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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I clear DHs debt with savings or take another card out for him to keep paying it back so he takes full responsibility for his mistake?

37 replies

Hazlenutlatte · 04/02/2024 20:17

DH has a credit card with £4.5k on it though it's in my name as my credit rating is a lot better than DHs, though so far he has made all payments towards it. It was a balance transfer at 0% for 18 month, DH has only managed to get it down for £4.5k from £7k during that term. I have been on maternity leave so have been unable to save anything to put towards it, I returned to work a few months ago.
There is no question that this is DHs debt, not mine. Long story short, he made a poor business decision that backfired massively and I took out the balance transfer card for him as he was paying over £100 a month in interest alone and he couldn't get one himself.

I earn a lot more than DH and now that I have returned to work I have been able to save some money. Maternity leave ate all our savings so I went back with very little left over.
However, I am projected to have saved £4000 by the time the 0% period comes to an end in April. DH should be able to cover the last £500 himself and it would clear the debt. I could then concentrate on starting to save up for us again.

DH works very hard and we split bills proportional to our income. But despite paying a lot more towards our bills, I still end up with more 'spare money' than DH does which we don't split, we just put in savings and they are for the family but technically, it's my money.
It's a bit of a bone of contention that we don't just split money all from one pot but DH is self employed, in a partnership and doesn't have a business bank account so it's very hard to work out exactly what is his money and what is the business' money so it has been his choice to agree what he needs to contribute towards family bills but otherwise keep our finances separate even though he'd definitely have more disposable income for himself if we split it but there we are. So I have saved this money but I do consider it 'our' money.

I don't want to take out another 0% balance transfer card as honestly it just irritates me being in my name and sat there every time I open my banking app reminding me what a mess DH let himself get into before he told me how deep he'd got himself. But he simply cannot afford to clear it himself and I can. I also doubt DHs credit rating is good enough to take out such a high card on a long term 0% deal now either. So if we did do this, it would still have to be in my name.

Do I just suck it up and pay it off and be done with it or do I take out another card and let DH keep paying it back, incredibly slowly.

I'm annoyed at DH no end but really want to be clear; he is a good man, a good dad and a good husband. He works very hard and pays what he can and earns enough that his contribution to our family finances does contribute to our quality of life. He just made a bad mistake and got overwhelmed by it. He didn't tell me what was happening because I was pregnant and very unwell in pregnancy and he was hoping he could sort it before he had to worry me, this didn't happen obviously. So please no 'LTB'. Just genuinely, what should I do? Pay it off with our savings or let DH keep paying slowly on another card in my name?

OP posts:

Riverlee · 04/02/2024 20:20

I think dh has done quite well to get it down from £7k to £4.5k, so that’s £2.5 paid off.

Could you pay it off and dh pays you? Maybe set up a standing order to pay you directly each month.

FloydWasACat · 04/02/2024 20:22

Pay it off and draw a line under. With the reminder of not to make silly financial decisions without discussing them. I get you OP, I really do but this could end up in bitterness and I don't think either of you want that.

fost · 04/02/2024 20:22

Whichever option annoys you the least.

I'd likely go for the extra card so he can clearly see his debt and carry on paying it down rather than thinking of it as all over and done with and perhaps doing something similar again, but if seeing it in your banking app pisses you off, then use savings to pay it off.

In the end it makes very little difference, either you'll have the money in savings or available credit on the card if you need it for an emergency, the only difference is the small amount of interest you'll gain if you keep the 4k in savings and have the debt on a 0% deal.

GOODCAT · 04/02/2024 20:23

You pay it off and he pays you

PinkFrogss · 04/02/2024 20:24

What was it actually spent on?

Your finances sound very confusing.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 04/02/2024 20:25

I would only consider clearing it if:

he opens a seperate business a/c
pays himself a regular wage from the business (he can always take a dividend or bonus if he makes more but he needs to establishbs minimum viable salary)
he understands it's once only

Quitelikeit · 04/02/2024 20:25

Pay it off.

Why would you ask on here if you should pay his debt off?

PussInBin20 · 04/02/2024 20:26

I would pay it off and not have to worry about it further but would make sure he knew you wouldn’t be impressed if he did it again.

Noicant · 04/02/2024 20:26

I would pay it off and draw a line under it too. If someone is a fundamentally decent human being who made a stupid mistake and you love them then yes of course you should step in rather than admonishing them. I’ve made mistakes, Dh has made mistakes, thats life. We try to learn and not do it again.

If you can help and you don’t then I think it could be really damaging, plus how would you want to be treated if you were in his shoes. Reciprocal empathy and sharing is really important in a marriage imo.

AutumnFroglets · 04/02/2024 20:27

He gets his own card. He pays it off. He still seems financially irresponsible and no lesson has been learnt unfortunately.

Keep your finances seperate otherwise he will continue to pull you down too but one of you needs to ensure the baby has a roof over it's head.

EDIT - DH is self employed, in a partnership and doesn't have a business bank account so it's very hard to work out exactly what is his money and what is the business' money

I would find the above to be extremely concerning tbh.

Niegenug · 04/02/2024 20:28

I also think,it would be best to just use your savings to pay off the rest of the debt. Then to forget about it. With the issue around you having more spare money than him, to then ask him to repay you will likely breed resentment in the long run.

So clear it and start afresh. Just remind him that you won't be bailing him out again if he runs up credit card debt that you are not ware of/haven't jointly agreed.

Nopicplease · 04/02/2024 20:29

I think if the balance is on a 0% card and you're earning interest on the savings, you should probably take out a new card and keep your savings.

Cherryana · 04/02/2024 20:29

I think you have a few things to do. I think pay it off, draw a line and then:

Separate your husbands business finances from your home finances. This credit card issue seems from your post to be a business expense.
Consider a different approach to your home finances so what you have together is both your money regardless of who put more in. So it’s not ‘you’ who is clearing the debt but your joint savings.

Limenlemon · 04/02/2024 20:31

Debt can cause all sorts of emotions, he's done well to get it down.

I think it depends on your outlook. In our marriage, any money/related issues are 'ours' which includes income, savings and any debt. Some marriages still have separate finances, others somewhere in the middle. So it has to work for you.

They quicker it is cleared the better the combined finances for the household could be, especially as the cause of the debt seems to be a one off bad situation that (with your help) he has committed within his means to try and fix.

Plus, the interest you're paying on the card could be more than you're earning on the savings, so there's that to take into consideration too.

Autumn1990 · 04/02/2024 20:32

Banks used to charge and many still do for business bank accounts but starling and a few others don’t. Or he could just open another personal account and use that for the business. It would make the accounting much easier

Tinkerbyebye · 04/02/2024 20:32

I would take another card out, work out how much he needs to pay to clear it in the time and keep the savings

otherwise he won’t learn

Biffbaff · 04/02/2024 20:32

Ideally (if this were me), he would open a 0% interest card, do a balance transfer and continue paying it off. His responsibility.

But if it has to be in your name and that's going to be a hassle, just pay it off and be done with it. Then it can be in the past and you can save towards something fun again.

I think you have both done well to have managed the situation so far so hats off to you both!

TeenLifeMum · 04/02/2024 20:35

I’d want him to get a 0% interest card in his name then invest your 4k as it’ll earn interest.

SD1978 · 04/02/2024 20:37

It needs to be cleared, the debt is in your name, not his, so doesn't actually matter if it's in his name, it belongs to you on paper. Is this/ has this been a one off? If so I'd pay it, it's a bit disappointing though (or would be to me) that despite 'saving' £100 a month in the interest alone, in 18months he's only paid down £2500, and only anticipates paying off £500 more of it between now and the end of the interest free period. I'd lay so the interest doesn't start accruing again, but would also be very clear that (in my own mind, if not verbally too) that it's only a one time deal.

Likemyjealouseel · 04/02/2024 20:37

I would pay it off as a gift on the condition that he first set up his business finances properly. I’m self-employed and have a variable income, and some months no income, but I wouldn’t let this affect my family.

ArchetypalBusyMum · 04/02/2024 20:38

FloydWasACat · 04/02/2024 20:22

Well said.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 04/02/2024 22:21

I would pay it off. And maybe ask him to start saving to pay you back when he can.

TeaKitten · 04/02/2024 22:27

He’s clearly committed to getting it down which is good, he’s human and made a mistake. If you are committed to this relationship I’d pay it off and draw a line under it, why drag it out otherwise.

Changingplace · 04/02/2024 22:33

I’d take out another 0% and he keeps paying it off, he’s chipping away at it, he’s not run it up on random spends, anyone can make a mistake and tbh I think you’re being a bit harsh.

I’d be more concerned about his general business finances and inability to tell what moneys his or not, that’s a weird set up.

Mitherations · 04/02/2024 22:42

Pay it off if that's what will cause you less stress, on the proviso he arranges his finances in a way that is fully transparent and can demonstrate that he knows what's what, with immediate effect.

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