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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to throttle dh?

58 replies

queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 16:09

He's got a cold aka the dreaded man flu. I've been looking forward to Easter weekend for soooo long, a bit of company, a bit of help with 10month ds, family time etc. Ha! He took a day off work yesterday, sat around, napped during the day (luxury) while I took ds out and about. Today, when he's a little better, and wouldn't have been at work anyway, he's worse. Lolling about on the sofa, watching rugby, coughing and spluttering in a suspiciously forced manner, talkiing in a poorly voice. So, again, I've had to entertain ds, even though its pissing down outside and there's bugger all to do. And we're going away tomorrow, so I've also had all the washing and packing to do. he says he can't help being ill, which is true, but my point is, I can't have a day off when "I'm just sooo tired, I just want a little nap". Why do we have to carry on and they get to act like they've got the plague.
I do know that actually I'm being a cow, I just wanted a rant

OP posts:
hattyyellow · 21/03/2008 17:42

Love that series of sketches from man stroke woman, wonder if they'll repeat it? Worth watching the rest if you have time.

What is it with men?? I had to work either yesterday or today to make up my contracted hours this week.

I looked after kids yesterday whilst DH err had a day off, as well as "catching up on paperwork". Today he has the kids and I am working all day - on a bank holiday.

So he's now looking forward to having a break tomorrow whilst i have the kids again. Err isn't it my turn for a break after childcare and working? Don't get me wrong I love my little ones but surely time off should be shared? Hijack over.

Lets all stage a mass outbreak of some vague and random bug ourselves!

JaneHH · 21/03/2008 17:43

Good idea, hatty, I'm in! What shall we call it? Must sound suitably serious and life-threatening, of course, but also vaguely female to avoid much questioning

Judy1234 · 21/03/2008 18:19

Perhaps tell him if he doesn't take over the child now today until it goes to bed the next time you are ill he will have to take a day's leave out of his holiday allowance from work and look after the child.

purpleduck · 21/03/2008 18:37

My dh gets suffers with man-flu too.

However, i broke out in shingles the other day, and he has taken fabulous care of me since.

He even mopped the floor today. Thats about the 3rd time in ten years.

I don't think I am quite as nice to him.

Original poster
queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 19:36

So. He got up at the sound of a screaming baby. Then we had a screaming row, him accusing me of 'picking on him' and claiming that he couldn't help being ill (its definitely flu now, apparently). I told him I didn't mind him being ill, it was the fact he seemed to think he could just opt out of everything, even though we have a baby, when I really do have to just muddle through if I feel under the weather. He then declared he ddn' want any tea (despite sending me out earlier to get all the ingredients for a curry) and has just managed to force a yoghurt down 'to keep my strength up'. He is also muttering soemthing about making a will. AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
JaneHH · 21/03/2008 19:47

"making a will" but also PML

DH and I make jokes of his being so serious when he's got man flu (me: "Are you dying...?", him in a deliberately croaky voice: "yeees") Perhaps this is the only way...

Elasticwoman · 21/03/2008 19:49

In our house, you are either well enough to go to work/school or you are in bed with the blinds drawn. You are not allowed to watch tv AND dip out of any chores. (we don't have tv in the bedrooms).

Original poster
queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 19:52

he's gone to bed now. For the night. So I'm going to sit here, drink wine and fester. Bloody men. God, I'm going to feel sooo bad if there's really somthing wrong with him

OP posts:
addictedtoharibo · 21/03/2008 19:54

I really really feel for you. Why do they act this way? It seems to be universal. My DH has a routine...down to the living room with his dressing gown on (and joggers on underneath), curtains closed, lights off and watching tv (precisely what he wants - sounds like bliss really). He loses the ability to speak in full sentences..."tea....can i....please" and sighs at about the rate of four times a minute. Each time I want to strangle him more.

The way I beat it last time - he had a cough and was off work for 3 days (!!!!) was to go out to the shops and pretend i had been to see the pharamcist looking for cures for him. I said (in very concerned voice) that she said if his symptoms were this bad with a cough then he should go straight to casualty. I also (very shamefully) slipped in that when my father had had a heart attack recently he had been short of breath before too just like him...

He was back in work the next day.

xxx

Judy1234 · 21/03/2008 20:17

It si not universal tough. My father and my exhusband and my brother were never like this. You soldier on and if you're ill and have children to mind you do it.

Why not find someone to mind the baby tomorrow and you go out for the day. Or have him look after it for a couple of hours in the morning

hercules1 · 21/03/2008 20:19

Totally agree with Xenia. Of course it's not universal. Once you start believing it to be intrinsically part of being male then acceptance and allowances creep in...

Original poster
queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 20:21

To be fair, he's taking ds on Monday while me and my mum do wedding outfit shopping. If he's still alive, not hooked up to a drip in hospital. It's more the attitude that bugs me, the whiney babyness, and the assumption that no person ever in the history of the world has felt this bad ever. Xenia, you must have magic powers to make men buck up (off, hark at me, all Mallory Towers) in your presence

OP posts:
hercules1 · 21/03/2008 20:22

WHy would you think someone must have magical powers if they know men who do their share of work? You must know some shitty men.

Original poster
queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 20:36

Obviously I don't really think that anyone has magical powers Hercules, it was a light-hearted comment. And I'm not saying for one moment that none of the men I know do their share of work. I was merely posting for a bit of cheering up after a day looking after one of the many men who belive their colds to be worse than other people's.

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 21/03/2008 21:46

Hercules probably looked at your name, Queen, and thought here's some one just waiting to be put down.

Original poster
queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 21:54

Oh. Is that a reflection on my dumb name, or her personality? Not stirring, just curious...

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 21/03/2008 21:55

Well, you give yourself a dumb name and then don't like it when some one casts aspersions ...

Original poster
queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 22:01

Did you join this just to find someone to have a go at? Bloody hell....

OP posts:
Divastrop · 21/03/2008 22:10

its a full moon,some people seem to think its compulsary to shit-stir.just remember that they are the ones with the problem.

Original poster
queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 22:13

Aw, thanks for that ds. Was beginning to irrationally feel a little blah

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 21/03/2008 22:17

No, not magic power. My father's a doctor and he just tended to chip in even when ill at home, his sense of fairness, may be. I don't nkow. I suppose we're the sort of family who woudl have one day off sick in 15 years, on both sides. Just how we're all made.I was the same when I had an employer and I don't remember my ex husband ever taking a day off sick from school in 18 years except when he had a wisdom tooth operation. Or perhaps we're just very hard working or don't catch as many germs.

But some peoople just differ and sometimes we just have to accept people aren't like ourselves.

The bigger issue really is both of you are just getting used to your first child. I'm in year 23 of motherhood and that takes quite a bit of adusting to as a man or woman, that you don't really have the chance to be ill any more unless you have a wife who lets you I suppose - so this is your testing ground, last chance to get things right for the next 25 years in a sense...)

nkf · 21/03/2008 22:27

Doctors are tough though. I think they see so many really ill people that they feel embarrassed to pretend to be sick.

To the OP, I've never found a solution either. I still seethe when confronted with the kind of illness that seems to require TV, sofa and large meals. So sympathies.

Original poster
queenofthedumbquestion · 21/03/2008 22:31

Ta nkf. He's in bed now, so is ds, so I'm quite enjoying the peace. And then, tomorrow, tough me. No pandering. No mention of flu. We'll all just get on with it

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 21/03/2008 22:31

True and my brother's a doctor too. no spouse is perfect and none of us will be so I suppose to some extent you just have to accept the defects of the other knowing we all have plenty of our own.

My children joke that you have to be virtually dead to get a day off school sick in this house so perhaps some people are just brought up with that ethos and others aren't.

And some feel more ill than others. If my ex husband had a runny nose it didn't seem to affect him in terms of feeling ill (he was fit and slim I suppose) whereas I would feel much more ill (but force myself to breastfeed the children etc because you don't really have much choice with a baby)

nkf · 21/03/2008 22:33

And some people think illness is worth talking about. You ring them up and say "how have you been" and they tell you about their sore throat. If it was something serious, it would make sense but why mention a cold?