Children on Ipads in restaurants

[Somersetlady]

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner.

Buffet to fine dining.

From todlers upwards.

No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons.

i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

@Futb0l and @Bopping298 I presume you are excluding children like my autistic son from your judgement and your discussion of "age appropriate places"? How will you know, though, when you are across the restaurant from us, not to judge us, when you are so "appalled" in other cases?

@Ohhbaby yes, you are misinformed. "Autistic kids" are not a homogeneous group of people. My son is very aware of how people are reacting to him. Others may not be. They are, surprisingly, different and individual people. Some are socially phobic. Some are quite uncommunicative. Some, like my son, are very sociable and highly communicative. All different, amazingly!

What's the difference between a book, a card game or a tablet? It's still plonking the child in front of something so that they don't partake in the meal.

I find it more shocking that in 2024 other parents are continuing to judge other parents.

Thedudesmummy

The vast majority of children are NT. By default, or we wouldn't call it "neuro-typical.

Honestly though, if eating out makes your child so uncomfortable, is it really a grear idea? Its not as though meals out are an essential part of childhood. Its a relatively recent notion to take children out to eat, i was almost never taken to a restaurant as a child.

@Futb0l oh sorry, shall we hide away from all public places or is it just restaurants? And at what age would you deem him no longer a child and therefore allowed out? And how will he have learned how to behave in restaurants if he's never been allowed in them?

Your disablist attitudes will NEVER stop me from allowing my son to live a full life and take his full place in society. However tricky you make it with your judgement and prejudice.

Is he allowed to go on holidays? That isn't essential either.

Have they all got the volume up or are they wearing headphones ? Therein lies the problem . Would drive me insane and is hugely selfish of not. What about the rest of the diners wanting to enjoy the peace ?

Nicparke

Humans live in society. For that to function well, its necessary as a group for people to take interest in how all children are reared and have a concern as to whether they are being taught appropriate behaviours for successful adulthood. That includes social skills.

Look if I could, I wouldn't make it accessible to kids at all. These are the first generation of kids growing up with screens from baby time.
No one else NEEDED it for millenia before. (I often hear, 'but there is just no other way')
But we're often reluctant to say no screens is best, because it's so prevalent.) So then people will give a number such as 'oh an hour is fine' or we recommend no more than 2 hours on weekend or some arbitrary number .

Realistically watching 30 minutes here or there is not going to make your kid cookoos, but I do think the perspective should shift.
Parents often want to know with how much screen time they can get away with? "What is too much?" When we really should try to see what is the least amount we can get away with. 'what can I do to make tv the absolute last resort?'

Because I'm reality ever minute watching a child is deprived of using their body and therefore developing necessary physical skills. (Tiny babies do less crawling, toddlers do less running and jumping and crawling, directly impacting things like muscle tone and core muscle endurance which in turn impacts a kids ability to sit still at a table and write (school) because they just don't have the core muscles for example.and mind.

Less of using their brain and mind (tv takes no use of their brain / cognitive skills). No puzzles, figuring out how am I going to use this chair to get to that thing ok the counter (problem solving). It's a minute less of practicing social and emotional skills (by playing with their brothers and sisters).
It's an extra minute of activating the reward system in the brain, dopamine release etc.
I could go on and on.

In reality most kids watch tv these days unless parents make a conscious decision to not have it, because cold turkey is easier than trying to limit it. (Think of you trying to only eat one piece of chocolate and leaving the rest there staring at you. It's easier to decide to just not buy the chocolate or sweet than trying to put the packet away when it's already open).
And it also depends on what they have done for the rest of the day.
So a kid that's played outside for 4 hours and had an hour of conversation with their dad when he came home from work, baked bread and hanged up the washing with mom, for him that hour is not going to matter so much. But for the kid that was maybe in nursery all day with no active, corrective conversation from an adult and stayed inside the whole day, that hour will matter more.

I can't tell you what's too much.
It's like sugar. Sweets are bad for kids, point blank. But we all have sugar. The best perspective would be to try and minimize sweets as much as possible, not ask how much is too much. Like can we push it to 3 packets a day?

@Ohhbaby thank you - very informative and interesting read. I appreciate you taking the time to reply. Food for thought indeed!

@Futb0lHumans live in society. For that to function well, its necessary as a group for people to take interest in how all children are reared and have a concern as to whether they are being taught appropriate behaviours for successful adulthood. That includes social skills.

Quite so. How would my teenager then know how to behave in public places if (as you suggest) he wasn't hadnt been allowed in them in childhood? Or maybe you don't mean us when you say "all children". Oh, of course you don't. Silly me.

You parent the child you have, not the child you'd like to have.

Before children, I had notions of lovely, calm mealtimes with children, everyone exchanging stories about their respective days - just like my family did when I was growing up in fact.

Then ds came along. We tried crayons and sticker books, miniature Paw Patrol toys, fidget toys, everything. Still he was more interested in the salt and pepper pots and cutlery. Literally all the table furnishings migrated from within his reach to the opposite end of the table. Nothing kept him occupied for long - not engaging him in conversation, not his little rucksack of trinkets. And then we tried a tablet, and our mealtimes were transformed. Two rules - earphones or volume low and it gets switched off while eating.

Six years later we had dd. She has a similarly low boredom threshold, cannot sit still for long and fidgets and fiddles. Unlike ds, she is perfectly happy with sticker books, colouring books and crayons, puzzles and so on. When none of those is available, she will play puzzles on her tablet or occasionally watch something - volume low, switched off during eating.

We're on the verge of an adhd diagnosis for dd, and strongly suspect the same with ds.

I couldn't give a shit what others think of our parenting. One mealtime is a snapshot of the totality of our lives. Our children are intelligent, sociable, mature and engaging. We give them a wide variety of life and learning opportunities, we encourage their education. They play football, swim, go to gymnastics. We talk to them and with them, discuss important issues, ensure they're kind and empathetic.

If you want to judge us from a one hour sitting, I really think that's your problem, not ours.

Naah, they all so entitled, they have the sound up full and the parents are oblivious! I moved tables on Sunday night on a restaurant because a small kid seated on the next to me at 8.30pm had tinny kid cartoon music blasting out of his tablet.

dont apologise to two bullies shouting down everyone who disagrees with them. That’s how bullies win. You’re entitled to a point of view.

The issue of the sound being audible is a completely separate issue from kids having screens in the restaurant. It's absolutely unacceptably rude and totally avoidable. Earphones can be bought for practically nothing. I wouldn't allow my DS to use a device in any public place with the sound audible, ever, and yes, I do judge those who do!

@theDudesmummy they can just sense who are the special needs kids and they of course are leaving them out of their judgement!

🤦‍♀️

My son loves restaurants. He is not in the least "uncomfortable" in them (as long as people are not being shitty to him, or to me). He loves reading the menu, chatting to me and the staff about it, ordering his meal politely from the staff, then settling down to watch something he enjoys while enjoying the hell out of his meal and no-one else is bothered by him because he is not humming loudly, squeaking, or hopping about.

And yes, I too enjoy eating out. And reading my book while eating. And being in his company and exchanging comments while we sit there. Is that OK or too much "for the benefit of the adult".

He is nearly 15. He is going to be just the same at 25, I suspect. I repeat, when should I be allowing him to access normal social activities?

"Common"? Pray do expand? And who are the ADHD crew? My son is autistic, he doesn't have ADHD, can I come aboard?

Do let it go, this thread is not all about you and your son – you have special circumstances and people acknowledge that and have no issue with it. They are talking about a more general problem in society.

It's common and lazy.

Ah, good morning Hyacinth Bucket. I trust that Onslo is well.

What's common and lazy is rushing to judge others and put them down to make yourself feel superior.