To be upset at partner's mother's comments?

[saphirre]

My partner's mother is quite hard to get along with, she has quite a nasty streak but I try and make the effort with her for my partner's sake.

She is a keen sewer and goes weekly to a sewing group.
Quite often I have a lot of clothes and tend to donate her clothes (she asks) that I do not want to contribute for her sewing and sewing class.
Some clothes have never even been worn and have price tags on them.

Last night after my partner dropped a load of clothes of to her she apparently complained to him that the clothes smelt mouldy and were really smelly.
She was slagging me of questioning my hygiene.

I am really upset and offended by this.
If the clothes smelt mouldy then she should of told me instead of embarrassing me like that (as other people were there).

She never even thanks me for the clothes.
And its not like she appreciates anything either, she just expects things.

I have told my partner that I wont be making the effort anymore and to tell her not to ask for clothes anymore as I will just be washing them and donating them to charity.

Am I being unreasonable to feel like this?

Some very strange comments and unsolicited advice on this thread!!

Yeah I wouldn’t donate anything else to her, if she’s that bothered she should have washed them and kept her ungrateful gob shut

Did she not just say it to her son, as he handed the bag over? That seems like a normal thing for a mother to mention to her son, would you have really felt that much better if she had called you to tell you personally?

Well, your partner, her son, was the one who brought over the clothes and was there when she opened them and the mould became apparent, so it's hardly surprising that she spoke to him about it at the time, surely? I can't imagine she thinks that some mould on old clothes is such a 'private' issue she should have concealed it at the time?

Of course you're not unreasonable not to give her clothes again.

The planet is everyone’s business

Plus he’s confirmed they smelled bad, ok he’s been polite or she’s mitigated it, but no one wants smelly clothes. He said he could smell them too.

I'm wondering if she really meant mouldy, or just that slight mustiness you sometimes get when something's been stored and not worn in a while. Rude of her to talk about it behind your back rather than mention it to you, though. I think I'd stop donating clothes if it were me.

Tbh, if I’d had clothes in a cupboard for months/years, I would have washed them first to freshen them up before giving them to someone.

She wasn't wrong and she had a private conversation with her son rather than saying anything negative to you.

I would definitely snell anything I was donating especially if it had been in a wardrobe for some time.

You are overreacting.

Yes it was mustiness and it was only slightly.
She said "the clothes smell awful, I wonder what her own personal hygiene is like".
This was said in front of two other people.

In future I will wash the clothes and donate them to charity.

So they smelt? dont give smelly clothes to charity or anyone else. Why would anyone want smelly clothes?

sounds like you have a shopping habit.

Although, if the partner's mum was actually 'slagging off' the OP's hygiene to her son (rather than having just said 'Yuck, these are smelly' or something), it's somewhat concerning that she thinks that insulting her son's partner to her son is going get a good reception from him.

Wash them and sell them instead of donating to her.

I buy and sell sometimes on vinted but wouldn't be happy if anyone sent me musty clothes. I'd also anticipate negative feedback if I did it

"the clothes smell awful, I wonder what her own personal hygiene is like"

That's rude though^^

Sounds like she was showboating for her friends which is tiresome too

I've got a difficult MIL too. Try not to give her/this too much headspace.

She is showing no positive signs that she appreciates the gifts of clothes and is also behaving rudely, so just stop.

If she asks, just tell her that since she apparently didn't like the smell of the last lot, so you assumed she wouldn't want any more and rehomed the rest elsewhere. End of discussion.

What a load of old shit 😂

Wash them, dry them properly, and stick them on vinted or something.
Extra couple of quid and no drama.

More posters being twats. What is going on?

She was rude AF, OP. Stop making any effort for her. If I were you, I wouldn’t ever bother to put myself out for her.

She's a nasty woman. I would not do her anymore favours unless you benefit too.

It doesn't sound to me like she's questioning your personal hygiene. She likely made the comment when your OH dropped them off because, well they smelt. Your OH agreed. She didn't say you were filthy, or had BO. I'd imagine 'musty' was a better word.
I'm a bit prone to hoarding and sometimes have clothing 'saved' in boxes or a bag somewhere. They've probably not been aired for years. I've books in the loft that are musty. They don't stink though.
You mention you've been doing this regularly for some time and will now start donating elsewhere. You talk as if you expect to always be regularly donating bags of clothes. That's not normal. Could it be that the real issue is your home is more cluttered/dusty than you will admit. You seem over defensive. If this is the problem use this as the catalyst to make changes.

Tell her to sew her mouth up next time.

Apologies, I can see you've now added that she did question your personal hygiene. That's rude. I don't think it's necessarily wrong though to discuss the smell with her own son. I dare say it took her by surprise. I'm baffled tho why your OH felt the need to relay the conversation verbatim

I think the main issue here isn’t your MIL but your DP. Why on earth is he running home to you and telling you how mean she’s been.

Surely the grown up thing to do would have been to draw a boundary with his mother. To say ‘please don’t be unkind’ / ‘this is something to discuss privately’ / ‘sapphire collected these quickly and would be mortified to know they smell damp’ etc.

and then telling you either not to bother donating to his mum again because she was being funny or that he’d noticed a damp smell.

He could be much more supportive of you + your relationship with here.

Ouch.

I was originally in the ‘well, if they were mouldy it’s okay for her to say something’ but that’s just super rude of her!

I think you're being oversensitive, clothes can smell musty if they've been in a cupboard for years. She wasn't slagging you off or questioning your hygiene! If it bothers you that much, just say no when she asks if you've got any clothes next time 🤷‍♀️

Really? You live on a different one?