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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you intervene ? Class trip out.

37 replies

Whatisgoingon025 · 07/02/2024 18:52

I am wondering if it’s unreasonable for me to try and change the arrangement of a class group trip.

mums were chatting about getting the kids from class together in the holidays for a day of fun.
Parent A has always been a forward person and is not shy when it comes to conflict. She can over take situations.
parent B has a daughter in the class who hasn’t been able to attend school since October and before then was on and off.
her child has a significant health issue/ illness.
she is due to return to school part time.
anyway a group was set up about the meet up / day out which was less by parent A,
organising it and asking for suggestions of what to do or where to go.
parent B suggested a place that they could go and send it over and it was agreed.
then parent A suggested a date ( it’s in half term ) and myself and only 2 others at this point had agreed that we could do that date the rest have not yet replied.
parent B then said oh I’m sorry but we can’t do that they as it’s “ Chloe’s “ weekly treatment at the hospital.
but could do any other day.
the response to this was basically ah ok well maybe next time she can come ( this isn’t s common thing to happy )
she said again that she was free any other day but parent A has stuck to the date she suggested.

is that fair because tech she is the one who set the group up, has started the planning or would it be reasonable for me to say actually if everyone is free on so and so date then we should move the day ?
the groups very quiet and parent B has not said anything else but I am sure that is out of fear of causing conflict.

OP posts:
Towerofsong · 07/02/2024 18:55

I think I'd just post saying actually something has come up and you'd prefer another day as well. I'm sure others are thinking the same but don't want to say it!

SpeculatingRooks · 07/02/2024 18:55

If it was me I would push for having it on a day Chloe could come. It's just the decent thing to do.

Especially if not many have committed to the other date yet.

LlynTegid · 07/02/2024 18:55

I think given the hospital appointment is weekly, you should suggest another day. I bet parent A would if it were her child receiving medical treatment.

Frozenasarock · 07/02/2024 18:56

Normally I’d let it go given A was organising it, but in the particular circumstances I think I’d have to say something, or set up an alternative. That child has missed out on enough already and I think A is completely unreasonable not to try and accommodate her.

CaineRaine · 07/02/2024 18:56

Towerofsong · 07/02/2024 18:55

I think I'd just post saying actually something has come up and you'd prefer another day as well. I'm sure others are thinking the same but don't want to say it!

Yeah I’d do this and then if Parent A sticks to her guns, meet up with Chloe on a day that suits you both.

Quitelikeit · 07/02/2024 18:59

Selfish to the core.

A new message is required:

For all those who can’t attend on the Monday I am proposing we go on the Wednesday. Let me know who is in

PennySittingPretty · 07/02/2024 19:00

I would be saying ‘well let’s do it a day Chloe can come too then’.
Appalling parent A would be happy to leave her out. Next time I’d set up a group day out with parent A if she doesn’t reconsider.

Tinkerbyebye · 07/02/2024 19:09

I would just say ok let’s find a date Chloe can come and tbh if parent A refused I wouldn’t go and would sort something direct with Chloe’s parents

OolongTeaDrinker · 07/02/2024 19:15

You need to speak up OP, or what’s the point in caring about this?

Saz12 · 07/02/2024 19:18

Yep, the right thing to do is "I'm sure we can find another day, otherwise it'll only be the 4 of us going - Aand set up a poll?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/02/2024 19:19

I think I'd say that since there haven't been many replies or anything booked, let's have a vote, cab everyone say the day that suits them best please on the chat. And then pick x day for yourself

Peasnbeans · 07/02/2024 19:23

Definitely say Let's go on a day Chloe can make it, does that suit others in this group?
If you're first to suggest it, others will probably pipe up.
Be brave!

prescribingmum · 07/02/2024 19:23

PennySittingPretty · 07/02/2024 19:00

I would be saying ‘well let’s do it a day Chloe can come too then’.
Appalling parent A would be happy to leave her out. Next time I’d set up a group day out with parent A if she doesn’t reconsider.

Agree, I would speak out and make a point of saying that Chloe being there is a priority

TinyYellow · 07/02/2024 19:29

There will never be a day that’s good for everyone and it’s not easy organising these things. As Chloe’s mum I’d let it go and get in early next time and ask if we could please avoid planning a meet up for x day.

Original poster
Whatisgoingon025 · 07/02/2024 19:35

@TinyYellow she was the first one.

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 07/02/2024 19:35

I’d just reply…. That’s fine, we can do x day too - does this work for everyone?

ChunkyTofu · 07/02/2024 19:37

It would be appalling to choose that day, when others would suit. How much stuff do you think this child has already missed out on?

xyz111 · 07/02/2024 19:38

I would say "ahh we would love Chloe to come! What date can everyone else do instead?"

Zanatdy · 07/02/2024 19:39

Well I’d be saying let’s do it on another day, this poor kids clearly been thr

RausageSoul · 07/02/2024 19:42

Absolutely advocate for this girl!

TooOldForThisNonsense · 07/02/2024 19:52

It’s a bit shitty. I’d definitely say actually I’d prefer it was arranged a day Chloe could come too. What’s the worst that could happen? Parent A sees her arse? She sounds like a cow anyway if she won’t change it

Ilovelurchers · 07/02/2024 20:00

Definitely say you'd prefer to find another date when Chloe can come - I'm just wondering what has stopped you saying this already (given it is your opinion) and made you check it out on here with us first?

I'm not meaning that nastily - I am suspecting perhaps it's a toxic environment among the class partners/Parent A has form.for bullying, if you are even feeling nervous and uncertain about this?

Definitely stand up for Chloe and her mom. Anyone who falls out with you for doing so is a prick and not worth thinking about.

DNLove · 07/02/2024 20:04

Just say "ah I'd hate for chloe to miss this, she's missed so much already, I'm happy to do X day if everyone else can make that work"
Parent A will look like a horrible person if she objects.

sprigatito · 07/02/2024 20:05

DNLove · 07/02/2024 20:04

Just say "ah I'd hate for chloe to miss this, she's missed so much already, I'm happy to do X day if everyone else can make that work"
Parent A will look like a horrible person if she objects.

Yeah, this is perfect.

Allthroughthenight23 · 07/02/2024 20:06

100% say that it would be much nicer to pick a day that Chloe could go.