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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Step-parenting

43 replies

ATC0403 · 07/02/2024 13:15

I need to know if I am in the wrong for my reaction. I have a beautiful baby girl who is 7 months old. I also have two amazing stepsons 6 and 11. My oldest stepson lives with us full time seeing his mum once a month and we share custody with the youngest having him every Wednesday night to Sunday morning.

I have a reasonable relationship with their mum. When she picked her youngest up this week she told me I couldn't have anymore children because 4 would be to many and her children would be left out. I adore my stepsons and spend a lot of time with them both as a family and individually. We take them abroad every year, see the youngest every weekend and have a 5 bedroom house so all children have their own bedrooms. We both work, my husband is an engineer and I work part time as a teacher so both children get everything they need. We also pay half for any trips, after school clubs etc for the 6 year old alongside paying maintenance.

When I told her if I have more children it's none of her business. Her response that my life will always be her business as I spend time with her children. Am I being unreasonable for thinking she has overstepped the mark?

OP posts:

Woahtherehoney · 07/02/2024 13:17

It’s absolutely none of her business - especially as you already have one of her children more than she does!

It sounds to me like she’s a bit jealous of the set up you have -‘please don’t let her get to you OP. If you want more children and as long as you feel you can comfortably afford and look after them then you have more children!

PutMyFootIn · 07/02/2024 13:18

Oh don't even get into a discussion with her. What did your partner say when she said that?

Get your partner to do doorstep handovers and be done with her.

ElevenSeven · 07/02/2024 13:18

Nope, she’s batshit.

Gloriosaford · 07/02/2024 13:21

This woman sees you as an unpaid childminder, aka her slave I would just stop engaging with her at all.

Ponoka7 · 07/02/2024 13:22

There must be reasons why you aren't doing 50:50 with her. So whatever is going on with her, this is probably a symptom. You aren't going to gain anything by this thread.

craigth162 · 07/02/2024 13:22

Shes nuts. Tell her your pregnant and hoping for triplets

doilooklikeicare · 07/02/2024 13:22

Just totally ignore her!

CunkEverywhereOnEverything · 07/02/2024 13:22

It’s none of her business and her describing you “spending time with her children so it is her business” is frankly, fucking cheeky. You’re a big part in bringing them up. She only sees one of her children once a month ffs. I’d not be entertaining her opinions on this again.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 07/02/2024 13:23

You can have as many kids as you and your partner want to have and she can fuck off if she thinks otherwise.

she sounds jealous and she needs to understand that she has no influence .

Gloriosaford · 07/02/2024 13:23

The fact that you are needing to ask us if you're unreasonable makes me feel concerned for you op.

Babsexxx · 07/02/2024 13:25

Sorry am I reading this correctly in thinking you have FULL custody of one of HER sons?! LOL kinnnnn helll let’s all laugh together! If anything I’d be telling her not to procreate again?! Surely has she got all her screws? Probably not……

funinthesun19 · 07/02/2024 13:39

Even if your older stepson didn’t live with you full time and both of them were with her the majority of the time, she would still be batshit unreasonable to tell you how many children you are allowed to have.

C00k · 07/02/2024 13:47

Gloriosaford · 07/02/2024 13:23

The fact that you are needing to ask us if you're unreasonable makes me feel concerned for you op.

This. Very strange that you’d need to wonder. As a consequence, your husband needs to manage handovers until the woman can correct her behaviour. She can question your husbands contraception usage all she wants.

JacksonLambsEatIvy · 07/02/2024 13:53

She’s probably feeling like she’s not the most important person at the centre of everything. And has decided that if you have two children the she won’t even have ‘mother of the majority of his children’ going in her favour.

Ignore her. It’s obviously none of her business.

Tinkerbyebye · 07/02/2024 14:08

Don’t get into a discussion and ignore her

if she starts kicking off let your partner deal with her

Mermaidsarereal · 07/02/2024 14:10

What the hell has it got to do with her!

Original poster

ATC0403 · 07/02/2024 15:03

The reason I ask on here is because I was so shell-shocked by what she said to me and was genuinely concerned that I was taking it the wrong way. We usually have a great relationship and it came completely out of the blue. I was also wondering if other people had faced similar issues with parents of step children.

OP posts:

DoILookThrilled · 07/02/2024 15:12

🤣 what a shame it’s not her decision. Ironic as she can’t even cope with 2! How many children someone has is a personal thing and under the circumstances really none of her business. I have heard similar stories on here about ex’s trying to dictate how many child their ex and their new partner has

cstaff · 07/02/2024 15:27

Tell her you are aiming for at least a football team (11) 😂and just laugh in her face.

JustwantacupfT · 07/02/2024 15:30

She sounds like a very silly person. Given the circumstances, she definitely doesn't have the right to say anything. She probably feels a bit powerless and sad when comparing her situation to yours's. Just ignore her OP.

Pickles2023 · 07/02/2024 15:40

She sounds insane...

Trying to see her perspective, if my DH and I divorced, i may feel insecure threatened or insecure by a seemingly great lady..i may secretly hope there is no more children to threaten my low confidence further..but then you generally rationalise and understand you can't control other people and don't have a right over anyones fertility..it would never be uttered or entertained its that out of order 😬

Dinoswearunderpants · 07/02/2024 15:45

What Mother doesn't live with her children full time. This makes my blood boil. You have however many kids you like.

You're picking up the slack for her being an awful Mum. You've done enough.

wineosaurus4 · 07/02/2024 15:52

Why are you paying her maintenance for the youngest? You say you have him Wednesday night - Sunday morning so 4 nights every week, meaning she has him 3? She should be paying you the maintenance!! It seems very odd a mother wouldn't want their child any weekend ever. Not to mention the eldest basically never sees her! She's obviously very insecure and threatened by you. Well done for stepping up when she did not 👏🏼

Whatevs23 · 07/02/2024 15:57

It's absolutely none of her business. Are you thinking of having any more though? You basically have 3 children at this point and it sounds like you are a great mother/stepmother to them, so I couldn't imagine wanting more children in your position.

Beezknees · 07/02/2024 15:59

Dinoswearunderpants · 07/02/2024 15:45

What Mother doesn't live with her children full time. This makes my blood boil. You have however many kids you like.

You're picking up the slack for her being an awful Mum. You've done enough.

Plenty of dads don't. Do you have an issue with that too?

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