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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stag/ hen do ... no wedding invite

62 replies

jimjack · 04/02/2024 19:57

Just wondering ... invited to stag/ hen do, but no wedding invite. All other friends invited to wedding... what are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Awrite · 04/02/2024 20:18

My dh was invited to a few stag dos (before we got together) and didn't mind not being invited to the wedding.

I wouldn't go on a hen do without being invited to the wedding. Anything to get me out of it mind.

Have you actually asked if they have made a mistake?

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 04/02/2024 20:29

Depends on what the hen/stag was, and if I wasn't invited to the wedding at all, or just not to the day.

I went on a hen a few years ago - weekend city break, and although I'm friends with the bride, I'd say we are only friends due to friends in common.

I assumed I'd get an evening invite, so was quite surprised to receive whole day after the hen.

I think I'd be put out not to get an invite at all in that situation.

If it was just a night on the town, I'd not expect an invite.

TeenLifeMum · 04/02/2024 20:32

I have this situation. I think only 3 of the group of 12 are going to the actual small wedding… but if the reality is more than that then I’ll be hurt (more than I already feel). I guess I’ve been able to see how I’m viewed and can reassess the time I give to these people.

WandaWonder · 04/02/2024 20:38

It happens and as long as everyone is in it I would be fine like a work hen sort of excuse to have a put of work event

So to me it is not a 100% yes or no thing

If I was invited and wanted to go I would happily go if not I wouldn't but I would think no more about it

MaggieFS · 04/02/2024 20:43

Have the stag and hen already taken place?

PhoenixStarbeamer · 04/02/2024 21:51

So rude. I once got invited to an engagement party and took a nice gift. Whilst there, after speaking to other guests, I realised everything was already planned and I wasn't invited to the hen party or the actual wedding. Was so awkward. I felt like a complete loser. Don't know why she invited me to the engagement party.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2024 21:53

PhoenixStarbeamer · 04/02/2024 21:51

So rude. I once got invited to an engagement party and took a nice gift. Whilst there, after speaking to other guests, I realised everything was already planned and I wasn't invited to the hen party or the actual wedding. Was so awkward. I felt like a complete loser. Don't know why she invited me to the engagement party.

Read your second sentence. That's why.

ZenNudist · 04/02/2024 21:56

Rude. Clarify if invite missing and if no invite, decline stag. Say you'd have liked to come but it's really for wedding guests not any old randomer.

Flamingos89 · 04/02/2024 21:56

NOPE

Wexone · 04/02/2024 21:58

No no no such a rude thing. have you gone to the hen party all ready ?
it's not the done thing

CaramelMac · 04/02/2024 22:07

I was once invited to a hen weekend when I’d just started a new job purely because the other women in the office were going, they’d all been friends since school (small town!)

I just went because it sounded like a fun weekend, I definitely didn’t expect to be invited to the wedding, but the bride insisted I go to the wedding, she said she couldn’t possibly invite me to the hen and not the wedding, I wouldn’t have been bothered in those circumstances, but if you’re actually friends then I think it’s really rude!

waterrat · 04/02/2024 22:09

Totally poor ettiquette from the bride or whoever organising. I've known this happen and it was v awkward and uncomfortable.

The whole point of a hen do is it's preparation for the wedding.

helpnohelpno · 04/02/2024 22:21

A night round town anyone's invited, I wouldn't expect to be included in the wedding necessarily. A hen do abroad I absolutely would.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2024 23:19

I'd reply and be honest "sorry, will feel a bit weird if I'm the only one not invited to the wedding but I hope you have a lovely time"

MidnightSerenader · 04/02/2024 23:28

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2024 21:53

Read your second sentence. That's why.

Show quote history

Hmm, not really.

That explains why she wasn’t invited to the hen do or the wedding. Doesn’t explain why she was invited to the engagement party.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2024 23:31

MidnightSerenader · 04/02/2024 23:28

Hmm, not really.

That explains why she wasn’t invited to the hen do or the wedding. Doesn’t explain why she was invited to the engagement party.

Show quote history

The gift.

MidnightSerenader · 04/02/2024 23:35

Ah thanks!

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2024 23:44

Thanks @SleepingStandingUp exactly!

Gagaandgag · 04/02/2024 23:45

Almost like you’re just there to make up numbers. So rude. Sorry op 🥲

PieAndLattes · 04/02/2024 23:53

Let me guess. They want to hire a country house/villa in Ibiza/swish apartment in Prague and need someone to help pay for it?

Tattletwat · 04/02/2024 23:53

I don't know why people are eso obsessed with going to weddings,hen dos im quite happy with neither.

Sidehustlequestion · 04/02/2024 23:54

I have a few friends invited to my hen who are evening only guests at the wedding. We are very tight for numbers with large families and costs for catering being so expensive. I’d love to have everyone there for the full day but simply can’t afford to. However, I have nobody invited to the hen that isn’t invited at all!

Colinorpercy · 05/02/2024 00:01

I think if the wedding was to be very small then I could understand it. But not if there’s a big party with lots of people. People tend to chat about the wedding at the hen/stag do so a bit awkward if the invites are already out and you haven’t got one!

Boomboom22 · 05/02/2024 00:04

I do feel hen / stag should be full guests not just evening unless the ceremony is literally 6 people.

NewName24 · 05/02/2024 00:20

Given the regularity that this is asked on MN, it clearly is a thing.

I'm with those saying it wouldn't bother me at all.
If it were a night / weekend that I could afford and wanted to go on, then I'd go, and if it weren't then I wouldn't. That would also be my response if I were invited to the wedding.

I don't think it is as unusual (or even 'rude') as some of the replies are suggesting to invite everyone in "the crowd" if you are going on a night out.

I know even back when I got married many years ago, the girls from work all wanted to arrange a night out (with me wearing a hat / sash) as a "hen do" to celebrate, even though only a couple of people I was much closer to were invited to the wedding.
I know ds has been to a couple of "stag nights" where someone on his football team has been getting married. He wouldn't expect anyone to be able to invite the whole squad (let alone squad plus partners) to their wedding, but it is still nice to have a 'lads night / weekend' when one of them is getting married.

I can't see how anyone can consider that 'rude'.
After all, it is an invitation. If you are holding on to some made up code, then you can always say no to the stag / hen if it doesn't fit with your values.