To think I'm unemployable now?

[sueey]

80s kid grew up with something wrong with me but it wasn't picked up or it was just seen as not very bright.
Was on a reduced timetable at school because I couldn't learn anything and left school with no GCSE's.
Tried many times to do my GCSE's since and failed every time.
Tried various courses and failed them all.
I have never been able to keep a job and although I was offered jobs, I was never able to learn the job so was always let go within a week or two.

I can't drive because I get lost all the time unless I'm in my local area and somewhere I've been millions of times, I can't find my way, get confused with directions and couldn't work out how to get a bus for example on my own so unless I'm with my mum or husband who drive I just don't go out.
I've never had a friend, I'm introvert, socially awkward and full of anxiety, I just struggle with everything, can't follow instructions or even a conversation.
I am married, my husband supports me financially and so do my parents, we'd be better off if I worked but dh says the pressure of the job centre was making me ill so he supports us.
I have been unemployed since I left school so dh supported me since we got married, I'm 41 now.

I feel scared because one day my parents won't be here anymore they're nearly 80 and all I'll have is my husband and if he wasn't there I'd struggle, I couldn't work out bills and things, we do have social housing but it's a joint tenancy so if we split up I'd probably be homeless, unless he moved out which I don't think he would.
He's a nice man so I don't think we'd split but I do worry about being so dependent on him.

I know I need to get a job and a pension but I never keep jobs, I worked in a restaurant and couldn't learn the till so after a few weeks of showing me they let me go, I worked in an office but I couldn't learn the computer system so was let go, I worked in a factory but couldn't pick it up so they let me go, my parents say I'm just not employable.
Is there any hope, would anyone give me a chance and the patience I need?
I think I have a maths problem because that's just a different language to me, no matter how hard I try I can't make head or tail of anything mathematical, I also struggle with comprehending and remembering things, sometimes when I'm shown things I just can't absorb it, it's instantly gone and if someone tells me their name I say it over and over in my head for a few minutes but as soon as someone speaks, it's gone and as I don't recognise faces either I have no ideas who I was just talking to.
I have dc, I love being a mum, my everyday struggles don't seem to affect my parenting, I'm not great with housework but I get by and dh helps out. I'm lucky to have him, I know but I don't know where to go from here.

I called the surgery and had a phone call appointment briefly where I explained I thought I had ADHD and he said it sounds like a possibility and referred me, I followed up about 8 months ago and I'm 3 years into a list which was seeing people referred 5 years ago.

I would ring again and say you will take a cancellation. You can do it!

Do you get Pip?

I have no real advice sorry, however I really wanted to say your posts are clear, concise and very well written which is not often the case in MM and modern life in general. It might not feel like much but truthfully it’s very impressive.

It is a competitive world in some ways, but as you’ve realised it’s no good masking at interview only for the issues to become evident further down the line. An employer can only work with what they know, if at interview you present as a typical candidate and then in practice you don’t perform as one, then you are always going to be reprimanded and ultimately let go.

It’s about applying yourself and presenting things in a particular way, but also just about playing to your strengths. If you turn up to an interview and just list the things you struggle with, then yeah you probably aren’t going to be invited back. But if you can attend an interview and be clear about your strengths, weaknesses, any diagnosis, and what support/adjustments you will require, then you’re on good ground.

No just child benefit, my husband works but obviously that's a massive responsibility and I'm lucky he's so caring but I need to change this situation for myself and my family.

It does sound very difficult. I think in terms of pension you need to make sure you’re getting credits towards your state pension. You can often get these by claiming certain benefits. Have you checked your NI contributions online? Could you and your partner make that a priority so you at least qualify for a full state pension when the time comes?

@SittingOnTheChair sorry I meant massive responsibility to support us all.

You can get Pip no matter what you or your DP earn. I work full time and get it.

What about a cleaning job?

It wouldn't stop you from working!

I really hadn't considered anything like that, I don't know what I'd get it for really.

You really need to apply for pip. It's separate from your earnings and it is done on need.

Hi @sueey

Well done for writing this post and lots of very helpful suggestions.

When I was a teenager I was told that I would never pass a maths test, the teacher was laughing as he said that.

When I had my last child at 40, I decided to enrol at night class to do Maths GCSE. It took a year and a lot of effort, especially as my youngest was exclusively breast fed. I successfully passed the exam with a B. A very proud moment for me.

Exams are coming up and nearly every school needs exam invigilators. You could start with a couple of days a week in the main hall. It's not at all challenging for a beginner as someone more experienced takes the lead. Just a suggestion.

I wish you all the very best x

Focus on the good stuff:

1. you're clearly very literate, as your posts are very well written. If only some of my GCSE pupils could write like that!

2. You may feel socially awkward, but on a one to one level, you seem to be great with people - you found a lovely husband, you're a great mum, and you do really well in interviews.

So already you have two amazing skills going for you. You just need to find the right job that means you could use those skills without having to do the maths side.

What about working in a school? Are you good with teenagers? You have experience of struggling with a system so might be able to help others that also struggle.

Go to the GP and show them a printout of your post, OP.
Like others have said, you could be excellent at a nursery.

@sueey your literacy level kind of leans against an intellectual disability, but your daily living skills are clearly impaired. I would be inclined to ask your GP for an intellectual disability assessment - services for this are generally better established than ASD or ADHD because everyone with an ID is likely to require support of some kind, while not everyone with ASD or ADHD does.

You should apply for PIP.

If you aren't employable you still have a right to a decent standard of living.

Are there any charity/enterprises in your area that place adults with learning difficulties into work?

In my home town I know there are ones where they make fence panels.

Might be worth having a chat if any exist in your area.
You're clearly capable of something, you communicate so well here. You're not a lost cause, but you have been let down.

As others have said it may be worth applying for PIP. You might not get a lot but it's better than nothing.
I have problems processing information (minor brain injury), and what I have found that helps in my job is I write everything down and revisit that every time I start my shift. I have been in this job since October and last week was the first time I went in and did my job without reading the instructions I'd written down first. I work with a lovely bunch of supportive people (the majority of which are men), and I found that being open and honest with them helped. I still get the odd comment aimed my way every now and then, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
Keep going OP things will get better.

https://www.gov.uk/pip

There is a recognized condition—though I can’t remember its name right now—that many people have where your mind doesn’t store the markers for territory as you move through space. It is akin to face blindness. Its a real, physical, condition. I heard a marvelous science podcast on it about five years ago. Don’t stop until you get a diagnosis: dyspraxia, dyslexia, AS. You are not stupid! You have value in this world! You have been let down by rigid authority, absurdly strict GCSE rules, and indifference to your situation by family and medical professionals. Fight for yourself!

Hello op.
Also- is this partly a self fulfilling prophecy?
Your parents and husband say you're unemployable so you believe you are? I call bullshit.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, YOU CAN DO IT.
If you can be a mum, then you can learn stuff. You learnt how to change a nappy right? And all the basic needs of your children? You have problem solving skills, when your children were small, you found the answer to their crying by trying lots of different things until one worked! You can keep a house in relative order? And you also wrote an eloquent post on MN without support? And you can read? Perfect! Domestics in hotels for example or home care staff can barely read or write English at times... also there are charities who work very closely with those who cannot find employment.... shaw trust I think is one bug Google will help you! X

You need a diagnosis. I would condense the OP and take it to your GP. Take a family member with you to advocate for help. Be clear that you’re worried for your future safety and mental health.

I'd say it's more than ADHD, there are often a combination of things but you really need answers and GP is the place to start. At the very least that will get the ball rolling for you in terms of Disability Living Allowance. If you can't go out on your own you'd likely qualify for the higher rate. It's awful that you've not had the support to get to the bottom of this op. It's not your fault, you've been failed. But onwards and upwards, benefits will help you financially until you can access training and appropriate support. All the best.

lovinglaighingliving the OP has shared significant issues which have had severely impacted her life. You have no idea what your talking about - to suggest these are caused by a lack of self belief - WTF? I'm all for motivation but your post is pure ignorance of the very real struggles of those with invisible disabilities. What your doing is blaming the disabled for their own predicament. Please think and learn before you post.