24 years ago and still have great friends that I know would be there for me any time. I’ve also never not got any job I’ve applied for. The military instils discipline, integrity, loyalty, dependability, self assurance, communication and reliability. Employers generally love that.

Harrogate runs a FBk group for family of each new intake of junior soldiers. So you get little views into what they are up to.

I think 16 is very young to join the army, I'd set the minimum age should be 18.

If one of my kids wanted to join up, I'd be absolutely horrified and do everything I possibly could to stop them. I honestly couldn't think of anything worse. Joining up at 16 should be illegal.