He won't move out

[Bobby80]

Name changed but I'm a long time user.

Married. 1 DC. Live in Scotland (important to the story due to the legal system) living in a house I own and did so before being married.

Short story. DH is an alcoholic. He didn't drink when I met him but over the last 5 years it has slipped in. For the last 6 months it been daily drinking mixed with some binges/going AWOL for a weekend at a time (using coke). He's a lovely, lovely man when sober but unbareble when drunk. Also, any sort of drug use don't fit my lifestyle or the lifestyle I want for my child- it's a non-negotiable.

I asked him to leave in Aug when he last went AWOL. He pleaded, went to AA, saw a therapist.....etc. Since then the daily drinking started again. I asked him again to leave and he won't. What do I do?

His reason is he has nowhere to go which is a valid point as there is NO rental market here. Also, I'm financially secure as I have a secure job and personal savings. He spends his money on drink so finances for him are an issue.
I'm not willing and don't think (in Scotland) legally obliged to sell my house to release equity for him to buy. He doesn't want to go back to his mum. He doesn't want to stay married but is refusing to leave the house. We are able to talk amicably and I don't want to get to the stage where we can't but I'm finding this very frustrating. I genuinely want to best for him but this is taking it's toll on me and my child.

Advice on how to best approach this, please?

Just change the locks one day and call the police when he comes knocking. Call his mum, tell her he's moving in (if she'll have him) and thats the end of that.

I think it is called a no molestation order there? He legally has to be out of the house then. Usually, this is for abuse but the drugs he's doing will definitely get you the order.

That is exceptionally unlikely to happen as to most people there is nothing wrong. I can see the dependance/patterns but nobody else can. Typical "middle class" drinking. Good area, good jobs and a bottle of wine a night.... Obviously it's an issue for him and but not one SS are going to care about because 1) there is no risk to the child 2) nobody is going to report a concern 3)being drunk isn't a crime.

When I said he was "umbararable" - there is NO violence, shouting etc. I just can't tolerate that level of dependancy on a substance.

Pardon? You edited your post but it Still makes no sense.

Can I reiterate that I have asked him to leave- I don't need convincing. I'm looking for practical ways forward and experiences of others.

What the fuck are you taking about? White woman nonsense? Entitled? It's her house! She owned it since before they were married. She 100 percent should change the locks. In what way is this entitled? Imagine anyone wrote "typical black woman nonsense"? They would rightly be called out for their vile racism.

So whilst you should leave thearriage with what you came with, no you don't have to sell... Getting him out? I reckon you'll have to go to court. Gingerbread (Charity) are very clued up on this. Give them a shout for advice. May be an easier way if he is an alcoholic (assuming no other DV)?

I'm baffled by both the suggestion of changing locks and by being 'entitled'. How do you know I, or anybody else, is white?!

I'm unsure on the legalities but my vote goes to changing the locks while he's out

Yeah you're a troll. Get out of here.

1. It's my house.
2. He doesn't want me to leave as he's not as insane as you.
3. In response to @BlackGirl

Why does changing the locks baffle you? How else do you propose to get rid of him. Sounds like you're defending him now and that actually you don't want rid of him? I think you need to commit to it and then act.

My understanding of the law is that I can't change the locks and deny access to the marital home? I might own it and not have to sell it in the event of a divorce but I don't think, legally, I can keep him out by changing the locks.

Hi OP. I'm sorry you're being trolled when you're looking for practical help with a hard situation. It sounds like you're on reasonable speaking terms. Could you speak to a family lawyer, look into your options such as the non molestation order mentioned above and then have a conversation with him where you escalate it and explain to him that he has a week/month to leave and if he doesn't you'll go the legal/formal route? A fair deadline and threat of getting a court involved might get the wheels turning.

I'd still do it and when the police turn up (if they did) explain to them all about it. No police officer or court is going to force you to open your home with your child in it back up to an alcoholic who you are trying to divorce. They're just not. It's worth the risk, sounds like he needs a wake up call.

What's he going to do ? To the police it's a civil matter , he has no money for court because he's drinking it all and putting it all up his nose. He'll just slink off back to his mother's and continue on drinking

Going on the English system you are right, because you are married the house is a marital asset so you can't lock him out. You really need legal advice.

You need to contact a solicitor for a fixed fee one-off session to find out your legal options, unless you have access to CAB? It will be worth every penny in giving you the peace of mind. Good luck.