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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I clear DHs debt with savings or take another card out for him to keep paying it back so he takes full responsibility for his mistake?

37 replies

Hazlenutlatte · 04/02/2024 20:17

DH has a credit card with £4.5k on it though it's in my name as my credit rating is a lot better than DHs, though so far he has made all payments towards it. It was a balance transfer at 0% for 18 month, DH has only managed to get it down for £4.5k from £7k during that term. I have been on maternity leave so have been unable to save anything to put towards it, I returned to work a few months ago.
There is no question that this is DHs debt, not mine. Long story short, he made a poor business decision that backfired massively and I took out the balance transfer card for him as he was paying over £100 a month in interest alone and he couldn't get one himself.

I earn a lot more than DH and now that I have returned to work I have been able to save some money. Maternity leave ate all our savings so I went back with very little left over.
However, I am projected to have saved £4000 by the time the 0% period comes to an end in April. DH should be able to cover the last £500 himself and it would clear the debt. I could then concentrate on starting to save up for us again.

DH works very hard and we split bills proportional to our income. But despite paying a lot more towards our bills, I still end up with more 'spare money' than DH does which we don't split, we just put in savings and they are for the family but technically, it's my money.
It's a bit of a bone of contention that we don't just split money all from one pot but DH is self employed, in a partnership and doesn't have a business bank account so it's very hard to work out exactly what is his money and what is the business' money so it has been his choice to agree what he needs to contribute towards family bills but otherwise keep our finances separate even though he'd definitely have more disposable income for himself if we split it but there we are. So I have saved this money but I do consider it 'our' money.

I don't want to take out another 0% balance transfer card as honestly it just irritates me being in my name and sat there every time I open my banking app reminding me what a mess DH let himself get into before he told me how deep he'd got himself. But he simply cannot afford to clear it himself and I can. I also doubt DHs credit rating is good enough to take out such a high card on a long term 0% deal now either. So if we did do this, it would still have to be in my name.

Do I just suck it up and pay it off and be done with it or do I take out another card and let DH keep paying it back, incredibly slowly.

I'm annoyed at DH no end but really want to be clear; he is a good man, a good dad and a good husband. He works very hard and pays what he can and earns enough that his contribution to our family finances does contribute to our quality of life. He just made a bad mistake and got overwhelmed by it. He didn't tell me what was happening because I was pregnant and very unwell in pregnancy and he was hoping he could sort it before he had to worry me, this didn't happen obviously. So please no 'LTB'. Just genuinely, what should I do? Pay it off with our savings or let DH keep paying slowly on another card in my name?

OP posts:
VelvetandLace · 04/02/2024 22:44

I would just pay it off OP, and get him to open a separate bank account for his personal spending.

Cornishclio · 04/02/2024 22:50

Normally it is not recommended that spouses take on their partners debt but effectively you have already done that by taking out a card in your name. However if it is 0% then it is not the worst idea to keep the debt going by balance transferring in April until he can pay it off in full. If he has paid off £2500 already then that indicates it will be another few years until it is gone. If you pay it off I would want evidence he has addressed his business finance arrangements and would definitely not be bailing him out again.

NoSquirrels · 04/02/2024 22:54

Pay it off with savings. It’s a debt in your name so get rid of it.

Separately your DH owes the money to you. Up to you if you ask him to keep paying it back to you.

Get him to open a secondary personal back account which is not mixed up with his business expenses. He should pay himself an allowance (wage) into that account which you then budget jointly.

GirlMum40 · 04/02/2024 22:57

I've been in your husbands position (I'm just terrible with money anyway!)
He paid mine off and I have a standing order to him every month for a manageable amount. I also add a bit extra in interest to cover what he would have earned on it if it had been in an ISA (not much!!.. certainly nowhere near a credit cards interest rate!)

We split the bills and mortgage and any left over is our own. He tends to be very sensible with his leftover money and I am not!

maggiecate · 04/02/2024 23:03

If you can get another 0% card transfer the balance and he keeps paying it off. Put your savings somewhere they can earn interest. If you can’t find a balance transfer card pay it off and he repays you.

WombatStewForTea · 04/02/2024 23:10

How much is he paying off each month?
Surely if he's paid off 2.5k so far (in a year? Not sure if that's correct but going off you saying while you were on mat leave) then he'll have paid off another chunk in the next 2 months

Terrrence · 04/02/2024 23:15

It makes no sense to have £4000 on savings whilst having £4500 on a credit card unless the debt is at 0% interest. There aren't really any savings as they are owed to someone else. I would definitely pay your debt off as soon as possible.

RedHelenB · 04/02/2024 23:19

Surely when you're married amd have children all money is joint anyway. And clearing debt should be a priority

Foxyaus · 04/02/2024 23:29

Get yourself a copy of the book Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsay.
He's an American and it has a slight Christian content but it will change your financial life for the better.
If you both follow the process, it is a life and marriage saver.

Malarandras · 04/02/2024 23:32

It’s your credit card so it’s your debt as far as whoever gave you the card is concerned. If he ups and leaves, or worse, then you are responsible for this debt not him. So pay it off as soon as possible.

PickAChew · 04/02/2024 23:36

He needs to start keeping track of his money!

If you can do the interest free shuffle on this card, then fair enough but you can't bail him out indefinitely with him having no idea about his own finances.

stitchy · 04/02/2024 23:42

If he's not great with money then financial dealings need to be as simple as possible so he knows where he is up to. First thing is to get a business bank account, there are loads out there that have features to make business banking as straight forward as possible. It's crazy not to do this, running a business is hard enough without muddying personal and business transactions

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