Page 2 | To ask what consequences you'd give a 6 year old?

monoyo · 2024-02-07T15:47:48+00:00

Just looking for suggestions as consequences for a six year old not doing as they're told. I'm always wracking my brain for a consequence other than time out.

Lavenderbluerose · 07/02/2024 18:18

Autumn1990 · 07/02/2024 18:03

Well I threaten my 6 year old with going to school in the buggy if he messes around or reins. I’ve only had to do it a couple of times. Just uttering I’ll bring the buggy next time does it. I do still have the buggy because of younger siblings and he knows I would do it.

Fine but you’d have to drag them about with reins which is potentially a bit dangerous, surely?

I am not trying to be difficult. I’ve just had to step away from my own child who is point blank refusing to take his jumper off and get in the bath and I suppose it’s the same sort of thing.

Illpickthatup · 07/02/2024 18:23

Start looking at baby buggies and ask him if which colour he prefers and if he would like a matching dummy as well. Ask him what he thinks his friends at school would think of him rocking up in a buggie.

Autumn1990 · 07/02/2024 18:38

Lavenderbluerose · 07/02/2024 18:18

Fine but you’d have to drag them about with reins which is potentially a bit dangerous, surely?

I am not trying to be difficult. I’ve just had to step away from my own child who is point blank refusing to take his jumper off and get in the bath and I suppose it’s the same sort of thing.

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You can step away in the house but if you’ve got a bolter out and about it’s about keeping them safe and not dashing into the road. Mine would sit still and then bolt given a chance, so I’ve had to take a very hard line. It’s also the embarrassment of the thought of their friends seeing them in a buggy of on reins. I can live with dragging him if he’s safe

Escaperoom · 07/02/2024 18:43

DGD (also 6) used to do this sometimes when I was doing pick-ups. Wouldn't walk properly etc, kept stopping and refusing to move, particularly if she wanted to go to the park on the way and I had said no. We then tried using her scooter and she would scoot home happily with no problem. Would this be an option with your DS? If you didn't trust him to stop when necessary you could put a strap on the scooter - I have seen another parent doing this with a younger child - to keep some control.

Original poster

monoyo · 07/02/2024 18:49

Escaperoom · 07/02/2024 18:43

DGD (also 6) used to do this sometimes when I was doing pick-ups. Wouldn't walk properly etc, kept stopping and refusing to move, particularly if she wanted to go to the park on the way and I had said no. We then tried using her scooter and she would scoot home happily with no problem. Would this be an option with your DS? If you didn't trust him to stop when necessary you could put a strap on the scooter - I have seen another parent doing this with a younger child - to keep some control.

Ah yes, that's a really good idea.
He's got a scooter.

OP posts:

Original poster

monoyo · 07/02/2024 18:59

BertieBotts · 07/02/2024 18:11

Removal of privilege is usually the next step after time out. So loss of eg TV time, pocket money, earlier bedtime etc.

Or you have some kind of points method eg pasta jar where you put pasta in for good behaviour and take it out for things you don't like, then when it's full they get a prize. The idea is more positive than negative but it will fill more slowly if they aren't behaving well.

But in general I don't think punishment is that great of a (de) motivator, can you think of a positive behaviour to encourage, or try to see his side of the issue?

When/why is he running off? Does he have good road sense in general? (Maybe not if he sits in the road!) Can you just ignore it so it isn't getting a load of attention? Why does he want to take the car, how far is it to walk, is it hurting him, do you need to get his feet measured/check for flat feet? Bag too heavy? Is he cold?

Can you make the walk fun for him. Invent a game. Get a step counter and see how many steps you can do (not if this would induce health anxiety) DS1 and I used to find a conker and see if between us we could kick it all the way home after school. Tell a story where you make up one sentence each and it continues only on the walks.

There's no physical reason why he won't walk he just prefers to go in the car, it's a 10 minute walk tops and an absolute nightmare to park anywhere near the school.
He manages just fine to walk to football or the park or friends.
He's usually very well behaved, he just has these power struggles and doesn't seem to be bothered by the consequences that used to work anymore, it seems a small price to pay to him to get his own way.

OP posts:

Likemyjealouseel · 07/02/2024 19:38

You will get further by praising every move towards cooperation, however minimal, than by scolding and punishing.
Unfortunately you have taught him that if he behaves badly before school he can get what he wants. So you would need to prepare the ground for a change. I would start over the weekend explaining that you will make a change and from now on the car is not an option (and stick to it). Then if he won’t walk, let him be late for school (if you can, with work commitments
Another natural consequence would be to say that if he won’t walk to school, how can he possibly walk to football or play it? Probably best to cancel football for a child who can’t walk for ten minutes. He may want to prove you wrong.

If you use the petrol for going to school, you can’t use that petrol to go to [place he wants to go] at the weekend.

If you lose time taking him to school, you won’t have time for [thing he wants to happen].

None of these are threats, you don’t need to say them angrily. It’s just that his choices have consequences.