To think this is really rude?

[samedad]

I have two children, they look a little different but similar enough to know they're siblings. One like me and one more like my partner, I get asked at least once a week if my kids have the same dad. I don't know if I'm really sensitive or if this if f'ing rude?!

It's a bit intrusive but I'm not sure I would find it rude per se.
Not a question I would ask someone

Not a question I'd ask but certainly wouldn't find it rude if someone asked it about my two.

Who the eff keeps asking? They sound like my two, I never get asked. It's just weird.

YANBU but people are odd. A woman once came to me at toddler group and just said, your three children look really different. I didn't mind, I'm their childminder not their mum 😂

At the playgroup we go to, also been asked in the supermarket by a complete stranger. It just shocks me I suppose but having heard it so many times I'm now finding it really grating.

I get asked all the time - eldest is 33 and youngest is 9 with some inbetween- I don't find it as rude as whether they were all planned... (they do all have the same dad and were all planned 😂)

It's rude and nosey.

To shut them up: 'Nah, he/she is the milkman's and he/she is the plumber's. I've got my eye on the binman for next time - I'd love some twins and I hear they run in his family'.

@Dragot that is so rude, I wonder what people gain from such intrusive questions.

@Wasbedeudetetdas that's brilliant, definitely going to use that.

When a woman asked at playgroup and then followed up with a 'are you sure?' I answered yep pretty sure I was there both times, same bloke. She was quite flustered, but I'm starting to lose any politeness.

Until I had my kids I’d have thought the same. I’m mixed race, DH is white but olive toned skin.

One child looks like he’s Mediterranean, the other is pale AF with blond hair and blue eyes.

I’d honestly wonder where the younger came from if he hadn’t left my side at the hospital.

I think genuine curiosity can seem rude and whilst I might not ask I’m not offended when people ask me.

I think it's weird. I've never been asked that. Mind you, my kids look very different from one another except everyone says they all look like their Dad - just because he's Asian and they are a bit brown. In fact, one looks a lot like my mum and another a lot like me. One does look a bit like his Dad but it's just a bit racist to say they all look like their Dad just because their skin is a bit darker than mine (there is a range of skin tone and none are as dark as him either).

How Rude!

I've never been asked and have certainly never asked anyone , would never think to ask ! Just make a noise of disgust like urrgh and walk away I just wouldn't indulge them .

Just say you're not sure but are waiting on 15 DNA test results.

You real don't need to be polite. Rude or not, it's none of their business. Call them out on it.

When my ds was at primary I had mentioned dh wasn't his df... Someone asked if I was sure because they do look alike!!

It's really rude.

Really? I'm surprised people are asking. I'd ask if they meant to be rude and walk off.

Reminds me when tennis player Pat Cash was being chased by the media about allegedly sleeping with a particular woman (of many!).
Reporter: So Pat, did you sleep with Chardonnay-Mae-Rose?
Cash: probably, yeah.

People are so rude. My two are mixed race Asian / White, and DS is as dark as his dad, and darker than his cousin who has two Asian parents, whereas DD is as pale as me (but she has low iron, she’s not always been as pale as she is, but she’s always been much lighter complexion that her brother) and has blue eyes which is quite unusual for someone mixed race. People regularly ask me what DS’s heritage is but never DD. No-one has ever asked me if they have the same dad, that’s pretty rude. What’s wrong with these people? Seriously

When I (blonde female) first moved to my house with my blonde child, my neighbour asked if my dark haired partner was my child's dad.
I answered, with a straight face..."I'm not sure who their dad is, but I've ruled out all of the black guys"
Sometimes when they come looking for it just give it to them...

I find this really interesting and would love to have loads of kids to see if they look the same or take after different people. DP and I have totally different colourings and in my family there are two distinct looks and colourings. We have one DD who is smack bang in the middle of us (literally like mixed paint for eyes, skin and hair) but you can tell she is both of ours somehow.

However, I wouldn't dream of discussing with or asking someone I didn't know well and I wouldn't assume there were different men etc, I'd be asking about family trees and who looks like what.

You must live near a lot of people with no filters so feel free to take the piss out of them with your answer or be blunt.

I'd never ask this because I wouldn't be interested in the answer but having thought about it, I'm struggling to pinpoint exactly what is rude about it. Can someone explain? What subtext is there that is causing offence?

I get asked too as I have a 17, 15 and 3 year old. Used to annoy me but I suppose natural with the age gap (they do all have the same dad but DC3 was a surprise).
It's weird if they are close in age.

My sister and I have completely different colouring and hair colour and have been asked many times by near strangers if we have the same Dad (we have the same Mum and Dad).

Two things I always think about this. 1) No one ever asks if we have the same Mum, it’s always Dad and 2) we’re 14 months apart in age so Mum would have had to be a quick worker 😂