Teens growing up too fast - why?

[Pinniy]

My DS is 18, a great kid. At school he’s created himself a solid group of 5 friends, 3 girls and 2 boys.
As a group they all seem remarkably mature!
They all have part time jobs off their own back and don’t seem to engage in normal teenage hobbies.
DS works in a local supermarket 1 evening a week and Sunday afternoons (6-10 and 12-4). Today before work he and his 5 friends met up for “brunch”.
Yesterday they all met up and had a Maths study session for a few of them then went out for dinner. On Friday they met up with a bigger group and went out for dinner, nice place with beer and wine etc.
The all seem really diet conscious, never happy to just go to McDonald’s and lunch is always a carefully crafted meal!!
They hardly ever drink, just at parties which aren’t all that often (just birthdays really).
Ive also noticed he and his friends are all quite strict with each other about studying and sleep.
The girls all have skin care routines and 12 step hair care routines.

When my older DS was the same age (just 7 years ago but pre-Covid)
He did slot more drinking, partying, McDonald’s trips etc. He still got 2 As and a B at A-level so it didn’t impact his results.

AIBU to think all teenagers seem to be maturing much faster these days and to wonder why this is?

Mine are the same. They love cooking and spend ages making a meal with their friends. One of them got a job at 14 and they are fairly serious about their fitness routines.

They are also much better informed than I was at their age.

If only my son was as sensible as yours. 🤔

There's nothing to worry about. Just be grateful he fell into a sensible group that are looking after themslves and thinking about their futures instead of just the here and now. Not a bad thing to do with all the uncertainties in this world.

I am with you OP
It's all of the cyber stuff that gives knowledge but it also can create the wrong outcomes and manipulations

I'm guessing if I had access to the net etc when I was 18, I may have been a different person, actually, I'm sure if it - in my case, I think I'd been more healthy and wealthy - its how you use the info that is around today.

Me and the family dont do sites like Facebook/etc but post on sites like this, money sites, property, fincance, health etc etc and read lots of news and info and DIY stuff

My daughter is 20 and she's the same. It's partly because of TikTok I think. They have many 3 minute episodes of how to do skin and hair routines.

I think it's good that drinking isn't a part of young people and university culture any more.

I was like this as a teenager. I think I wasted my teenage years.

Kids today aren’t like us kids of the 80’s / 90’s / early noughties. We were out hanging around the streets, drinking and smoking by 13. My oldest child (30) did a little of this but more like 15-16 but my 19yr old and almost 16yr old are completely different.

Their generations are really different in my opinion. DS2 didn’t have a girlfriend until 18, had his first drink at a family wedding in Poland age 17, the same time his sister tried her first alcohol age 14 (she had a sip of the toast, hated it, he had some vodka with his cousin and ended up gatecrashing another wedding in the hotel we stayed at and dancing with the bride, so funny). But he doesn’t drink much, even at Uni. Sometimes does some drinking games but only drinks when out, mainly focuses on his studies. DD is completely and utterly absorbed in her studies, GCSE’s in a few months. Not healthy but she won’t take breaks and do fun stuff. Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful they weren’t like my friends and me, but I sometimes think they wont have those memories we have and we are still close. But then again I’d rather they be sensible than grow up like alcohol issues like most of my friends.

True, but with the net, there are many more risks, EG gambling as one sits and watches with the family, anyone could gamble almost anything away

The net is very useful but it needs better control

This makes me feel a million times better about my 5yo growing up! I thought it would only go one way but you've given me hope.

Count yourself lucky! He sounds fab, as do his friendship group.

Having taught teenagers for almost 30 years I can tell you that all of my colleagues and I would say that in general they are far more immature than they used to be. We are mostly holding Covid to blame, (along with helicopter parents) but most of our 18 yo Y13s appear to have the maturity that 15 year olds used to have. They expect to be spoon fed everything and take little responsibility for themselves. There's a real expectation that parents will buy them a car, pay for hair/nails/phone - even kids from poorer families expect to be given money by parents, and provided with name brand articles, There is a level of self entitlement that my generation certainly didn't have. I didn't know anyone whose parents bought them a car, or paid for driving lessons for example.

Talking to other teachers right down to primary school level this seems to run across the board.

What has changed is the drinking culture.

A lot of kids aren't bothered about it. They can take it or leave it. Mostly leave it.

When I was a teen, I used to hang out in a big gang, hanging round shops getting people to buy us booze, then drinking the evening away getting pissed sand snogging boys

My 15yo would think this was so lame. I could not imagine her doing something like that with her friends. They would be like why the eff would we do that??

Pre internet, pre social media, it was a completely different world.

This is what mine are like and I'd take that all day long over getting shitfaced on a street corner.

I have found my parents.

My husband jokes DS is like Saffy from Ab Fab. I am a hangover from ladette 90's culture. Spent my 20's drinking, sleeping with the rugby team and avoiding work by travelling.

DS (19) on the other hand doesn't really drink, smoke or do drugs. He cooks wholesome meals from scratch that and his favourite food appears to be chia seeds. He has a lovely girlfriend he got together with at 18. He's not a virgin but he's no player. They have plans together and he works hard at Uni. They do nice hobbies like climbing and hiking.

It seems that the drinking culture has calmed down some what amongst teenagers. This can only be a good thing. I remember the NHS being pushed to breaking point in the past, with A+E full of pissheads on Friday and Saturday nights. Puking in the high street, getting into fights, getting so drunk they'd pass out. Teenagers now seem to be a bit more sensible, and that can only be a good thing I think.

The drinking thing is very much a new direction I think. there's definitely lots of kids that drink but that whole cool kids "knowing your wines and real ales" kudos seems not to be a thing.
When I grew up the cool 80's kids had a annual celebration of alcohol at every occasion . We had Beaujolais Nouveau day . All of Christmas (obvs) Burns Night Whisky, Australia Day , VB bitter , The 6 nations, Valentines ( pink fizz), St Patricks Guinness and so on.
My son likes a sweet cocktail. He prefers water.

My DD is the same. She is at uni and has a couple of big nights out a month but generally studies hard, hangs out at home with her boyfriend , makes lovely nutritious meals every day, goes to the gym and does all the cleaning/food shopping/washing she needs on a weekly schedule. Her friends and her mostly go out to eat to socialise or go shopping (they are in a city centre so easy to do). She is very happy. I'm glad drinking isn't such a big part of her life. We drank way too much as teens and got ourselves in some awfully dangerous situations. I do feel like she has less fun though - her life is more serious I guess. Might just be her personality!

Oh god mine and their mates aren't like this 😭

20 year old is a big drinker at weekends, her and her mates wouldn't go out to eat but go to raves together.

18 year old is also keen on his pints when he goes out with his mates. They are more likely to go to Nandos rather than McDs but not a restaurant. They go to pubs and football rather than clubs.

However both have PTs and go the gym regularly. Neither at/been to uni but that's not unusual round here.

I find this an odd post… would you rather him be out clubbing, drinking, doing drugs and eating crap? I don’t understand?

Yes! Very true.

Its not that we prefer it but that they are at the age when you are invincible, everyone lives forever and nothing is off limits.
It just seems a bit odd that the trend is for being sensible.

Tik Tok showing 30 second makeup routines hasn't made young people more focussed or less likely to drink and wild party

What's your point? TikTok is a surprisingly efficient way for people to get information on things like skincare. Social media definitely influences popular culture - I don't know how you can argue otherwise?

Whichever way you look at it though, the decline in drinking and partying can only be a good thing.

Very similar here, it's like Eddie and Saffy in this house.

DD is 16 and has been invited to the prom after-party where the Y11 will all be drinking in a field near the school until 4am. She's refusing to go, doesn't want to get involved in that. Worried about the police and her college place being revoked if she gets caught up in it.
I'd have been the first one there at her age with a big bottle of Vodka, some joints and the boy I was seeing that month.

I'm glad she's sensible, her teen years have been much easier than I was expecting (and that I deserve according to my Mum) but I worry that she needs to let go and enjoy herself a bit.

I blame AI 😂😂