To ask what consequences you'd give a 6 year old?

[monoyo]

Just looking for suggestions as consequences for a six year old not doing as they're told.
I'm always wracking my brain for a consequence other than time out.

The natural consequences of the child not doing the thing.

Depends what for?

What sort if things are they doing, or not doing as it were?

Depends on situation.
Eg If you are out somewhere and not doing as told then it may be appropriate to go home.

Agree with natural consequences. For instance if my son is being awkward about stopping playing and getting ready for bed, then we won't have time for one of his bedtime stories, he usually moves pretty quickly then.

If he is moaning about reading his school book I tell him "OK I will just write down in the reading record that you don't want to do it". The thought of explaining that to his teacher bucks him up.

Natural consequences unless it's something dangerous.

He runs off and won't come when I call, he wants to go in the car to school which is close by, so will sit in the road and refuse to walk, I can't carry him so end up taking the car to get him out the road air he'll sit there all day.
I just need ideas for new consequence because nothing seems to bother him anymore.
If I send him to his room he says no, and if I lead him up there he just follows me back down.
Generally he's quite good and I rarely have any problems with him but when he's in the mood to play up he's a stubborn as can be.

I think it's just a power struggle between us but to keep him safe I need him to listen to me.
He's a big 6 and I can't physically restrain him.

If he can't be trusted to walk nicely next to you and come when called, then he needs to hold your hand at all times. If he can't do that, then get a wrist strap. If he doesn't like it, then it's in his power to show he can walk safely without it (give him regular low-stakes chances to do this).

How is he getting in the road? Is it by your house before you set off, or is he stopping in the middle when you cross a road? If it's by your house, holding hands or the wrist strap should avoid him getting in the road. Sitting on the pavement is at least relatively safe. You could wait then wait him out, if you think he'd then get bored relatively quickly or find his teacher being told why he's late an incentive. If you've got or can borrow a big enough buggy, that's an alternative (probably not one most six year olds would be keen on, but he'd be safe and you'd get to school on time, and again, in his power to show he doesn't need it).

If he sits down and refuses to walk to school I would tell him 'ok, I'm just going to call your school and ask to speak to the teacher to tell him/her that you're going to be late and that the reason is you're refusing to walk.'

If he runs off everywhere I would have the rule that wherever you go he has to hold your hand. I used to make my 5 and 6 year old foster kids hold my hands everywhere the first 6 months or so they were with me as I couldn't trust them not to dart off. If you're worried he'll pull his hand out of yours then hold his wrist as that is harder for him to pull away from.

And if he's sitting in the road can you lift him under the arms to drag him to get him into the pavement? I can't carry my 6 year old either but I think I would be able to drag her to safety if necessary.

If my six year old sat in the street refusing to walk I’d go back in the house and tell them when they are ready to walk come and get me! I wouldn’t be making a huge deal out of it and giving out punishments. If you’re child knows it works he’s going to keep doing it, nip it in the bud now and turn it around on them!

I’d go back in the house
Of course you would. You'd leave a 6 year old sitting in the middle of the road. Yeah right, don't be so ridiculous.

Mine got a choice, they held my hand and walked nicely or I held their wrist.
I would sit it out tbh. If he sits on the pavement ignore him (whist still holding his wrist) until he gets bored. Don't make excuses for him when you're late for school.

I wouldn't let him sit in the road either. I'd be dragging him out if I couldn't lift him. You have my sympathies, I wouldn't have been able to lift DS when he was 6 either!

Practice on somewhere he wants to go. Sit down beforehand and explain you'll go e.g. to the park but he has to walk nicely and if he doesn't, turn round and go home, rugby ball carry if necessary. Keep it positive i.e. don't say "don't run off" say "you need to hold my hand all the way there."

At that age natural consequences and reward charts.

Make a reward chart with whatever stickers best reflect him.
Make 5 things he has to do everyday, the first week he can have a small treat at the end of the day, subsequent weeks he gets treats at the end of every other day etc.

Sticker charts may seem babyish but they work quite well even on older children.

As far as running off etc gos I'd be getting a wrist strap or even reins and make him where them until he can be trusted. Or if he needs to run,run with him. Or tell him if he walks nicely to school he can go to the park afterwards etc. Id Make sure we get up possibly a whole hour earlier to get to school ontime until you can crack this.

It's a power struggle, you need to remove the struggle otherwise the teenage years will be a nightmare. If you get stuck in a negativity loop it'll also be difficult to get out of. Be clear with expectations and behaviours ahead of time and the consequences that will follow.

Mine did this in reception and we had a sticker chart with days of the week. If he got a sticker for walking nicely to and from school mon-fri I got him some sweets at the weekend. It worked, especially because at times he went to run off and I could shout "no Saturday sweets then" and it made him stop still in his tracks.

I get that others might not approve of the method but at 4 the most important thing was to keep him safe, especially as he was so fast and I can't really run.

He runs off and won't come when I call, he wants to go in the car to school which is close by, so will sit in the road and refuse to walk, I can't carry him so end up taking the car to get him out the road air he'll sit there all day.

First of all, to state the obvious, don't give him exactly what he wants as a consequence for his behaviour!

In this situation, you tell him that you are going to ring his teacher to explain that he's late because he sat down and wouldn't walk.

If he stays there and won't walk, then you just let him stay there until he is ready to walk, then when he's late for school and you tell the teacher why (i.e. natural consequences).

You absolutely don't ever get in the car. That's what he wants you to do and you are just reinforcing the behaviour.

(Edit - I'm assuming he's sat on the pavement here, not in the actual road.)

I've got a 6 year old ds . He ran off once and I told him I would start using his wrist strap again if he couldn't act like a big boy, he never did it again!
Also he's pretty well behaved but getting sent to bed without a story is enough to keep him on the straight and narrow

I've been looking at reins but the toddler reins will be too small and the wrist one I can see him just ripping it off.

If you aren't having lots of other behaviour issues. I would have a quiet chat with the teacher and school reception and explain the issues you are having, maybe so he can hear. I'm sure they will reiterate to him he shouldn't be late etc.
The next time he does it stay calm and explain you are phoning the school to let them know why you going to be late. Don't get into a battle. When you get there don't make excuses for him. I expect after he's done it a few times and not getting loads of attention for it but getting a natural consequence he will stop it.

To be honest if it was my 6 year old just the threat of my buying some reins to take him to school would be enough.

I think I'd wait for a calm moment and sit him down and say you need to discuss the issue with school runs. Explain to him in a way he understands about walking short distances being better for the planet, your health and your pocket and let him know that you will be walking to school each day. Explain to him how incredibly dangerous it is to sit or mess about in the road and what can happen. Tell him you love him so much and would never want him to be hurt or die so you have to insist this nonsense stops and you both walk to school from now on holding hands. And then let him know that if that doesn't happen you will have no choice but to buy some toddler reins to walk to school instead. Then follow through! If you can only buy a wrist strap or a backpack with reins then that would do.

Reins won’t work, surely? I mean, apart from the fact they aren’t for six year olds, they aren’t designed for dragging children around!

Well I threaten my 6 year old with going to school in the buggy if he messes around or reins. I’ve only had to do it a couple of times. Just uttering I’ll bring the buggy next time does it. I do still have the buggy because of younger siblings and he knows I would do it.

Removal of privilege is usually the next step after time out. So loss of eg TV time, pocket money, earlier bedtime etc.

Or you have some kind of points method eg pasta jar where you put pasta in for good behaviour and take it out for things you don't like, then when it's full they get a prize. The idea is more positive than negative but it will fill more slowly if they aren't behaving well.

But in general I don't think punishment is that great of a (de) motivator, can you think of a positive behaviour to encourage, or try to see his side of the issue?

When/why is he running off? Does he have good road sense in general? (Maybe not if he sits in the road!) Can you just ignore it so it isn't getting a load of attention? Why does he want to take the car, how far is it to walk, is it hurting him, do you need to get his feet measured/check for flat feet? Bag too heavy? Is he cold?

Can you make the walk fun for him. Invent a game. Get a step counter and see how many steps you can do (not if this would induce health anxiety) DS1 and I used to find a conker and see if between us we could kick it all the way home after school. Tell a story where you make up one sentence each and it continues only on the walks.

And yes, reward charts work well for targeting specific behaviours like this.

Make it clear before you leave the house that you won't be driving and any messing around will have consequences. Leave the car keys in the house. If he goes in the road, stand by the side of to watch for cars and remain calm (on the outside at least). Tell him that every second he stays there he is losing something he like such as time playing a sport or on tablet. Theatrically "call" the school to explain that he might be late as he is sitting in the road. Agree with them that it is ridiculous. He is currently getting exactly what he wants with the behaviour, so won't change unless you change your reaction. Good luck!