Teens growing up too fast - why?

[Pinniy]

My DS is 18, a great kid. At school he’s created himself a solid group of 5 friends, 3 girls and 2 boys.
As a group they all seem remarkably mature!
They all have part time jobs off their own back and don’t seem to engage in normal teenage hobbies.
DS works in a local supermarket 1 evening a week and Sunday afternoons (6-10 and 12-4). Today before work he and his 5 friends met up for “brunch”.
Yesterday they all met up and had a Maths study session for a few of them then went out for dinner. On Friday they met up with a bigger group and went out for dinner, nice place with beer and wine etc.
The all seem really diet conscious, never happy to just go to McDonald’s and lunch is always a carefully crafted meal!!
They hardly ever drink, just at parties which aren’t all that often (just birthdays really).
Ive also noticed he and his friends are all quite strict with each other about studying and sleep.
The girls all have skin care routines and 12 step hair care routines.

When my older DS was the same age (just 7 years ago but pre-Covid)
He did slot more drinking, partying, McDonald’s trips etc. He still got 2 As and a B at A-level so it didn’t impact his results.

AIBU to think all teenagers seem to be maturing much faster these days and to wonder why this is?

My teens are similar.
Baking fancy cupcakes, going out for cheap pasta meals.
No booze, fags and snogging stray boys in bus shelters.
I'm honestly quite impressed with this generation.

Where are all the teen goths?

I dont see any!

As others have said, drinking isn’t such as thing as it was a few years ago (and also smoking). Gen Z seem to be a lot more health conscious, going to the gym rather than out drinking, unlike a lot of millennials. A lot less being in the park at 13/14 years old, drinking white lightning, smoking 20 B&H and getting fingered!

Having been up half of Saturday night looking after DS's mate (who we couldn't take home for various reasons) count yourself lucky yours is one of the sensible ones!

I am sorry for them that their lives are so monitored and restricted. By 20 I had left home, loved in squats and shared houses, travelled to India, and Nepal and across Europe and had about 6 different jobs. Been to loads of raves, festival and free parties all across the country. Was hedonistic and fun. I didn't give a shite about "skin care", was a great way to live. Had loads of boyfriends, and mates from all over the world and so far removed from my boring suburban life it was brilliant. I eventually settled down, a bit got married (to everyone's surprise) and am a very boringly productive member of society but those days were bliss
I now look at my kids and think how the fuck are they going to have any carefree time? Getting a place to live is impossible without a steady job and good income, life is expensive and controlled. You can't work for a few months in a market and earn enough to live in Spain for 5 months. You can't live in a. Shared house for 3 months and the decide to travel to Thailand after working as a waitress for a bit as you'll be too skint.
You can't live your dickhead boyfriend and move in with a mate in Leeds for £50 a month after one phonecall.
It's all regulated and dull. Poor kids.

Same 😔

Generation Internet

it has completely changed the ethos of what's considered an aspirational lifestyle though! which is what people are extrapolating.

My 16yo has not drunk that I know of. Never been to a party.

A few of them may grab a pizza at one of the groups house but that's it. Food tends to be Wagamama or up to London to browse shops and grab something from a street food market.

Her love is live music

My son has been a bit of a mixture.. had his 18th in lockdown so fully made up for it when it was over with raves/drinking/girlfriends. But on the other hand he studied really hard for his exams at school resulting in a really good apprenticeship and at 21 is now a qualified electrician and has brought his own van and works really hard. Also much better with money than I ever was at that age.

I think when your adolescence takes place during a time of safety you look for risks in your personal life- sex, booze, drugs etc.

When everyday life feels risky, you don’t need to take so many risks yourself. These kids have grown up during austerity, Covid, cost of living crisis and now people discussing WW3. I’m not surprised that they want a bit of safety and comfort in their leisure time.

Hiya! Im a year older than your son and i feel like i might kinda understand why this is happening. During covid our age range kinda fell into two different boxes, those of us who saw it as homeschool and those of us who saw it as a extra long summer break. Unfortunately im in the latter lol. Ive seen this with pretty much everyone i grew up with recently, those of us who took the covid work seriously were still in the habit of working super hard in college and those of us who didnt, ended up doing basically enough to pass but focusing more on clubbing, maccies etc. I personally think it comes down to wether the lockdown scared them about the prospect about losing grades or scared them about the prospect of losing a social life and its just carried on a bit into how we interact with life. I cant speak on behalf of your son but ive spoken about this with my siblings and classmates and we all seemed to fit into one of the two boxes

Sorry but are you actually saying the 80’s and 90’s was safer!! 😁. We had the very real threat of nuclear war, the actual Falklands war, the AID’s epidemic and then mad cow disease later on. We had expensive interest rates ( so no easy credit then) and the crash in the early nineties. Casual violence was everywhere from Brixton riots to football hooligan gangs to fights between schools. You could expect to be made fun off it you were black, brown, gay, special needs, disabled, Irish, red haired and that was on just on TV let alone in the real world.
The difference was it was never dull.

Yes. I was a teen in the 90s and the world felt hopeful and positive. I don’t think that’s how it feels to teenagers now, at all. For people my age, you could reasonably hope to be as well off as your parents, which is not true for the majority now. We were never locked down for months at a time. We didn’t have social media either. And casual violence hasn’t ended, I’m sad to say.

I’m really glad I was a teen in the 90s. I think we had it better than teens today in almost every way. I have very little time for old people who sneer at young people.

Me too! And they are in no rush to get into a relationship no matter what, either.

I didn't party or go drinking or anything like that as a teen (1980s). It wasn't my personality. I did a little bit of clubbing at uni but didn't particularly enjoy it.
There seem to be plenty of kids who still do the party/drug/drinking/clubbing stuff. Personally I'm much happier my daughter is a homebody - wasn't much fun picking my son up half passed out on the street, getting a phone call from the school about yet another detention, collecting him from parties at whatever hour, worrying about who he was hanging out with.
As long as your teen is content why overthink it?

That’s an interesting perspective Sazzahera I guess there’s always been the responsible types and the less responsible types but perhaps Covid exaggerated it

I worry that all these very responsible teens are going to hit a mid life crisis in their late 20s. They will have done the grown up thing to death and be bored of it by then.

I was a responsible teen - luckily let my hair down a fair bit at uni but still feel I could have done with a few more irresponsible years before settling down.

Tbh I think it’s entirely personality driven.

I have three at Uni atm.

One tee-total, beyond sensible, has to be reminded that studying isn’t the sole activity of life.

One absolute party animal. Her group of friends could easily have fitted in in the 90s when I went. Thankfully they are very very good at looking out for each other.

The other is a moderate mix of both. A good bit of study, a good bit of partying, a PT job and park runs as a hobby.

I worry the least about the third one as I think the healthiest life is one with a good balance of everything.

Well I’m on a different planet!
My youngest is Y10 and there’s a massive binge drinking culture among a sizeable proportion of her peers - she reckons about 60 at least out of a year of 300 are hard core getting absolutely hammered at parties. I’ve picked her up from several, and seen it myself - teens vomiting in the street outside. Last party she was at, two girls ended up in alcohol with alcohol poisoning.
So that’s both the last party she was at - and the last one she’s going to be at!
It’s awful. Gradually people like my daughter are falling away from the parties because they actually don’t want that (she’s not fighting me when I said I don’t want her going again) but there’s still a good number from her year going.

@MrsTingly interesting. You forget that we teens in the 90’s had parents that would be relatively poor by todays standards. It was always going to be easier to be better off than them. Todays kids can expect the same standard of living as we had growing up if not actually better.
I think todays youth have many more opportunities to be as rich as their parents actually. Many sectors actually pay well in comparison to the 90’s. Literally anyone can use social media to promote anything and make money. Houses are expensive but young people expect to live at home to save or have a bit of parental help and the fact that more jobs can be done remotely helps.
It’s not sneering to wonder why they aren’t risk taking in the way previous generations did. And rather that than feeling sorry for a generation that’s had it pretty comfortable actually.

Also clubs and pubs are now properly strict on id. In our day we used to go out out from 16. Now unless you’ve got real id forget it.

Mine have the balance right to be fair. They do what ops teen does but do also go to clubs and parties dd1 not until 6th form though dd2 15 is in the popular party set so has a livelier time.

I know it's not intended but this feels like a stealth boast.
I can confirm that a lot of 18 yo don't live as sensibly as yours.

Anecdotally ops description is very common round here and fits most teens I know my friends teens etc

He sounds like he has a particularly sensible/focused group of friends. My DS’s were far more beer-based at this age, though still all mostly managed A/A* so must have squeezed in some studying as well.

Pubs are much stricter now though than when I was young. Your DS is 18, but are all of his friends? My DS seemed to all have friends born in the early part of the autumn term so didn’t have to wait for anyone to turn 18 so they weren’t left out

Interesting point

Yep my two are like this. To be honest I find them a little dull. All this staying in cooking nice meals, visiting restaurants and being healthy is so different to what I was like at that age. You only get one go at this. I go out more than my young adults. I stay out later and I certainly drink more and I’m not a big drinker. But as a parent I would rather it was this way. It’s easier to handle.