How do you have a close male friend without it being weird?

[Boooooooooo]

I appreciate having male friends but it just doesn't always seem to go that way.
There was one guy, we got on really well, loads in common, really clicked etc. from work, it was just friendly and there was no suggestion of it being otherwise.
We hung out one afternoon at a park and coffee and it was cool.
Then I said to him it'd be great to hang out one day see a film or do something else cool, and it was like a flip switched in his mind.
It was literally just a suggestion, there was no innuendo or flirting.
I don't think I gave any indication I may have liked him.
We ended up talking again and we're still mates and colleagues but he'll only do coffee or drinks with me. I was gonna suggest going on a hike or going to play badminton or something but not sure how he'd take it.
Shame really as we talk loads but it's fair enough, whereas with a female the above would not be an issue.
It might be as we work together but as I say he will see me out of work but only for drinks.
Is this what it's like with male friends? I honestly don't have many sadly

I'd be up for going for food, film, gig, anything I'd do with a female. It's not like I've invited him to mine or come onto him, it's literally friends only. Maybe it's just him overthinking.

Is he single? Also (sorry) you're coming across a bit full on in those posts tbh. If someone doesn't do stuff with enthusiasm, you kind of have to take the hint. Maybe chill a bit and see what happens?

Yeah he's single.
I totally saw how it would be full on, but I literally suggested it once to him then left it there. I didn't even ask him again after that.
It's actually mainly him that talks to me and he's asking me to hang out but it's limited.
I am only looking for friendship but maybe it's not that straightforward.

It's just that my female close friend at work will think nothing of inviting me to the cinema, for food etc. and naturally I wouldn't question it any further.

Again, very gently, but you're coming on very strong here. If he's not bothered, let him off. The right one won't mess around with you like that.

I don't have male friends, it's not worth the hassle and I have never seen it work well.
I had a male friend at work a few years ago, as in we hung out there and had lunch together, but despite both being married there was definitely an undercurrent and we could never have gone out as friends and done things like cinemas, it would have been weird.

I don't think I've come on strongly to him, I made the hanging out suggestion once only, and when he didn't seem keen I didn't bother again, until he did.
I'm just thinking about other potential male platonic friends in the future and if they'd be open to it. I just didn't think it'd be any different than with a female friend if it's only platonic between you.

You have a close male friend like you have a close female friend. You meet someone and get on with them to the point you become close friends. It happens by itself, there's no strategy for it, and you can't just decide you want one, pick someone and make it happen. In the case of your friend, it didn't happen, because he appears to have backed off from you. There will likely be other people, men and women who will become close friends in future.

Yes I see what you mean. So you'd have lunch together but wouldn't have met him after work sort of thing.

I’ve got a really good male friend, speak to him most days. Met at work, we are really great mates, support each other more than any of our other friends do. ETA as we are both the only adult in the house with kids in a way that our married friends have someone else to lean on ifswim, we don’t. So, if his DC has had an issue at school he’s likely to phone me if he needs a chat.

We go to the pub, for a walk, cinema, pub dinner, work events, meet for coffee, pick each other up from the garage, shop for each other when ill.

No different to any other friend. There is absolutely no attraction on either side, we just both happen to have a lot in common, both single parents, similar roles/level at work, shared sense of humour (and I’d like to think decency). Thoroughly nice chap.

Yes I guess it's just him. We really are only just friends, and he often asks me to meet him alone after work for a drink, which we do, but that's all. He's maybe worried about something. Anyway I am hoping to meet both other men and women to spend time with.

That's great, I wish I had something like that.

I think a successful male/female friendship only works if there is absolutely zero attraction on both sides. Otherwise there will always come a point when someone wants to take it further or drink lowers boundaries etc

I think you are right tbh. I didn't think there was any attraction on either side with him, which was why I felt comfortable, so not sure what made him panic, I've literally never flirted or anything. I mean it's no big deal there are other friends.

I don't think you are 'too intense'.
It's just some friendships progress & some don't.
No reason why male & female should be different.

I don't know how to answer this because I have close male friends, and there's nothing I won't or don't do with them in comparison to my female friends. Our dynamic is very firmly friends, there's no suggestion of anything else on either side so there's no reason to not do anything.

But it's our dynamic that makes things absolutely not like a date.

I have a boy gay best friend
My partner has loads of girls who are friends and straight
Doesn't bother me at all, I like them, I can see why he does

Thank you. The thing is we actually talk all the time and he's the one who usually suggests meeting. He's like one of my best mates in work and I see him out of work. I didn't think the cinema was some sort of sexual thing, I only said it because we like pretty much all the same films and because I'm fed up of going alone lol

He just wants to have drinks - many a good friendship is built on drinks.

It might be a boundary on work friends more than female friends, but we are all allowed to have boundaries.

But it’s not a particularly male friendship thing no, it’s just him.

.. I don’t think you’re too intense either, he just doesn’t want to do gigs and films. Carry on making more friends who will.

I've had a few friends from the gym.we talk about everything, have gone for meals in a group and also gone to the beach in a group. However the day X brought his adult son to the beach he ignored me and didn't introduce me.
When we went to an event and meal with his friends they all looked surprised and presumed I was his girlfriend.

Yeah it's weird he's happy to spend hours alone with me at a pub but a film or an activity is a no go lol. Anyway as I said I've not bothered asking him again, if that's his boundary fair enough it's just him I suppose.

I think you're coming on very strong here tbh. That was my point. Very invested iyswim. Usually, guys will make a move if they want. And, i suppose, you could do that too. But if he hasn't already he probably won't. (imo anyway)

Thank you for understanding. We literally talk about films all the time, so I just thought it'd make sense to see one together.

I don't want to make a move on him nor him on me.