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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you expect a thoughtful gift?

38 replies

Mylittlechickens · 04/02/2024 16:47

My OH went away for a week's holiday with family member earlier in Jan. Back for a week then away for 12 days with friends in swanky hotel. I've been left managing children (teens), all household stuff, full time work, pets and sick elderly relatives. OH just arrived home and gave me some wine and a Milka chocolate bar.

To say I'm upset and hurt just doesn't begin to describe how I'm feeling. Apparently I don't like anything and have no interests which is why he couldn't get me anything.

Am I expecting too much? Work colleagues can't believe he's had so many holidays. OH thinks he should be able to do what he likes when he likes.

OP posts:
boopboopbidoop · 04/02/2024 16:48

Sure he can do what he likes when he likes as long as he is there to take over whilst you do the same

DisplayPurposesOnly · 04/02/2024 16:48

Apparently I don't like anything and have no interests

I'd be incensed by this, if these were his actual words.

JustTalkToThem · 04/02/2024 16:48

No I wouldn’t expect a gift.

I would be planning a trip of my own though - why don’t you do that?

tocontinue1 · 04/02/2024 16:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

NoKnit · 04/02/2024 16:49

If it were mine I'd be amazed he thought to even buy wine and chocolates.

Obviously I secretly hope for something nice/bit of jewellery/Spa day or something but in reality I know it ain't gonna happen.

Whinge · 04/02/2024 16:50

I wouldn't expect a gift.

Surely he takes care of the teens / house etc when you go away?

Luxell934 · 04/02/2024 16:50

When are you booking your holiday OP?

TeenLifeMum · 04/02/2024 16:52

I’m I alone thinking a milka bar and bottle of wine sounds nice? 😬

DancingOnMoonbeams · 04/02/2024 16:53

He could have brought you back some of your favourite perfume, a scarf, handbag. Something thoughtful. I'm sure the swanky hotel would have had a small boutique shop.

I think you deserved it after he has had two holidays and you are left coping with everything.

I do hope you are going to get a lovely holiday soon, he sounds very selfish from your last sentence.

ScierraDoll · 04/02/2024 16:53

So what are your interests and what do you like?
Does he know this?

carrotbagel · 04/02/2024 16:54

He got you a gift! So it's not like he didn't think of you

PukkaPi · 04/02/2024 16:55

I wouldn't expect a gift from a holiday, isn't something you'd just do for children?

I've never bought or received anything from a holiday as an adult.

Nerurio · 04/02/2024 16:55

I wouldn't expect anything purely because someone has been on holiday, it isn't really a situation where a gift is expected. Wine and chocolates sound nice though, I'd be happy with those.
I would be more concerned about whether I also had the opportunity to go on holiday while he took over the necessary household duties/childcare, etc.

BlackberrySky · 04/02/2024 16:56

DH and I both travel a lot and neither of us would expect the other to faff about looking for gifts whilst away. It's a pain in the backside and not always possible with the schedule. To me, it's always seemed a bit needy to expect your partner to pay a price for their trip with "thoughtful gifts".

Xmasbaby11 · 04/02/2024 16:56

That’s a lot of holidays. I don’t think I’d expect a present as such. I’d rather he just did his bit to catch up at home and made my life easier however he can, and made sure I had chance to have time off however suited me. And money available.

CaineRaine · 04/02/2024 16:56

I wouldn’t necessarily expect a gift from the trip but would expect some sort of acknowledgment as a thank you - whether that be he takes over so you can have time to yourself or he encourages you to book some time away for yourself.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 04/02/2024 16:57

I've long given up expecting thoughtful gifts! However no way would I expect my DH to go away on two independent holidays like that within a month and leaving me to cope with all the household / family stuff alone .

I'm not actually sure I believe this ? As if he has done this then you are asking the wrong question .

Whaleandsnail6 · 04/02/2024 16:57

I think thats actually a nice gift but I wouldnt really expect anything.

However, I would expect equal opportunity for me to go away whilst he picks up the home duties if I wanted to

BreakfastAtMimis · 04/02/2024 16:57

TeenLifeMum · 04/02/2024 16:52

I’m I alone thinking a milka bar and bottle of wine sounds nice? 😬

I'd be delighted. Assuming it was a big bar!

ElevenSeven · 04/02/2024 16:58

What were you hoping for?

I don’t really see anything wrong with it, tbh.

Presumably you can also go away and leave him to it.

SBHon · 04/02/2024 16:58

Another who wouldn’t expect a gift. But I would expect equal amount of time ‘off’ of household duties.

OH thinks he should be able to do what he likes when he likes.
I also wouldn’t expect this dick attitude.

TheChosenTwo · 04/02/2024 16:58

No. Sometimes he’s picked up a bottle of vodka from duty free because he’s passing but generally no.
You sound like a proper martyr op.
i never get dh anything when I go on holiday without him either.
I’m not on holiday for shopping opportunities.
We both go away with our own friends as much as time/annual leave/childcare covering allows.

Guavafish1 · 04/02/2024 17:00

me and my husband go one holidays alone. Seems like you guys do too!

BlueRidgeMountains · 04/02/2024 17:00

You missed your chance, he wouldn't have recognised me or the house once he got back, l would have treated myself to a brand new make over, got myself another rescue cat for company, clocked off from the housework, ordered lots of new Dvds and takeaways, put deposit down on holiday for myself.
Whilst the cats away........

TwylaSands · 04/02/2024 17:02

Are the children his? Why does he think he can do what he like when he likes? What happens to the house? Is he generally selfish and irresponsible?