How do you have a close male friend without it being weird?

[Boooooooooo]

I appreciate having male friends but it just doesn't always seem to go that way.
There was one guy, we got on really well, loads in common, really clicked etc. from work, it was just friendly and there was no suggestion of it being otherwise.
We hung out one afternoon at a park and coffee and it was cool.
Then I said to him it'd be great to hang out one day see a film or do something else cool, and it was like a flip switched in his mind.
It was literally just a suggestion, there was no innuendo or flirting.
I don't think I gave any indication I may have liked him.
We ended up talking again and we're still mates and colleagues but he'll only do coffee or drinks with me. I was gonna suggest going on a hike or going to play badminton or something but not sure how he'd take it.
Shame really as we talk loads but it's fair enough, whereas with a female the above would not be an issue.
It might be as we work together but as I say he will see me out of work but only for drinks.
Is this what it's like with male friends? I honestly don't have many sadly

I've always had male friends and been able to do it without being weird. I do believe it is entirely possible for men and women to be 'just friends', but also there are some people who cannot be just friends with the opposite sex, and that's fine unless they then insist on disbelieving those of us who are 'just friends', which is a viewpoint I've come across quite a lot: 'Ah, c'mon, you're lying!', 'Surely you're just a bit attracted to each other? He's a nice looking guy', 'You're a girl, he's a boy I am telling you, I guarantee you, he wants to sleep with you' [no, he doesn't] are all attitudes I've heard.

I think for me it helps I always had male friends growing up so it was never like 'OMG, a boy is talking to me!' when I was teenager, I never attached any special kind of import to talking with boys or men.

I've got limited male friends but I've been kinda put off now for fear of what impression I'm giving, I might just stick to groups

I work with another group of men who I really like (not in that way) so I think I might just try to see them in a group

This is baffling to me. I have best friends who are male and female. I don't get why them having a penis makes it bad.

Also; i hate the cinema, maybe he does, because I can't see why cinema is any more intimate than a drink so maybe he just doesn't enjoy it

Well that's what I thought but honestly felt embarrassed and kinda put off hanging out (or trying to) hang out alone with men now.

Oh no that's the thing, he loves the cinema, he's a massive film nerd 😂

He even told me he's got his work friends who he wouldn't see out of work but that I'm a friend friend who he would 😂

I have a number of male friends. I don’t know why I find it easy. There has never been an issue with different expectations. Sometimes it’s very obvious that there is nothing sexual (friend is gay or there are decades in age between us in either direction) but I also have friends who are the same age as me and heterosexual - and again never any issues. Of my very close male friends one is gay, one is a different generation than me and one is same age and heterosexual.

It might well just be him being weird. Maybe he is one of those men who assumes he‘s a catch and every woman wants to sleep with him.

Yeah I didn't even say it had to be a film, it was just a suggestion of something fun.
I get how it may have looked but I've literally said or done nothing else to suggest I might be interested.
Anyway I think I should focus on other people who will be more open to stuff.

Sorry, wrong thread!

I think it's difficult. I have had male friends but only one who I would consider a best friend. We did loads of stuff together from drinks to gigs.
Then he asked me to be his girlfriend. That was the end of that friendship. And I've heard other people say the same. That they and x are friends but then one wants more.
Maybe he's worried about how you feel or he feels and doesn't want blur the friendship line. If someone asked me to see a film or go for food I'd see it as a date (but maybe that's just my age).
I'd do as you said and look for some other friends.

I do have male friends, always have done. Only once did a male friend tell me he had feelings for me (and he did it in such a sweet, humble way that I didn't mind). In the end his feelings for me died and we're still good mates.
There have never been issues with my other male friends. We just hang out, have a laugh.
I think it's tricky if it's a new friendship with a man. Suggesting cinema, drinks etc might give the impression that you're asking him on a date. Looking back I think my male friendships developed more slowly than my female friendships, for that reason. We'd start hanging out in groups first then slowly become friends and then do thing one to one.
Another tactic to try is to be open from the beginning like "Don't get the wrong idea but would you like to go out for a drink. I just mean as mates, I have no interest in relationships right now".

Yes I totally understand what you mean. He's the one who asked me for drinks so I could've also seen that as a date, it's confusing 😂

I think maybe he wants to protect you in a way. Probably the wrong word to use, but what I mean is I bet he would be fine doing all the normal friend things with you that you would do with a female friend no problem at all, but perhaps he doesn't want to give others the impression you are on a date or in a relationship. Or maybe he doesn't want to give others the impression he is in a relationship with you in case it puts off potential partners.

One of my best friends in the world is a man, we met at uni and have stayed good friends for nearly 30 years now. We meet up when we can and have a laugh like a daft brother and sister, never any suggestion or feeling that there's anything else to it. He's actually going through a divorce and could well be looking for some comfort, but definitely not from me. I am on my way to splitting with my dh too, and I would never go to my friend for anything either.

So it can be done, but people will always question male female friendships!

He also asked for my number which I could've considered as a come on, I'll just keep him as a very casual mate which is fair, and try to meet others' :)

I’ve always had a lot of male friends, both one-on-one and groups, and it’s never been an issue for me but I’d say those friendships are mostly based around shared interests rather than emotional support, and I don’t think they’ve ever strayed into the ambiguous “is this a date?” zone even when single. I’m spectacularly un-flirty in my demeanour - I just don’t really fancy most people! - so I’ve never worried about sending unintended signals and I don’t think anyone has ever interpreted my intentions wrongly.

My closest male friend I’ve known since I was 18 (in our 40s now) and we’ve shared a lot of major life events. I honestly think neither of us has EVER thought of the other romantically. He’s like a brother or a cousin, and always has been - I’m 100% sure he feels the same. Our partners and kids are now also very close and collectively he and his family are my favourite people in the world after my own husband and family.

Hmm I’ve got a good handful of male friends but I’ve known them all for 20
years + (I’m 42). My partner is very understanding and knows these friendships are purely platonic.

I don’t think I would make any new close male mates though.

I thought I had male friends I'd hang out with, then I met my DH and had LO and they vanished. I think they were hanging in the friendzone in hope, even though some of them were married!

I have one, but he is ND and I probably am, and we only chat about specific things (exercise, diet, etc)

I have had a lot of male friends as I worked in an engineering environment for quite a few years. I have had four very close male friends, the sort I would greet with what’s up girlfriend, ride or die, call at 3 am. Two revealed feelings after I had known them for a couple of years. It took a further year but one is my now DH. The other made me massively annoyed as I was then married. One had to stop being my friend because he got a GF and she forbade him having women friends and the other one remains a close friend and is friends with DH and I have known him 20 years.

When the one approached me when I was married I discussed this with another male mate. Not a ride or die one but we had gone to a couple of things together. He said if honest deep down he himself did always have in the back of his head the potential thought that he may get an opportunity to sleep with his women friends. I also have women friends, most of them don’t have close male friends thinking about it.