Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

24 RSVP Request for a party in mid March - Shall I be bothered?

42 replies

namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 10:29

Need some advice please.

I've received a party invite for DC via WhatsApp yesterday evening. It's for one of his best friends. The invite was sent in private to me by that child's mum. It sound like a fun activity and they are older kids so only need drop-off/pick-up by us.

The uncomfortable bit is that she made it clear a confirmation is needed for today by 6pm. I'm utterly baffled -and annoyed-. I've never ever received a party invite requesting people to give 24hrs rsvp given the party is over a month away.

Trying to be fair, I looked up the venue. If it's the party package she's aiming for, it provides for 8 kids and with additional participants to be added per head by request. I think if she's really keen to book quickly, the quota of 8 kids is surely not difficult to meet and does she really need to know if DC can go so urgently otherwise it halts her plan?

On our side, we have a tentative plan to meet some friends one of those weekends. We just proposed the dates to them last Sunday and don't expect to hear back from them today or even this week for their choice of date. I can send a chaser but I'm really reluctant to do. But I would feel bad that if DC is upset because it's a fun activity and it's for his best friend.

I replied that mum last night explaining about the tentative plan with our friends and said I will send a chaser but not very hopeful for a response today. She didn't even reply, only gave a thumb up to the post..🙄 I thought at least she could explain a bit why the need to rush me for an answer within 24hrs.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable? Maybe there could be good reason she expects this?

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 07/02/2024 10:31

Maybe she doesn't want to go ahead with the party if your son can't make it so she's checking your availability first?

helpnohelpno · 07/02/2024 10:33

Maybe her son really wants your child there so she's making sure before she confirms?

My ds has one good friend and I would check their availability before booking

Original poster
namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 10:34

@MuggleMe , no, it doesn't sound like that. I've thought about this possibility, but they were always phrased in a different way and made clear.

OP posts:
echt · 07/02/2024 10:36

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable? Maybe there could be good reason she expects this?

Why don't you ask her?

Original poster
namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 10:37

@helpnohelpno She started the message by saying Xyz would like to invite Abc to his party on [date]. It's laid out in a way that everything is planned.

The main part is the activity and times /location.

At the end of the message, it's "please can you confirm if he can come by 6pm tomorrow as we need to confirm the booking and make payment."

But okay, I understand I shall give it some benefit of doubt and try not to see it in the wrong angle...

OP posts:
StickyGee · 07/02/2024 10:40

She did reply she gave you a thumbs up. Just say yes or no. If you feel bad for your child then thats got zero to do with the 24 hours thing.

Original poster
namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 10:41

Got it. I have to accept that I might be overthinking!

I will just have to honestly tell her that we don't know and will nudge our friends on the other end for a quicker response if it turns out that she's willing to give me an extension for deadline!

OP posts:
3luckystars · 07/02/2024 10:41

she has probably been burnt by people not responding previously and just want to get people to RSVP.

Or because it’s so far away she didn’t want people to forget about the RSVP either.

Your response is perfect, tell her closer to the date if you can make it or not.

I think her request is aimed at the non responders.

ChessieFL · 07/02/2024 10:43

Why not just accept the party invitation and then tell your friends you’re no longer free that weekend? I

SpringSparrow · 07/02/2024 10:45

I’d just send your friends an email saying the party date isn’t available for you to meet up any more and say the other dates are still available ( and that you’d like to confirm which date they want to meet up) , and confirm with the party mum that your son would love to come. Hope your son has a lovely time at the party.

DappledThings · 07/02/2024 10:45

Are you one of those people who think a thumbs up is passive aggressive? If you'd sent me that message I'd probably have replied with a thumbs up emoji too. It would have meant "cool, no worries, just let me know when you can". I.e. entirely accepting the premise of your message with no subtext.

Tatonka · 07/02/2024 10:48

Totally overthinking. Also just do what PP suggested and tell your friends DC has just received a party invite so can it be on one of the other days. No drama, done.

Original poster
namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 10:52

@DappledThings Where did I say I thought a thumb-up is "passive aggressive"? 😂

OP posts:
DappledThings · 07/02/2024 10:55

namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 10:52

@DappledThings Where did I say I thought a thumb-up is "passive aggressive"? 😂

You pointed out you only got a thumbs up rather than a reply so I assumed you were reading something into that. Hence I asked if you considered it PA as some people do and if this was contributing to your reaction. I didn't say you had said that you did!

APurpleSquirrel · 07/02/2024 10:56

ChessieFL · 07/02/2024 10:43

Why not just accept the party invitation and then tell your friends you’re no longer free that weekend? I

This!!!

skippy67 · 07/02/2024 10:58

ChessieFL · 07/02/2024 10:43

Why not just accept the party invitation and then tell your friends you’re no longer free that weekend? I

This.

Original poster
namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 11:00

@DappledThings I just hoped she would reply extend some understanding that it's not always easy for a RSVP within 24 hours!

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 07/02/2024 11:02

YABU! What difference does it make why, and she doesn't owe you an explanation.
While it's a bit off expecting an answer within 24 hours but why not just message your friends you can't make that weekend? Seems like that is a more movable date, the party date is set.

DappledThings · 07/02/2024 11:02

namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 11:00

@DappledThings I just hoped she would reply extend some understanding that it's not always easy for a RSVP within 24 hours!

She did. That's what the thumbs up meant! You asked for extra time, she cheerfully agreed. Job done.

Original poster
namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 11:02

We didn't manage to see those friends for nearly a year due to several cancellations of a catch-up for various reasons. Just trying to avoid introducing more movements into the formula!

But oh well, if that's the "normal way of thinking", I shall just go along..

OP posts:
Talii · 07/02/2024 11:02

namechanging5 · 07/02/2024 11:00

@DappledThings I just hoped she would reply extend some understanding that it's not always easy for a RSVP within 24 hours!

You are massively overthinking and making this into a bigger deal for yourself.
Unless you have something booked with friends that very weekend, accept the party and reschedule the friends.

StartingAgain2024 · 07/02/2024 11:03

I'm probably the opposite in that I can always reply within 24 hours to a party invitation - I read the invitation, check the date in my calendar and accept if we're free or decline if we're not.

I agree with the PP. Accept the invitation and let your friends know you're no longer available on that date.

CreateHope · 07/02/2024 11:05

Just tell your friends they’ve missed out on that date now - job done! You are massively overthinking 🤷‍♀️

Lilacshade · 07/02/2024 11:05

It's because people don't reply to invites or stick to plans or like to wait and see if a better offer comes along. She wants people to commit and to know that she is paying out for tickets and hopes that makes people more likely to turn up.

JarvisRocker · 07/02/2024 11:07

She’s been very clear with why she wants a quick response when she said,

“please can you confirm if he can come by 6pm tomorrow as we need to confirm the booking and make payment.”

I’m not sure why you are baffled or annoyed by this. You can now accept the invitation or not.