AIBU to be upset at his comments ?

[lighthouse0854]

I’m around 8 weeks postpartum and have only lost 5kg. I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy, just over 15kg. Pre baby I had lost a lot of weight and was very active, worked out 4/5 days a week, ate healthily and managed to get to 60kg. Prior to this weight loss I was morbidly obese - lost over 25kg. I’m exclusively breastfeeding but I haven’t had the mental capacity to even think about exercising and dieting. I’ve not been very active due to recovering from a C Section and lots of illnesses/hospitalisations since baby was born - positive Flu A ,chest infections etc.

Now to the AIBU - I went to have my routine postpartum check. I was weighed and the doctor said, “so you haven’t lost the baby weight then” and suggested to try and exercise to lose the weight and that it would help with my postpartum depression. I was slightly upset by this comment but I’m aware I really do need to make more of a conscious effort to get out of the house, move more and eat better. I’ve been comfort eating. I told my DH what the doctor has said.

A few days later DH was giving me a hug and said, “you’re soft and squishy” and “more cushion for the pushing”, then proceeded to wobble my stomach and hips. I told him thanks a lot for that and I had had a little cry during my night feed about it.

I know I really should have lost more weight by now and it makes me feel disgusting. I feel an immense pressure to “bounce back”. Although DH’s comments are not nasty they are hurtful. He is fully aware I have had a very rough time. Am I just being overly sensitive ? AIBU to be upset at his comments ?

Why do you feel immense pressure to bounce back? You've had major abdominal surgery (I think it's seven layers they cut through?) followed by hospital visits and flu and the like? You need to give yourself a break. Pregnancy weight can take time to shift, especially as you haven't been as mobile due to your C-section.

Although I agree your DH's comments weren't nasty, he was certainly lacking tact. Seems as though he likes your body though!

Do you have ppd? And your dr was suggesting weight loss would help?

wow, i'd be more pissed at my DP if he treated me like that! Especially given he should no you well enough to know it would make you sad.

My youngest is 15 months, still not lost all the baby weight. Not a priority for me. Plus I've only just finished breast feeding.

I found the weight will fall you when you BF to be a load of rubbish. And at 8 weeks - you are just adjusting and recovering from your section and sounds like you have had a hard time of illnesses. Sure there is a saying about it took 9 months to grow the baby and equally long for your body to recover. I don't think you should have lost the weight so no need to feel bad about that. Can you chat to your DH and remind him you feel sensitive about your body and not to make that kind of comment. And if you are feeling like you might be depressed maybe try going back to see a different doctor or chat to your health visitor

Ah fuck em OP. You have just been through a huge life change and operation, you can take your time about deciding how you would like to take care of yourself during that. Bouncing back is a misogynistic take on postpartum.

I think you have the same GP as me, @lighthouse0854 - he is convinced that the only reason I am clinically depressed is my weight, and I've had a consultation with him, when I was severely depressed where my weight was the ONLY thing he'd discuss - until I was in tears and about to leave (and get in my car - so safe when distressed).

@afkonholidaynearleek is right - you shouldn't feel under any pressure (from yourself, your dh or your doctor) to lose weight now - you are recovering from major abdominal surgery and feeding a baby at the same time - you have enough to cope with!!

I had PPD after each of my dc was born, and I went to a seminar by a doctor who believed that low blood sugar could make PPD worse. Her theory was that we have receptors in our blood stream that utilise the progesterone in our blood stream - lack of progesterone is thought to cause/contribute to PPD. These receptors double up as extra blood sugar receptors, so when our blood sugar drops, they switch from being progesterone receptors to being blood sugar receptors, and can take 24 hours to switch back to being progesterone receptors, causing low hormone levels which can make PPD worse.

She suggested eating carbs, to keep your blood sugar up - something within an hour of getting up, four hourly during the day, and no more than an hour before you go to bed - not huge amounts - a couple of oatcakes or rice cakes as snacks, and sensible amounts of carbs with your meals, as this will keep your blood sugar at a stable level.

I only say this because it gives you something positive you can do, to help the PPD - but doesn't involve any medication - and if it does no good, it will do no harm.

It didn't help me, but I was later diagnosed with clinical depression, as I said - and my psychiatrist thinks my history of that goes back to my teenage years, so what I thought was PPD was at least in part, clinical depression.

It's always good to get out of the house, move more and eat better but honestly losing 5kg post partum in just 8 weeks is fine. That means you are 1/3 of the way to the weight you were pre pregnancy and it's only been 8 weeks. Go easy on yourself. You are doing fine. Also massive well done on losing so much weight before you got pregnant.

The first 3 months are brutal and at thst time I stuffed myself with chocolates and everything else under the sun just to stay awake. I dropped a few kilos during labour (ie the baby, fluid, placenta, etc) but after that I only put on weight and I don't think that's uncommon either.

If your husband wants to be helpful he should provide you with healthy food and take the baby more so that you get some time to look after yourself. Tell him that would he more helpful than his stupid comments.

Nine months on, nine months off.

Be kind to yourself, and tell your insensitive h to bugger off.

Your body has just grown and nurtured a baby, and now you're keeping your baby alive. You're amazing!

Yes I do have PPD. I’m waiting for my first appointment for treatment with a parent and baby unit. I think the GP said it in reference to being overweight and not losing the baby weight rather than addressing the PPD. I do struggle with body image issues as well. I was just upset my DH knew the GPs comments had sneeped me but then made these silly comments about my post baby body anyway . I’d like to think he just didn’t put two and two together.

@hellsBells246
Thank you!! I don’t think he engaged his brain. I’m still in my maternity jeans which I’m a bit embarrassed about. I think I need to be less critical of myself.

You certainly don’t need to have lost any amount of weight by now or any other time. To be honest, I don’t think i’ve lost any baby weight from my first daughter (who’s 2) never mind my 5 month old!

You just grew and birthed a whole child! Be a little more gentle on yourself.

I'd be making a complaint against the GP for that comment- what a dickhead. Male GPs shouldn't be involved in pregnancy/childbirth if they can't be arsed to educate themselves a bit 😡

What’s rhe gp done wrong? He said she’s not managed to loose the baby weight and should try exercise to help with her depression, I am not seeing rhe issue?

your partner op however, what a dick.

She's 8 weeks postpartum after a c-section. She's lost 5kg which is more than the weight of the baby - why should she gavd lost anymore at this stage? What weight losing exercise should she be doing 8 weeks after a c-section?

The GP should NOT have said that at eight weeks PP! And certainly not in that manner. 8 weeks is still survival territory for lots of people, that was absolutely unacceptable and inappropriate.

Tell your OH that all comments about your body are unwelcome until he can figure out how not to be a wanker about it.

Don't be embarrassed!

I'm glad you're going to see about your PPD. See a different GP if you can...

And talk to your h. He should be doing all he can to help you, and parent his dc, not make you feel shitty. If he's a good man, he'll understand and will be sorry.

💐

Your DH is an absolute idiot

@99victoria @Lassiata It was a female GP who I saw, I thought she might have been slightly more understanding regarding the weight. Before I got on the scale I did tell her that I wasn’t looking forward to this part of the appointment and that I didn’t want to know how much I weighed and I looked away from the scale. Then she proceeded to tell me anyway and then made the comment.

My god it makes me rage how women shamed and pressured over this shite. OP, your body made and birthed a whole human being, it’s an incredible thing, and since then your focus has been on your recovery and tending to your baby - these are the things the human race depend on for survival, yet some misogynistic dickheads think the most important thing a woman can do, is maximise her fuckability by being thin and pretty. It’s perverse frankly.

Please take a step back, look at the incredible thing your body has done and be a bit kinder to yourself. There’s no race to lose your baby weight, no prize for doing it fastest.

Tell them both to fuck off.

Joking... sort of.

Blimey, please don't worry about your weight at all while you're only 2 months in to breastfeeding.

You only had a baby 2 months ago and have had a lot to deal with in that time. Your weight is hardly going to be at the top of the list of priorities (nor should it be).

Fie on your GP and husband for being pretty insensitive.

Just relax, enjoy your baby and leave the weight worries aside for a bit... x

Agreed. I’d have asked my GP what the hell she was on about if she’d said this to me after my section!

OP, you’re doing great. If you can, get out and about more for some fresh air and well being.

Worry about the weight later. Your DH was being thoughtless- but it does sound like he’s not worried about your weight.

Omg these men who like to comment on women’s bodies!!! Fuck off!!! You’ve done something amazing with your body, who cares if you carry a bit more weight. You are beautiful and wonderful. Start thinking that way and telling people who comment on your body to F off!!!

Your GP was out of order.

But did you tell your DP how his comments made you feel? You should at least not get comments at home that make you feel shit.

I'm obese, was much fatter and lost 4 stone. Now 12 weeks pregnant and no idea of my weight but I've gone up a size in pants and up 2 bra sizes already. My DH has a habit of making "little comments" that he thinks are helpful like "do you need to eat that" so I know how hurtful they can be. I'm only saying all this so you know I understand the feelings associated with being bigger, being smaller, and then being bigger than you want to be because of pregnancy.

Please give yourself a break.You should not be dieting now. It is totally normal you should be wearing pregnancy jeans and you should probably be wearing them for another 6 months.

You won't heal from the major surgery you had if you are dieting. Dieting puts your body under stress, and you will make yourself more unwell if you restrict your food. You need to feed and nourish yourself right now, to help you heal from surgery and nasty infections, and you need to produce food for another human being to live on. Every meal should have protein and carbs. It's ok if you snack on chocolate biscuits to keep your blood sugar up. You will be crazy tired with a newborn.

You've done a great job. The fact you've lost weight in the past is a great sign you can do it again. But now is not the time.

It’s a combination of them being insensitive and you being far too hard on yourself