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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay?

61 replies

BlackBean2023 · 06/02/2024 20:07

Child is finishing exams late June this year. There are other children in the family so can't go on holiday outside of term time.

Grandparent has booked a holiday with DC (16) for a week at beginning of July. Their suggestion, their choice of destination, their choice of dates.

Who foots the bill for DC?

OP posts:
Mumaway · 06/02/2024 20:40

Them

Viewfrommyhouse · 06/02/2024 20:41

I'm taking my 16yo niece on holiday this year - my suggestion, my choice of destination, my choice of dates. Of course I'm paying for her Confused

EmmaGrundyForPM · 06/02/2024 20:46

grandparents

Unless there's a back story

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/02/2024 20:50

Viewfrommyhouse · 06/02/2024 20:41

I'm taking my 16yo niece on holiday this year - my suggestion, my choice of destination, my choice of dates. Of course I'm paying for her Confused

You’d be surprised how many people wouldn’t see it as obvious as you do.

The parents of my DS’s friend offered to take him on holiday with them. Discussed it with the then 8 year old DS before messaging me about it. Expected us to pay over £1k for him to go with them. Left us as the bad guys with the two boys for saying no.

Viewfrommyhouse · 06/02/2024 20:53

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/02/2024 20:50

You’d be surprised how many people wouldn’t see it as obvious as you do.

The parents of my DS’s friend offered to take him on holiday with them. Discussed it with the then 8 year old DS before messaging me about it. Expected us to pay over £1k for him to go with them. Left us as the bad guys with the two boys for saying no.

Show quote history

That's bonkers!

Hiddenvoice · 06/02/2024 20:56

It would need to be a discussion really. If the grandparent had booked it before discussing with the parents then that’s unfair and they should be paying for it. I’d probably pay towards the holiday and give dc some spending money if they don’t have a job or savings etc

Wolfpa · 06/02/2024 20:57

What was the initial discussion?

Londonrach1 · 06/02/2024 20:59

Who booked the holiday...was there any discussion before re who pays..

SD1978 · 06/02/2024 21:01

I'd assume that was all part of the initial conversation, 'we'd like to take DGC on holiday' ok that's fine but we can't afford it, 'ok we will pay' or ' ok then we can't do it'

jelly79 · 06/02/2024 21:02

Depends on how it was discussed

'We will take DC away for a break when they have finished exams..' grandparent pays

'Can DC come away with you after his exams he could really do with a break and we aren't going away.' Parents pay

littlefireseverywhere · 06/02/2024 22:10

I would say grandparents, but you cover, perhaps their food bills or or offer a portion towards their accommodation. Also give them a good amount of spending money.

Original poster
BlackBean2023 · 06/02/2024 22:27

Wanted unbiased views but full story is that my DM has been talking about taking DC on holiday for a few years. When she found out that DC finishes early this year she suggested the holiday and has arranged it, half liaising with DD (who is nonchalant about the whole thing tbh).

It's now been booked (to go on a day that I'm at work but will now need to get DC to airport as we live in a different direction to my DM) and DM has asked me for £800 towards it (no spending money- DD is about to do GCSEs so doesn't have a job so that will be me too...). I'm finishing the whole thing a bit bizarre. If she'd have told me I was paying I'd have set a £500 budget.

OP posts:
MixedCouple · 06/02/2024 22:30

Oh wow. That is rude. Cancel.
If she arrannged it, suggested it then she pays. If you had told her about it and asked them your pay.
Omg no I would be cancelling it.

MiaGee · 06/02/2024 22:31

I think if she's arranged it she pays. But if my DM arranged it I'd still offer to pay as its my child.

Teaandtoast12 · 06/02/2024 22:34

Definitely her! As it seems this was all arranged without your input so I don’t think she can then put that on you.

Spirallingdownwards · 06/02/2024 22:39

reply

Sorry Mum no can do. I hadn't appreciated you expected me to pay and thought you were treating her. Can you amend the name of the tickets and get one of your friends to go instead? If we had realised you weren't treating her as you have mentioned taking her way a number of times we would have been able to explain its not something that our family finances allow.

pootlin · 06/02/2024 22:42

BlackBean2023 · 06/02/2024 22:27

Wanted unbiased views but full story is that my DM has been talking about taking DC on holiday for a few years. When she found out that DC finishes early this year she suggested the holiday and has arranged it, half liaising with DD (who is nonchalant about the whole thing tbh).

It's now been booked (to go on a day that I'm at work but will now need to get DC to airport as we live in a different direction to my DM) and DM has asked me for £800 towards it (no spending money- DD is about to do GCSEs so doesn't have a job so that will be me too...). I'm finishing the whole thing a bit bizarre. If she'd have told me I was paying I'd have set a £500 budget.

Sounds like she is using your dd for company.

No fucking way would I fund that!

Tell her to get to fuck! Save your money for a family holiday, WITHOUT your grasping mum.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 06/02/2024 22:45

Yup, she’s using your DD as company.

£800 on a holiday that someone isn’t that bothered about is ridiculous. Tell your DM you’re not paying that, it’ll be wasted money, DD doesn’t really want to go anyway, and to cancel.

There’s nothing complicated about the situation, other than what will ensue from your DM when you tell her the above. If it were anyone but your DM, you wouldn’t be asking.

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/02/2024 23:06

No way, the person who thought of the holiday is the person who should be paying for it. Otherwise we could all decide to go on holiday and expect someone else to pay for it

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/02/2024 23:23

Of course your DM should pay for her in these circumstances. She wanted to do it, she booked and planned it, she sounds like the person who will mostly benefit from it.

Also sounds like she said “I’ll take her” not “would she like to come along with me?”.

BobbyBiscuits · 06/02/2024 23:28

I really don't know but if you can't afford it you need to speak to them as if that's a deal-breaker he obviously can't go.

Merryoldgoat · 06/02/2024 23:34

My PIL take my son away every year and they pay - we send spending money.

Kisskiss · 06/02/2024 23:38

It’s very weird she’s asked for money- does the 800 cover only the flights? Or is it the flights/hotels/food… when my friend’s parents took me on holidays with them we used to just pay for flights or ferry or train to get there and everything else would be covered … she’s the grandmother! Ot sounds weirdly calculative

BreakingAndBroke · 06/02/2024 23:40

£800 is an insane amount to spend on a holiday when you haven't cleared it with the person who you think is paying! If DM thought you were paying, surely she should've asked for your budget. Is the £800 for you're DC only or for DC and DM?
If your budget is £500, then say you will give DM £500. You can't magic up money for a holiday that you've had no choice in arranging.

PhoenixStarbeamer · 07/02/2024 00:13

Your DM is taking the piss out of you.