Children on Ipads in restaurants

[Somersetlady]

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner.

Buffet to fine dining.

From todlers upwards.

No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons.

i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

Both can be a problem? I don't really get your point.

Opinions are like areholes; we all have one.*

And much like arseholes, some are much shittier than others.

wow this thread has blown up! The conversation seems to have gone far wider than do many people let their children have a meal out from start to finish on a device. And thanks to those of you who pointed out it might be just a holiday thing for you.

So for those of you asking how could i possibly know what it’s like to have an ND child I don’t but I do know what its like to be ND i have aspergers and ADHD. Diagnosed as a child aged almost 8.
i have lived it for 45 years. I was steered into education/piano and my passion of horses rather than screens.

As someone who struggles with understanding social norms i was asking the question to try and understand what is now (perhaps?) socially acceptable. I am aware that it’s is rude as an adult for me to do this (no matter how tedious i find the occasion) and have developed an alternative probably similar avoidance in that I can be having a conversation but most of my brain and energy is elsewhere but it’s not as obvious as staring at a screen as i can do both at the same time.

to those of you that PM’d me as you know thanks for the support. I deliberately didn’t mention this earlier as the small percentage of us that are ND aren’t all on conference at this particular resort! i just wanted to safely ask the question……. Thanks to those who replied with courtesy.

I also think it’s preferable to treat everybody with respect and don’t like to pull the I’m different card - it’s hard enough being “different” as it is without bringing it into every conversation.

For those of you that have capable ND children id like you to be aware that learning how to mask and socially interact have helped me to adjust in The real world.
There was less understanding around needs when I was growing up which was very challenging and led to many melt downs (very strict household) but for me real life skills that help you fit in are a big help when you go out into the real world. I actually was sitting there initially wondering what the future looks like for all these kids who ignore the staff and are so engrossed.
To those very odd people who seem you think you need to stare a toddler sitting at the table next to your for the duration of a meal to notice they are none stop on a tablet watching cartoons i can assure you that you don’t it’s perfectly possible to catch this on the periphery - at least for my brain.

I know it’s rude to ignore waiting staff. Strim, fidget, get up and down etc because i was taught this as a child.

Also with a lot of help as an adult I have realised how toxic screens and phones are for me and am very grateful they were not an option when i was young. Now I find them a way to duck out of society mindlessly scroll and add to my ADHD paralysis and procrastination issues🤷‍♀️ There is a great ap a psychologist told me about called one sec that makes you breath and wait then asks you if you are sure you want to open SM aps if anyone struggles with same.
Eating orders are often common with aspergers i have experienced first hand and for those of you evidently not aware being on a screen whilst eating is not good for you at all adult or child as the brain isn’t engaged with the food your eating/chewing/digesting.

Sorry for the long post I have tried to address as many replies as i could!

I’d rather be listening to snatches of Peppa Pig or Bluey than the intimate details of someone else’s divorce/sex life which can sometimes be at the same audible level which you can’t avoid!

I agree that if a child can wear headphones in restaurants for their device they should, but if they’re ND it could be a sensory issue and they can’t wear them. The volume should obv be at a respectably low level, but how is it different to ppl speaking obnoxiously loudly to one another nearby? Why is that noise more acceptable?

I saw families doing the same where we stayed last summer, watching the ipad all through breakfast. We've always eaten out with ours a lot ever since they were tiny, we always went out armed with books, and colouring books and pencil cases to keep them entertained, but there were always odd occasions where we the parents were still eating and the kids were finished and getting noisier and so the phone came out, because you can't be disturbing other people who spending their hard earned cash to eat out. They are Yr 4 and Yr 7 now, so much older, and the older one may occasionally glance at her phone, but generally we have no devices at meal time. However she also has some social anxiety around eating out, so takes a book and reads during the meal, which admittedly will look odd to everyone else, but we find this manages her stress levels well, she eats more and she's not asking me to accompany her to the bathroom mulitple times. You never know what's going on behind the scenes with kids.

People judge kids in public and their parents so harshly nowadays. It's not what I do, but I can see why parents just can't be arsed with it and just let their kids have screens in the restaurant. Of course then they get judged for that 🤷‍♀️

If mine were a bit younger, I could see this being us. They would never be allowed when we went out for a meal at home, but my middle one has ADHD and we have to put a lot of effort into keeping him ‘socially acceptable’ at a meal out. Night after night, on holiday, we’re exhausted by this and any novelty of eating out has definitely worn off. He’s having to do the meal out thing three times a day. So yeah, it’s hard even now he’s older and if he was younger we might change the rules on holidays.

And I’ll add, we’ve been going on slides with him all day, playing cards etc, going out on mini trips etc. so at meals it’s nice for everyone to have some down time.

Eating orders are often common with aspergers i have experienced first hand and for those of you evidently not aware being on a screen whilst eating is not good for you at all adult or child as the brain isn’t engaged with the food your eating/chewing/digesting.

Ugh now I regret engaging, so condescending.
Clearly you think the world needs your advice OP, so next time you see this in a restaurant why don't you go over and explain to them everything they're getting wrong, I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Erm no, it's actually called none of your business.

Your message has really made me start to think for the first time what it must have been like for my parents @Cheeesus and how terribly trying and difficult for them it was.
As adults we have the remember when but a lot of it has been made into almost jokey chat now. I doubt very much reading aome of these posts that it was fun for my folks at the time.

Because i have learnt that this would be impolite.

also you might never get me to stop talking about what i have learnt about it in a monologue to them and then there would be a thread entitled bizarre woman approached us in restaurant and asked us if we knew the damage that mindless eating on screens was causing.

i come across condescending in real life regularly too. It’s part and parcel of the aspergers unfortunatley 🤷‍♀️

hardly baffling when 80% of adults are also in their phones. i suggest you mind your own business. it’s not hurting you- if they were screaming however it would be

OP, I completely agree with you. And I think Britain is doomed.
My partner is British and I think we are going to divorce over this .. :(

I literally never comment on these posts, but I felt really compelled to especially after the recent comments from Warwickshire County Council. You sound of a very similar narrow minded generation. Have you ever considered some of these children are SEN and the use of screen time is their own way to regulate in environments that are very difficult (such as restaurants with lots of noises, different smells and lots of people). I think perhaps instead of judging you should take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

I mean to be honest not only in relation to SEN kids but generally too. I am not sure why people of a certain age have such a thing about technology and screen time…maybe because you are scared of being left behind. The next generation are going to need to be extremely competent at using all kinds of technology and therefore some of the skills they are learning are actually far more important then you realise.

Please stop judging and educate yourself.

I wouldn't ever give my child an iPad in a restaurant as it's the opportunity to teach manners, social interaction and good behaviour. However, I'm happy for others to do it if they can't control their children otherwise. Would rather that than noise and disruption from feral kids.

I completely agree with you OP. I don't judge in specific situations because you never know if the child at the table is ND and this might be the only way for their parents to enjoy a meal out. But the proportion of children who are allowed to be on devices during a restaurant meal is far greater than the proportion of ND children. Not all neurodiverse children require a device for the family to be able to enjoy a meal either. I know this because my own child is ND.

My children are now young adults, so none of us had devices until they were well into their teens. We ate out very frequently from when they were babies, and there was never any issue. We also eat together around the table at home, so this was always the expectation. In restaurants they would sometimes color or play naughts and crosses for example, while they waited for their food or after they were done eating. This is very different to being absorbed in a video or game on a phone or tablet, and of course when they were eating they weren't also drawing or doing anything else. They were also expected to order their own food and say please and thank you to the waitstaff. My children beamed when waitstaff complimented them on their good manners, which frequently happened.

This is nothing to do with "perfect parenting" or not understanding what it's like to have a neurodiverse child - believe me! It's to do with our expectations of their behavior, and the fact that we enjoyed eating meals in restaurants with our kids and enjoyed their company.

@Aclubber I thank you for your post, and agree with it, but would like to point out that it is a little bit ageist!

What "certain age" and "narrow-minded generation" are you referring to? I am 60, yet I am one of the mothers who has been lambasted by some very rude people on this thread because of my "lazy" and hateful use of tech, including phones and tablets, to improve the life of my autistic child and allow him as normal a life as possible.

I also work almost entirely online, and run a medium-sized business pretty much entirely off my phone. My mum is 80, she is never off her bloody phone (!) and she understands perfectly that if we are going to enjoy a nice dinner out with her grandson it will involve the use of some tech at some point. Maybe it's more a question of people's different experiences rather than age?

I don’t understand why so many people are putting forward the view that it’s either allowing screen time or having children marauding around the restaurant. There is a third way, one where you actually sit and chat with your kids during a meal. They may or may not get a bit bored but they can also learn how to behave in public.

If posts on mumsnet were only about issues that directly 'hurt' the poster, then they'd hardly be any posts. Alot of threads on aibu are people moaning about stuff the doesn't directly hurt them.

*that doesn't directly hurt them

Given that there is now a campaign for tobacco style heath warning stickers on smart phones for under 16s, not sure why anyone would want their kids addicted to screens at such a young age

Wow so now you judge someone you've literally never met in actual real life.....you must have super powers!!! My 3 yr likes to watch blaze ony phone occasionally, I have no issue with this. He didn't as a baby because no I didn't think it was necessary but I didn't judge anyone else who did. Not your child, not your business, back off and mind your own!

Believe what you like.

also common for aspergers is that i honestly and truthfully don’t care what people think of me - or i don’t notice their awkwardness. I don’t really seek approval from anyone but maybe academic institutions (was channelled into study and have continued to do many degrees and courses as an adult!)

It would be very odd for someone who has been on MN for over ten years to make anything up and I am fed up of trying to prove (yesterdays photo with dated newspaper for one poster who doubted) what i say is true.

feel free to be content in your knowledge I am a troll and walk away but being ND is a totally different experience to parenting the ND i would imagine?

Also I am a little bit confused. Why would I know what it is like for people to judge my parenting?