Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Children on Ipads in restaurants

819 replies

Somersetlady · 05/02/2024 08:27

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner.

Buffet to fine dining.

From todlers upwards.

No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons.

i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 06/02/2024 10:56

@Helena7319 did you miss the part where he's non verbal? That's a pretty big impact I'd say, even with an aid like an ipad.The fact that his family have moved heaven and earth to ensure he thrives and has opportunities doesn't mean that his autism isn't really impacting him. Jesus.

PaperDoIIs · 06/02/2024 10:58

Btw, I expect your second comment will be deleted soon for blatant disablism which is a shame as it should stand as proof that it does happen and of your character.

Helena7319 · 06/02/2024 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TomeTome · 06/02/2024 11:03

Ignore the monsters

Helena7319 · 06/02/2024 11:03

PaperDoIIs · 06/02/2024 10:58

Btw, I expect your second comment will be deleted soon for blatant disablism which is a shame as it should stand as proof that it does happen and of your character.

Edited

My character is fine. My children can also sit through a meal without a screen.
My point was that she claims her child can do all of the high functioning activities she listed, but can't sit and eat for an hour. I call bull.

Helena7319 · 06/02/2024 11:04

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 03:37

@Helena7319 she did not say her child would "starve" through lack of an ipad, you are just nastily twisting things and you know it. She said that they would not be able to go out for a meal without intolerable levels of judgement, which make it so unpleasant that she would avoid it. Which is exactly my situation too. Is "not starving" the most we are allowed to hope for in terms of our children's enjoyment of life?

You are the PP who would judge me and my son "disgusting" if you saw us out and about, are you not? All I can hope is that our challenges in life are never visited on you.

She literally said "he won't eat without it".

IfYouDontAsk · 06/02/2024 11:11

doilooklikeicare · 06/02/2024 08:37

Don't worry about people judging you, from OPs post it shows she's quite happy to spend a significant amount of time ignoring her children whilst arguing on SM. She then trots out rubbish like, I've interspersed it with swimming, when everyone can see that she's posting every 2-4 minutes, then has the audacity to judge other parents!

Honestly, enjoy your family like, it sounds great and well measured.

Of course lots of MN, don't want to talk to their DHs, cause they've decided they're useless by the time they've got two children with them, great that you and your DH, still have time and energy for each other.

Thank you, you’re right!

Enuffs · 06/02/2024 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Enuffs · 06/02/2024 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CattyMcTat · 06/02/2024 11:21

Helena7319 · 06/02/2024 11:03

My character is fine. My children can also sit through a meal without a screen.
My point was that she claims her child can do all of the high functioning activities she listed, but can't sit and eat for an hour. I call bull.

Your character is not fine. You attitude towards those with disabilities is frankly sick and I would imagine your poor DC are at a real disadvantage with such a vile individual as a mother.

Stop focusing on other people's DC and go and get the therapy you desperately need.

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 11:39

@Helena7319Doesn't sem like the autism is really impacting does it?

You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and this is an incredibly offensive remark, which I think you should really retract.

Try living for 14 years with a non-verbal person who required, when he was younger, years of 40 hours a week of specialist care, just to get him to be able to communicate and to stop smashing his head on the floor in frustration hundreds of times a day (that phase lasted for years).

And then after that try the thousands of hours of work done with him for him to be able to go into a shop without stimming on the door for twenty minutes before entering. And to get him to sit on an aeroplane without causing near-mutiny among the other passengers (we literally had people refuse to get on a return plane with us after a holiday aboard). And to allow him to get in a lift without pressing all the buttons, every single time. And to get him to to walk down the street without skipping into people obliviously. And to take part in groups and social situations without causing havoc. And, yes to sit in a restaurant and have a meal without disrupting everyone's meal. Using whatever techniques we could, including the technology available to us.

Try all the tears, the sleepless nights (the years when he hardly slept and I slept on his bedroom floor), the disruption of family life year after year, and the tens and tens of thousands of pounds spent to get to the point we are at now.

Try even now being unable to go anywhere in public without many tuts and stares, unless you are incredibly well-prepared and organised and well-briefed for whatever is about to happen (and god forbid there is any change in plan).

Try especially having a dreadful chill run down your spine every time you think of what his life (and ours) would have been like without modern technology.

Educate yourself. Just because we make absolutely every effort to integrate our son into society despite his disabilities, doesn't mean his autism is not "impacting". Tell that to my bank balance, my cortisol levels or my son's father and siblings.

Maybe you should spend less time on MN and more with your child

You may notice that I am on MN now while he is at school (he is at a special school by the way, his autism impacts a great deal on him educationally), and in the middle of last night, when he was fast asleep but I could not sleep because I was worrying about something related to him. And how is this nasty retort an answer to my asking whether you are as offended and "upset" by physically disabled people using technology to help them as you obviously are by developmentally disabled ones?

I am beginning to think you may be a self-parodying caricature. Surely no-one is really such an oblivious shit to the families of disabled children?

Scirocco · 06/02/2024 11:50

@theDudesmummy just to say, you sound like a great mum who's doing a phenomenal job raising your family. Ignore the judgey people.

Y6yhnsr5 · 06/02/2024 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mealtimes are when we all talk the most.

That works for you and your family. Good for y'all.

It shouldn't matter to you when people talk to their kids about "general stuff".

That's the problem we have in society; everyone want's people to parent the way they do. That's crazy!

Do you know these families schedule? Constraints? How much time they spend with their kids? Cultural backgrounds? Kids ages? So many factors that contribute to how THEY parent.

In the end, it all goes down to minding your business and stop being so quick to judge without knowing people.

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 12:03

Mealtimes are when we all talk the most.

That's nice. My DS just happens not to much like chatting at mealtimes, but loves to chat in the car. I think he finds it less pressurising, including the aspect of you being side-by-side rather than looking at each other, which some autistic people can find challenging. As well as the fact that he can get an "opening" into the conversation (something he sometimes finds hard) by commenting on something in the changing scenery etc. Also, there are usually just the two of us, which makes it easier for him.

Should I insist he talks to me at mealtimes, when he instead opens up about a lot of his inner thoughts in the car? Of course not, that would be not only disrespectful to his choices but giving him the message that it is more important to talk at certain times than others.

If your children "talk most" at mealtimes, well great. Talk then. If they "talk most" at other times, well, talk then instead. No-one else's business.

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 12:05

@Scirocco thanks for that. I have learned long ago to let people's judgement mostly run off my back. That poster's overt prejudice, ignorance and nastiness was something beyond that, and it just got to me I am afraid.

Enuffs · 06/02/2024 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

doilooklikeicare · 06/02/2024 12:07

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 12:03

Mealtimes are when we all talk the most.

That's nice. My DS just happens not to much like chatting at mealtimes, but loves to chat in the car. I think he finds it less pressurising, including the aspect of you being side-by-side rather than looking at each other, which some autistic people can find challenging. As well as the fact that he can get an "opening" into the conversation (something he sometimes finds hard) by commenting on something in the changing scenery etc. Also, there are usually just the two of us, which makes it easier for him.

Should I insist he talks to me at mealtimes, when he instead opens up about a lot of his inner thoughts in the car? Of course not, that would be not only disrespectful to his choices but giving him the message that it is more important to talk at certain times than others.

If your children "talk most" at mealtimes, well great. Talk then. If they "talk most" at other times, well, talk then instead. No-one else's business.

Oh for goodness sake @theDudesmummy you must realise that the ones insisting talking at meal times is the best are absolutely the best parents in the world ever......

I mean OP has really proved that, hasn't she.

I'm sure she's glued to 5at phone for another three hour session today, keeping up with all the comments!

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 12:07

@enuffsif that was aimed at me, I think you have not read any of my previous posts. Maybe try that before being rude?

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 12:11

@Enuffs and given that he and I spend quite a lot of time in the car together (we live rurally and most of the activities I take him to are in town, so quite long drives there and back), we chat a great deal.

Managing his mood, noise level and behaviour in a restaurant, so everyone there, including us, can have an enjoyable meal, has absolutely fuck all to do with how much we talk to each other.

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 12:13

Depressing depressing thread. I almost regret engaging, I have a headache now. But maybe some people have taken something useful away from it. Haters gotta hate, I suppose, so they won't have though..

doilooklikeicare · 06/02/2024 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

I think it's how SS identify neglected children, I mean it's totally foolproof and not subjective at all.

Fionaville · 06/02/2024 12:22

@theDudesmummy Take no more notice of the crank that is @Helena7319 She's just a nasty person, who hasn't got a clue. You don't need to justify yourself anymore. Obviously for people like that, their only conversation with their children takes place during meals out and at restaurants on holiday. Then they really pat themselves on the back, because the rest of the time, they barely bother with their kids. Whereas our lives are fully devoted to our children, because that's the way it has to be for SEN parents, if our kids are to get the best out of this cruel world!

Y6yhnsr5 · 06/02/2024 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ok - you must know the ins and outs about everyone's family then. You should go ahead and write a book.

PaperDoIIs · 06/02/2024 12:48

theDudesmummy · 06/02/2024 12:05

@Scirocco thanks for that. I have learned long ago to let people's judgement mostly run off my back. That poster's overt prejudice, ignorance and nastiness was something beyond that, and it just got to me I am afraid.

It got to a lot of people and as I predicted to comment was deleted.

I don't have a child with SEN , but I work with them and I found upsetting on their (and their families) behalf.

TheScenicWay · 06/02/2024 13:03

It is an issue when parents constantly ignore their dc and let them stay in front of the screen. We all know that there are many parents who would rather have an easy life and keep their kids quiet with screens.
As another example of a 'you don't know what goes on in peoples lives' situation - my friend works weekends while her dh works all week. They are so engaged with their kids which is why they have this set up. They're a really fun and adventurous family but if they get to go out for a meal on a Friday or Saturday evening, they'll often give their kids a screen so they can just chat together. They only have evenings together and the dc are usually tired by then anyway.