Children on Ipads in restaurants

[Somersetlady]

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner.

Buffet to fine dining.

From todlers upwards.

No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons.

i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

So when you hate seeing it, how do you decide if the child is ND or not!? In order to to hide your very probable judgment and come on MN, like the OP has to bath those parents?

And if others parent differently to you, why does it upset you so much? Get on with your day, unless the children are being abused.

@doilooklikeicare

sorry you don't understand,
doilooklikeicare? no

Until you stir up a whole hate thread or add to it like OP, which makes people feel shit...

@canonlydoblue well if you hate seeing my son enjoying his lunch then I don't find that a whole lot better, I am afraid. Maybe we should just stay indoors permanently so you don't have to witness such hateful scenes. Or may maybe you could just get on with your own lunch and stop looking at us?

I don't believe that people going around thinking nasty things about other people who are just getting on with their own lives and disturbing no-one, even if they don't express the nasty thoughts at the time (but do, as you have just done, express them later on the internet) is a very healthy state of affairs.

I'd like to say I just don't care that you and others are sitting there judging me, and hating my son for having the audacity to want to eat in the same restaurant as you while also being autistic. I certainly won't show you that I care when you see me there. But I do. It hurts.

@doilooklikeicare

Like I said, I'm not going to say anything to anybody about their parenting when I'm out with my family for a meal. I just notice. And I dislike what I see. Because after being a teacher for almost twenty years I can see the decline in children's social skills, attention span and general behaviour.

If your child is genuinely ND, why would you care what someone else posts on MN. You know what you have to do to get through the day and make life a little easier for you and your family. I am not in any way referring to these families.

OK so you don't hate my behaviour now, just dislike it. That's OK, then I suppose.

And I didn't get the memo that having a child with disabilities means that I am not allowed to have normal feelings and to care and potentially be hurt by what people think about us.

People care because of threads like this, saying they're lazy blah blah

How do you feel about the teaching bashing threads?

Do they upset you?

And maybe while sitting there stewing silently in your dislike of our behaviour, you could allow some alternative thoughts to flit across your brain. How about "gosh, that young man is really enjoying whatever it is he is watching, I wonder what it is?". Or "golly, what a quiet, well-behaved young man, with such nice table manners". Or even "what a nice laugh that boy has". Try it some time.

What I find interesting is its the kids who are always planted in front of a screen that are generally the brats as well. There does appear to be a direct correlation.

When we first started taking my toddler to cafes and restaurants many moons ago, we used to give him a phone to watch cartoons so we could eat in peace. A few months later, we decided to do without them. We would take it in turns to eat while one of us would take our child outside to run around (away from other diners obvs, so in the garden etc). As time went on he got better at sitting down for meals, we now have 3 kids with 4th on the way and whenever we go out for meals together the kids will sit with their drawing / colouring pads, or we engage them with chats. We never stay too long and at this point we don't go to 'nice' fancy places (kids still small and yes they will disturb other diners). Depending on the circumstances, I think kids can sit nicely at meal times in public as long as they are engaged in some way (chats with parents, books, colouring). They do get used to doing colouring in restaurants.

However, IMO it is just not possible for the vast majority of kids under the age of 6 to just sit quietly at the table for 1 hour with zero engagement whilst parents chat to their friends. It is not going to happen. And that's when the devices come out.

And yes I do agree with the comments upthread that I see more adults on their phones in restaurants than kids on devices!

Imagine what kids now will be like as adults! I went out yesterday and saw all three people on their phones, so depressing!

@Tatonka yes so true! A frightening thought indeed ...

It’s sad, isn’t it?

At home we have a rule no iPads or phones allowed at the dinner table (husband is the worst culprit) but on holiday I honestly just wana relax & have 30mins peace so I do stick my kids in Front of an iPad at a restaurant. Otherwise a.) if it’s a buffet by the time I’ve sorted & helped my kids with getting their dinner they have 1/2 eaten by the time I’ve went back for my plate & sat down, then I have to inhale mine before they want me back up or are moaning about god knows what. Or b.) how long everything is taking, when will it be here etc

so yes on holiday for that part of the day, when we eat, I am a “lazy parent” i turn on the iPad but since we’re on holiday & I am with the little angels 24/7 am sure whatever conversation we would normally have had at the table can be had afterwards instead when instead of cleaning up and loading dishes I am completely free to chat away 😀

As the parent of a kid with ASD and ADHD I find you to be really ignorant and judgemental of other parents.

My kid can't stay still between mouthfuls of food, let alone for a whole meal, even at home but espwcially out and about. My kid takes over an hour to eat something basic like a pasty at home, a restaurant meal can take over 2 hours. Having a screen (on silent or with headphones) helps them to focus, stops them running around, reduces their stimming. As a family we barely get to eat out due to the stress of managing this. Having people like you looking over, tutting etc really doesn't help. Yes the kids DO notice your behaviour towards them in restaurants and it does make them feel uncomfortable. My child ends up hiding in the toilets of a restaurant for 40+ mins because of it.

Please have some kindness rather than looking down on families who use screens whilst out and about. You have no idea of their situation.

Yanbu op. I have two young kids and have never in my life taken an ipad to a restaurant and we often get compliments about their behaviour. Key is:

• taking them to age appropriate places, e.g. that are likely to have suitable high chairs, menus with child friendly options, don't take hours for food to arrive
• eating at a suitable time for children
• having reasonable expectations based on age - no, a 3 year old isn't going sit eating/talking for more than 30 mins or so, so lingering over a lengthy meal is a rather selfish move by adults
• talk to them! Engage them in looking at the menu. Offer tastes of your food especially if it's more adventurous than their choice. Play i spy or rock paper scissors.

@Futb0l I agree - for my kids it's about taking them to age appropriate places where food is served quickly (so cafes are ideal). I won't take them to fancier places just yet as I will be too stressed thinking about the other diners.

Same. We also tend to choose family friendly restaurants and, when dd went through a phase where eating out was a nightmare, we just didn’t eat out for a short time.

It’s harder for the parents, but it’s supposed to be. We all chose to have children and teach them how to behave, which can suck short term when you just want to eat dinner, but is part of parenthood.

Obviously, it’s different if a child has considerable additional needs and this is the only way to manage it, but I’m talking about children who can actually manage it.

We have, we really have. Kids really can't sit through a meal.
And it's just lazy parenting. It's way harder to correct Johnny's behaviour in the shops or at the restaurant than just pop him in front of a screen. Rather than having to actually look up from your own meal /conversation, or often, your own screen and reprimand johnny and teach him the correct cause of action, we use the stimulant of a screen to keep him occupied so he wouldn't do anything else.
Man parents use screens for everything .
From the tiniest baby. I'm appalled. Apart from the fact that it is really damaging to children and babies' eyesight, brain development, physical development , emotional development, you name it, it has the added disadvantage that we don't teach our children life skills. It allows us to be lazy parents .
People can say it's not true all they want, but I'm a pediatric occupational therapist and if a child walks into my practice it takes me all of 2 minutes to know which ones are the kids that watch screens.
But parents don't want to hear it, because screens are just too convenient.

@Ohhbaby I am intrigued - how much is too much screen time?

My children do watch TV for about 1 hour every day.

What is also interesting is it's the judgy people that are also nasty people , another correlation!

Both of my grandchildren have devices that they seem to be glued to but we have a strict policy for mealtimes. Family and food take precedence, no devices allowed until EVERYONE has finished the meal.

Autistic kids are notorious for not picking up on social cues. Weird to me that yours (whilst having headphones on and watching an ipad) will pick up on someone looking at them funny.
I'm genuinely curious as maybe I am wholly misinformed