Children on Ipads in restaurants

[Somersetlady]

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner.

Buffet to fine dining.

From todlers upwards.

No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons.

i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

I agree with you tbf. We never use screens at meal times. Ever. We make conversation, bring colouring etc if we have to. Follow them round the restaurant if we have to. But we never use screens. I think it's awful for social development and mealtimes should be the one time kids don't have screens. Mine have more than enough tv other times.

This is the future. Nobody interacts anymore.

People rely on pads because it’s easier than parenting. Decades ago I don’t think people ate out so much, people didn’t have the money. Children weren’t sat in pubs and restaurants and expected to sit quietly for two hours or more, at least not as often as you seen them now.

I prefer quill pens and parchment.
Possibly a large Cross Stitch Sampler with the entire alphabet of all the Countries in the world.
YABU, old fashioned & judgmental.

How will they ever learn to be present for family time? Oh come on! You are judging a child's whole socialisation education on one snap shot of their lives.
And if you want to eat out, just go to family friendly pubs that have soft play? Really? What about when you are invited to a family, celebration meal at an Italian? Just don't go, because your SEN child won't be able to cope sitting there for 2 hours? Or take them a device, so when they are getting restless or overwhelmed, they can pop their headphones on and watch their TV show or play a game.

We spent years segregating ourselves from friends, family and society as a whole. Because our autistic son didnt act like other children. When we got him a portable DVD player with headphones, it was a game changer for us. It meant that we could have the occasional meal out and it didn't have to have a Wacky Warehouse attached!
On holiday, we could spend all day and evening playing with him and interacting with him. And then we could have an evening meal in a decent restaurant and when he got restless, we could give him it and unwind as adults for an hour. He's grown into a lovely adult, who loves eating out, chatting and doesn't take his phone out once.
I hate the thought that parents with SEN children, would be segregated, limited or hide away at home, rather than using a device because they are worried about being judged.

But why would they be?

If they are brought up sitting at the table at home then why couldn't they cope in a restaurant?

It's because kids are fed nuggets kn their own at home not at a family meal at a dining table that they then can't cope in a restaurant. Also children are never left to be bored. Ipads in the car, the GP waiting room etc. The children never learn to just sit.

@Fionaville thank you. Exactly.

Maybe you should save your concern for other more serious harms.

It's a hugely serious harm.

Huge cause of obesity is over eating because you are mindlessly shovelling food in.

Children not developing conversation skills, turn taking, eye contact. It's a hugely influential time for learning social skills.

Children can mirror adults eating patterns, seeing foods, showing curiosity in them.

They learn to set still, to wait, to have deferred gratification.

I genuinely believe one of the reasons behaviour is so poor in schools is because children are used to the high intensity stimulation of being plugged into a screen so then can't focus in class.

Children can sit nicely through meals if you teach them to and if it's a daily habit.

And I refuse to hide my child away. So, my alternatives? Should I take him (and the rest of the family) to eat at "soft play" at the age of fourteen, because when he is bored or stressed he makes a loud humming sound which would disturb other diners in a quieter restaurant? Or let him pop his headphones on at any restaurant we care to go to, and chuckle quietly to his favourite videos while we all enjoy a meal? What would your choice be?

Please think about what you are saying, judgemental people.

@Gruffallowhydidntyouknow why when people are t watching screens are they eating a portion of food served, yet when watching screens it's shovelling?

The portions are the same size, whatever!

A lot of the "children's menu" has quite big portions (dont get started on why we need a separate menu of beige and chips for children??)

Instead of eating to satisfaction one tends to overeat when distracted. There is research on this.

You know already that about 95% of kids on screens don't have additional needs.

Also let him hum. It's other people's issue not your son's x

Ds has adhd and really struggles to sit in a restaurant without an iPad.

its a horrible experience for everyone if we made him sit there and make small talk.

@Gruffallowhydidntyouknow bollocks do people eat more when distracted.... show me the stats on that

But again why shovelling?

I am asking people to think before passing judgement, that's all. You can't tell what another family's issues are. Maybe SEN, maybe other things. Maybe just not anyone else's business.

You haven't heard the humming! I don't want to hear it when I am eating either! And I don't happen to like people staring. I guess I would rather the silent unspoken judgement.

(Although I just said to DH, while reading him some of this thread, that I almost wish some of the people on this thread would come over to us in a restaurant and say these things to our faces! DH says he feels sorry for anyone who does!).

Apart from SEN - thank you @theDudesmummy - , it’s totally pathetic lazy parenting. In all other cases.

I often eat lunch at my desk while watching a TV show or something. I have never "shovelled" my food. Nor do i if I watch TV when having dinner, as I also do sometimes.

💯.

and just sitting, staring, out the window, at the doctors, at the Dentist, wherever, that is actually relaxing and good for the brain.

Often, why people don’t sleep now, is that they don’t have these brakes. The natural daydreamy and relaxing, staring out of the window in the train kind of thing, et cetera. Everyone is super glued and hyper to their iPhones iPads et cetera. On high alert and always stimulated.

People have made the same arguments since the dawn of time about whatever was the “new” thing at that time.
As a kid I remember going to restaurants that had playgrounds or little soft plays I could go to unattended. And you bet my mum would send me there from the minute we arrived and between courses. How much “social interaction/ family time” was that really whilst she sat there in the smoking area of the restaurant lighting up? Times have changed. These days even if a restaurant has something like a play area then kids aren’t allowed to be left unattended. We were given a safe (enough) space to go wild. Kids today aren’t. I bet you if there was no play area and iPads were a thing when I was young I’d have been the first to be given one. It’s a case of rose tinted glasses and nostalgia for people who think differently.

Mrtiddlescat, you can't tell - but if only 15% are neurodiverse, it means the other 85% are not using them for medical reasons

I don't agree that kids eat more when using an ipad. In any case I would not be able to take my severely autistic dd out without it so you can mind your own business and bask in the glow of your perfect parenting.

I went on an all inclusive to a beautiful hotel in Majorca in 2022 I would definitely say it was very middle class and it was during term time so there were loads of babies, toddlers, preschoolers and I saw the same thing. That virtually every table in the enormous buffet restaurant had an iPad (or more than one) with a child glued to it.

Interestingly I have visited Butlins in 2022 and 2023 and although some tables had them, most didn't.

A lot of parents nowadays are lazy and selfish IMO, I'm not saying every parent whose ever got their phone or iPad out is a bad parent, but I do see a lot of people ready to jump in and say there's nothing wrong with it, but there bloody is. Do better for your children.

I wonder if this is one of the main differences between my family and yours? My son is homeschooled and we are actively engaged all day in various stuff. The only exception is mealtimes... No-one in our family enjoys chatting over food. For us, eating is a time of quiet solitude, with a book or a movie or just sitting in the garden.

We all know how to use good table manners and have conversations over meals, it's just that it's tedious (and kind of gross, I'd rather take a walk and chat instead of watching someone else chew).

With the exception of children with SEN I agree with the lazy parenting. We have taken colouring, books, small games like dobble or cards (not in higher end restaurants) to pass the time between courses. We also eat at the table with no screens at home each night (except Saturday movie night and dinner on the sofa) so it's normal behaviour for us. Some of the best conversations happen at dinner time.

I wouldn’t be able to go to eat if I didn’t bring my son’s iPad (Amazon tablet). I very rarely eat out as I’m disabled and he has suspected adhd so it’s a struggle especially as a single parent. But when I do, if he doesn’t have his iPad he is up and down and cannot sit down and sit still to eat. With his iPad, it enables him to be stimulated and concentrate on something so he’s not being as disruptive. This is a win win for everyone in a sense that I can eat my food in peace, he can actually eat and he’s not disrupting everyone else’s meal.