To think this is really rude?

[samedad]

I have two children, they look a little different but similar enough to know they're siblings. One like me and one more like my partner, I get asked at least once a week if my kids have the same dad. I don't know if I'm really sensitive or if this if f'ing rude?!

Dd1 favours dhs side has dark curley hair. Her 3 younger siblings are more of a mix and when younger were all blonde.

I lost count of the amount of times I was asked if she has a different dad to the others or if she was mine .

Strangers asking for personal information on a child's parentage , therefore asking about your personal relationships is very rude .

I agree, it is rude, who says that out loud even if they're wondering?!

My sister and I have completely different colouring, body shape, everything. At school teachers would regularly assume we were stepsister or half-sister, without ever checking, it used to really annoy me. I don't know if my mum used to get asked if we had the same dad though.

@Hillrunning I think for me it's invasive, I don't feel it's anyone's business to know my sexual history. Also just generally it feels a bit gossipy to me. My eldest is of an age where they get a bit confused if they're about when asked too.

Very rude! What is wrong with people?!

I think this is extremely rude. Not that there is anything wrong with either answer - yes same dad or no- but your children are your family. WTAF has it got to do with anyone else?

I can't believe how many people have been asked questions about their children's heritage or skin colour.

Maybe I'm odd but I've never looked at a child and their caretaker and thought I wonder what relation they have, I should go and ask.

Oh you have to bite back with these people.

You look at them and say that's a very strange question to ask me. Why do you need to know that?
Or
Why would you think that is an appropriate question to ask a stranger

Re the are you sure
What a strange thing to say. What are you implying here?

I was once asked if my identical twins had the same dad. I’ve also been asked if I’m an cm ans I had 3 dc. People are idiots.

@PinkflowersWhiteBerries totally agree nothing wrong with either answer, just I've never experienced anything like it. Any family I've told have laughed and not quite believed it, until my mum was at playgroup and someone asked me. She was so shocked, I then told a friend today and she said she wouldn't think twice of asking someone.

@IncompleteSenten she tilted her head to the side as she said it, it was such a strange encounter. Reminded me of being a child and clearly lying about not eating chocolate with it around my mouth or something. She then was pearl clutching when I answered

It's so extremely rude it's incomprehensible. People who ask the question are clearly nosey, mannerless gits.

I'd humour them each and single time. "No, we don't know who is tbh, we came home from holiday X years ago and found both kids in the living room and that was that."

What an extraordinary question to ask anyone.

Of course it’s rude

Buzarre! I can't imagine anybody asking that question 😳

My instinct is that it's rude, but I suppose the thing is that it is now so common and normalized for families to have multiple parents, it makes sense that people don't feel that this is intrusive.

It is so rude. I remember being asked at the GP surgery with my 6 week old, such an odd question to ask out loud.

Really rude - use those less than polite replies if this is getting to you!

This question would never come from a good place. "Are you sure?" even less so!

People ask me rude questions all the time, though not about this, (I have no kids, another topic where people delight in invasive questioning!). I've taken to just bluntly saying "what an odd question to ask someone...", which doesn't go down well but at least it bats the discomfort back.

Yep, very rude. Implies a sense of entitlement to your personal information. They want to know, therefore you must divulge personal information.

I was asked if my second was planned, which I also thought was rather rude. Oldest was almost 2 at the time, we were married and buying a house, seemed like a pretty standard move to have another one. Only thing I can think of was that it was during COVID, but that wasn't mentioned at all.

Don't humour it, make it clear it's inappropriate. Or be cryptic/ bat it back "Are you sure your dad is really your dad??"

I think there are medical reasons why this information might be relevant. I know I was asked if my husband was the dad in the first pregnancy and whether both kids had the same dad in the second. They were very apologetic though, not sure why. Maybe they've had bad reactions to it previously.

It is rude.

I think the pandemic has really damaged people’s social skills.

At a junior park run recently my partner and I were approached my another parent, who started chatting at us. How many do you have running was asked, the response was “4 between us”…”you need a tv” was the response. I actually said “I didn’t think people said that in real life”, all easy breezy. Further chat made it very obvious we’re a blended family. But not before they’d introduced us to a friend who commented “oh wow, you don’t hear that much these days”.

That first judgy twat then revealed themselves to be a social worker 😑

I’m dark skinned and dh is white, our first dc is fair just like he is and with blue eyes, second 2 are dark like me with dark features.
When I just had the first 2 I took them swimming. Lady selling the tickets asked me if they had the same dad. I was gobsmacked and just said I think you’re supposed to be selling me tickets for swimming not prying into my family set up. I was quite rude really but I felt she was just being so fucking nosey.
It’s happened to me many times over the years and I now don’t even respond if I think someone’s being a nosey bint rather than simply commenting on their different appearances if they know they are all mine and dh’s dc.

My dm worked in a nursing home where 2 ladies lived. Their husbands would visit daily and although friends since childhood, were iften asked if they were brothers, they were so alike.
Chatting to my DM one said 'yeah, we've not worked out which one of our dads was playing away', my DM said possibly neither, confused look on mens faces, so DM explained that maybe 'both mams had been playing away with an unknown man'. Silence for a short while before loud laughter and both men admitted that had NEVER ever crossed their mind!
BTW me and Siblings are all completely different blond ginger brown dk brown hair, green. Blue dk brown eyes, 5'2, 5'5 , 6'1, but we all have some characteristics from parents.

Very rude. Absolutely not their business.