Children on Ipads in restaurants

[Somersetlady]

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner.

Buffet to fine dining.

From todlers upwards.

No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons.

i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

So, I have multiple questions:

• would you say the same if they were reading a book, comic etc at the table?
• have you taken into account what’s gone on during the day? I love holidays with my kids but meal time is often the only downtime I get.
• are you ok with kids being really noisy, moving about all the time or would you complain about that too?
• when is your book on how to be the perfect parent coming out?

@brunettemic thanks for that. As regards your second point, I would like to repeat something I said earlier in the thread, regarding holidays in particular rather than screen use in restaurants in general:

"And when we are on holiday we boat, tinker with the boat, swim, waterski, paddleboard, snorkel, socialise, walk etc etc. And in the evening we go to nice restaurants and he settles calmly and happily down to watch something on his phone or tablet after ordering his food, and the adults can chill and chat".

We love our holidays (we go to the same place every year because DS is well known and accepted in the community there, so we encounter minimum levels of the kind of horrible prejudice and ableism on display on this thread). DS always comes back fit, tanned, and full of beans, stories and photos. And he has had his phone there with him every dinner time, what horror.

We have always had the rule of no phones / screens at the table for everyone, no exceptions.

@Teddleshon great if that works for you and your family. None of your business if it does not work for others. We also do lots of things and have lots of customs that may not work for you..

OP, I agree. I think it's really worrying and have noticed this on holiday too. Sitting together for a meal should not require any family member having a screen in front of him or her.

I am also completely ok with kids interacting normally in restaurants and don't expect them to be on mute.

A blanket "no screens at the table" rule is fine if it works for you. Go ahead with it please. It does not work for us, even leaving aside my son and the restaurant issue and just looking at DH and me. An example if how looking at your own family's "rules" in a superior way compared to others can be very judgemental:

I will almost always have my phone at the table at supper time, and be looking at it. This is because this usually the time DH and I talk over the news of the day and what is going on in the world (we have very little time for this type of thing the rest of the day). I will read newspaper articles and the like out to him as we eat (yes, even sometimes Mumsnet posts!), and we will then discuss them (he has quite severe dyslexia and he doesn't like reading long pieces of text as it takes him forever, he prefers to listen to them).

Is that also unacceptable? Would it be more acceptable if we "took the newspapers" in paper form, like we did years ago, and discussed the contents as we peered at each other over the top of the paper? A "no screen" rule would not work for us (of course we could do it but it would decrease our enjoyment of our (limited) time together).

Everyone being judgy and superior on this thread, maybe take a step back?

I chat to her all the time. She doesn't chat back due to being non verbal. Is that a sufficient answer for you or do you want to carry on with your callous judgements based on max 1 hours observation in a restaurant?

@Enuffs maybe try reading my recent posts for my own answer to that? And also maybe reflect on what @JennyBeanR just wrote?

Same at home. However she won't sit at the table at home and we're trying to manage that. It's obviously not possible to allow her to run around at a restaurant though. Why do so many people in this thread think they know everything about the family dynamics of strangers? Some of which, like mine have children with special needs.
How about going to a restaurant and enjoying the meal with your family without casting dispersions on strangers.

Loads of people here who obviously live perfect lives and can write books for us "lazy parents"

How do people think parents coped before iPads were invented. Kids were given books, colouring, small toys and were also told to sit quietly during a meal time.

Also, @Enuffs just because your family "all talk the most" at mealtimes, it does not mean that applies to everyone's. Try imagining different families live in different ways, won't you?

@SKG unfortunately my 14 (nearly 15) year old has no interest in "colouring and small toys". He goes through phases of his interests though. At one time he cared most passionately about the specifications of the rolling stock of the Great Western Railway and the variety of lift doors in skyscrapers across the world. Hard to interest a bright teenager with those specific interests in "small toys"! Not sure even you would manage it. Thank god for YouTube though.

I wouldn't be able to go to restaurants with my daughter as she won't sit at the table. She's much too big now to force into a child seat, and even then, she'd cry/scream.
That's just my experience of parenting a non verbal ASD and SPD child. There are loads more reasons and experiences.
Why does it annoy you if a stranger is sat with a child in a restaurant on a tablet?

One of the things I worry about for my girl is that people will judge her harshly, exclude her, bully her, but for god's sake I didn't expect so many to judge my parenting skills so harshly for simply eating at a restaurant with her in an unapproved fashion.

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.
I think a lot of it is lazy parenting and shoving an iPad under a child's nose is easier than packing colouring or interacting with the child. 'Slow skills' like reading and doodling doesn't provide the instant stimulation of an electronic device and teaches the child patience and achievement over time. Talking with the child improves the relationship, manners and socialisation in a public area.
Obviously there are always going to be cases of child with SEN, but for the majority of children, I strongly believe no electronic devices at dining table is for the best.

@SKG231
Really really tone deaf to preach to parents with disabled children about "what would have happened" before various pieces of modern tech were invented. If you just bother to think about it for one moment. Many of us realise only too well that just fifty years ago people would have been telling us to put our children in "an institution". Some would be dead.

As @JennyBeanR said, before tablets and the like, even if not in an institution, my son would have not been able to go out to restaurants etc. He also probably would not have been able to communicate, go on holiday, take part in activities, or be any part of the community. What's wrong with using the tech we have to make our children's lives better? And as she says, what is it to you if my son has his phone on the table and his airpods in his ears while you (reluctantly it appears) share the same restaurant with him? Shame on the people who are coming out with this attitude, really, shame on you.

If you are so loath to allow us to use modern inventions to benefit our children why not ask "how do think parents coped before antibiotics were invented?". They learned to cope with many of their children dying, that's how. Shall we go back to those days simply because it was once like that?

This 100%

Thank you. Very well said.

Genuine question: if your 3 year old does not want to stay sitting at the table and no amount of game playing, stories or distraction techniques will help, how exactly DO you teach them to sit at the table nicely??

(Asking for a friend).

I'm really not sure I understand the difference between a child colouring, reading or playing solo with a toy at a table vs colouring, reading, playing a game or watching a video on a tablet?

Restaurants are incredibly boring for a lot of children. I was a good child, I sat and waited for my food, chatted with my parents.... but my god, I was so, so bored! Every evening meal on holiday!
Given the choice, many children would choose not to eat out at all in an adult restaurant. They'd rather be active or playing.

I really can't judge a parent for providing their child with something to occupy them for the time it takes to eat a meal. Especially can't judge them if they just want 5 minutes of adult chat after a busy holiday day keeping the kids active.

Honestly, some people are never happy unless they are judging everyone else.

Some will never sit at a table nicely.
Years ago when I was a carer I interviewed at a home for adults with special needs. I do remember some sat at the table with a carer helping them eat, but I also remember several wandering in and out. This was before I had my daughter so I wasn't as knowledgeable then so tbh I didn't think twice about the specifics. Having a daughter with special needs now, years later I do think back to what I saw in that home.
Obviously I aim to help my daughter learn and integrate with society as best she can. But it's freaking hard work and I'm aware that it's very possible she may never be able to.

Comparing ipads to life saving antibiotics is a bit of a stretch

@ForegoneAlliance because playing with toys, colouring and reading are respectable middle class things to do. Playing on a tablet...... <shudder>.....isn't.

The tablet is a last resort for my husband and I. We try to have device free meals, and then when it gets to a point where we would actually like a break we give our oldest the tablet. I use to have more of an issue with tablets but actually, times are changing and they can be quite educational. Our son doesn't just watch cartoons on his.

My daughter is autistic. She needs the sensory feedback from familiar songs/shows on her iPad to feel regulated in public places.
I have a friend with a non verbal son who needs a tablet with him at all times to regulate. She was rudely spoken to by an elderly lady that her son hadn’t spoken at all during the meal and was on his tablet the whole time….. he is completely non verbal 🤦🏻‍♀️.
There is more autistic children out there then rubbish parents. Maybe consider that…